It’s
amazing that at the end of each year, and especially during the holiday season,
we will often exclaim, ‘I can’t believe how fast this year has gone by; can you
believe it is Christmas already!’ And each year, especially during the
Christmas holiday season, we begin to remember our loved ones who have
transitioned from our lives in many ways, but especially because of death.
There is
something about the Christmas holidays and the deaths of our loved ones that
seem to have us much sadder, more depressed, more inhibited, more moody, more
isolated, and more out of sorts than any other holiday, including the birthdays
of our loved ones, Mother’s Day, and father’s Day. It has a lot to due with the
festive occasion of the holiday season, as well as the longevity of the
celebration of the holiday season. Christmas decorations are commercially
placed in full view right after Halloween, and in some cases, just before
Halloween. The festive celebration not only includes gifts, but grand feasts,
wonderful scents, and songs with deep-seated emotions and memories.
It is
those scents, foods, gifts, and songs that permeate deep within each of us to
trigger the memories of our loved ones who have transitioned through death. And
often, because there was an annual celebration for you and your family, it is
no wonder that the Christmas holiday season is much more difficult for you to
deal with the loss of your spouse, your mother, your father, your sister, your
brother, your best friend, and especially your child. Isn’t it amazing that
although you celebrated the holidays with your loved ones when they were alive,
that it is very difficult for you to continue to do so after the death of your
loved ones?
And no matter how many times you experience
death among your loved ones, it is still a very difficult, and seemingly tragic
experience. It is a phenomenon that has no explanation, no understanding, and
no matter how many times you are faced with death you are never prepared. Death
is never on your appointment book, and it is an appointment that will occur at
an appointed time, that you and I must keep, just as those who have gone on
before us. Ironically, as you have been late for many appointments during your
lifetime, and you have missed a few, and cancelled just at many, you will not
be late for your appointment with death; neither will you miss it or cancel it!
However, if you live your life to its fullest and your loved ones live their
lives to their fullest, every day will be or should be a day of celebration.
It’s
amazing that we only seem to see the need to celebrate during the holiday
season, on birthdays, anniversaries, and on other noted occasions. But we don’t
seem to realize that everyday you open your eyes, take in and release breaths,
talk, and walk, and perform other activities of daily living, are days worth
celebrating. Think about it! Did you take time to celebrate life with your
loved ones while they were here? Did you talk with them, speak to and with
them, visit them, support them, help them when there was a need, and most of
all, did you love them unconditionally? If you celebrate your loved ones while
they are yet alive, there will be no question that you will be in line to
celebrate them once they transition. The same goes for you. If you take time
everyday to celebrate your life (not just materially), it will be much easier
for your loved ones to celebrate you and your life, once your appointed transition
time has arrived.
A
celebration of life is filled with love, honor, respect, care, kindness,
regard, understanding and acceptance. If these characteristics are put forth during
life, there will be less guilt once life is over. There is nothing wrong with
being sad when your loved ones transition from this life, and there is nothing
wrong with missing your loved ones on a daily basis. However, it is imperative
that you begin to attend to how you celebrate those you claim to love, in life,
and for their life. It is important that you begin to count your blessings each
and everyday for the loved ones who have graced your life with their presence.
Celebrations in life will most certainly make it much easier for you to behold
the death of your loved ones and deal with them during the holidays as celebrations
of life!
I am the
youngest of fourteen children, born to the same mother and same father. I
discovered my father dead when I was the tender age of ten, and I lost my
mother at the age of twenty-seven, and my grandmother at the age of fifteen. Of
my thirteen sisters and brothers, there are only four remaining, for a total of
five out of the fourteen still living. I have lost best friends, nieces and
nephews, aunts and uncles, and two surrogate godmothers in the past year, one
as recent as this past Wednesday. However, although I experience pain and grief
because of the loss of these wonderful and extremely meaningful loved ones, I
learned early in life to celebrate their lives while I had them in mine. As a
result, although I miss them immensely, and at times I might feel a little sad
(not for long), I am exuberant and thankful to God that I had them in my life.
I count
the blessings afforded me by my loved ones who have transitioned this life. I
can laugh about the laughs we had, I can joke about the funny things that they
did, as well as the funny things we did together. I can go back down memory
lane and view the many photographs, with love, happiness, and admiration…that’s
how I looked at them and saw them when they were still on this side of life,
with love, happiness, and admiration.
In
addition, you can celebrate the life of your loved ones who have transitioned by
leaving an empty chair to commemorate their spiritual presence at the dinner
table. Have every guest to engage in a celebration of live activity with you
and your family by jotting down three to five great memories they have to share
about your transitioned loved one. The rule is, although some in attendance
might feel sad and shed a tear or two, they must share memories of laughter and
happiness, allowing them to laugh and shine through their sadness and tears.
I can
truly say, that because I celebrated the lives of my loved ones who have
transitioned this life, I can stand firm and tall and engage in a celebration
of their lives during the holiday season. The same love I had for them, shared
with them, and displayed to and with them during life, still exists within my
heart for them, after life! I celebrated their lives and I continue to
celebrate the fact that they lived! You
can learn to do the same. Take a stand, take some time to reach out and call,
touch, and celebrate the lives of your loved ones while you still have a
chance! Pick up the phone, face time, Skype, but reach out! You never know
whether this holiday season will be your last holiday season with your loved
ones. And if it is, how will you spend the next holiday season; will it be in
celebration or one with deep mourning, guilt, and depression? Only you can
decide. I challenge you to join in celebrating life with your loved ones so
that when the time comes, it won’t be difficult for you to engage in a
celebration of life!
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