Saturday, April 4, 2015

You Don’t Have to Put Up with Rude Behaviors & Bad Attitudes: You Have a Choice

Spring has finally sprung! So many things that were cold and dormant are now breathing new life. Although the flowers and trees have begun to spring forth with outer beauty and new growth, there are too many people who, unlike the spring, tend to remain cold, lacking care, rarely showing any new life. They don’t ever seem to change their rude behaviors and their bad attitudes.

On many occasions when individuals display rude behaviors and bad attitudes, we tend to make excuses for them. If you think about it, you often will say, “That’s just the way he/she is.” That’s hogwash! In all actuality, the rude behaviors and negative attitudes displayed by these people are not indicative of ‘just the way they are’; it’s the way they choose to be. Even greater than the negative and poor choices these people make about how they act with and in front of others, how they talk to others, as well as how they treat others, you have a choice as to whether you will put up with their mess! It’s important that you don’t allow their mess to cause you stress!! You have a choice as to whether you deal with them more or you deal with them less!

How many times have you been at a restaurant and the waiter(ess) decides to have a negative attitude? They act as if they don’t want to be there and they most certainly don’t want to serve you. They are darn right rude! And then they have the audacity to expect a hefty tip. TIPS are ‘TO INSURE PROPER SERVICE!’ If the service isn’t right, if it isn’t up to par, and if it isn’t up to your expectations, you have a choice in the kind of tip you will provide, if you provide one at all.

What about the cashier at the store who not only has a bad attitude, as she tries to talk on the phone or talk to a coworker while ringing up your items, as if you don’t matter? She is also chewing gum and seems to be angry about the fact that she has to be at work! What? That’s not your problem! You do have a choice in the matter. Talk with the manager, but you probably have seen that sometimes the manager is just as rude and exhibits a bad attitude, as did the cashier. Here is your opportunity to make an even greater choice. In the future, choose to shop at a different store. In other words, hit them where it will hurt the most…in their pockets!

The people who intentionally cut others off on the highway, or don’t allow others to merge in front of them on the highway, are guilty of exhibiting rude behaviors and bad attitudes, When they take it even further by throwing up their middle fingers and using expletives, they are not only rude, they are angry, bad attitude individuals. You do have a choice in this situation; don’t join them in their madness!

As you meet and/or engage with these rude and bad attitude people, you probably ask yourself, ‘what in the world is wrong with them?’ They seem to have a chip on their shoulders, and they also tend to climb life’s ladders at the expense of others. The sad part about these people exhibiting negative, rude behaviors and bad attitudes is the fact that they don’t care!

When you speak to these RB (rude behaviors) and BA (bad attitude) individuals, instead of them displaying a pleasant attitude, they tend to grunt, display rude behaviors, and their attitude leaves much to be desired. Even more so, they blame others not only for their rude behaviors and bad attitudes, they also blame others for their lot in life.

Your mate, your children, your parents, other family members, your friends, your boss, your neighbors, and others who engage with you and take the liberty to yell at you, ignore you, and blatantly disrespect you, can only do so if you allow them to do it. Those whom you engage with on a daily basis, and they exhibit racist and prejudice behaviors toward others, as well as constant use of expletives, calling others out of their names; those who bully others, and those who constantly berate others, only do so because they can. You DO have a choice…you can decide to no longer engage with them as long as they exhibit these rude, disrespectful, and condescending behaviors!! Your goal is to not change these people, but to decide to no longer engage in these disrespectful, inhibiting, and prohibiting behaviors and bad attitudes with them; whether they are loved ones or not, the rude behaviors and bad attitudes are unacceptable!

Too often, you believe people will change, including your mate, your children, your friends, your coworkers, your neighbors, as well as others. You have heard me say over and over again, ‘PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE!’ You change your clothes, your hairstyle, your residence, your employment, your telephone number, your direction, your mind, etc. When change occurs, it’s out with the old and in with the new. That which existed previously, does not exist any more.

In order for change to occur, you must engage in a process of growth, which entails recognizing that bad behaviors and negative attitudes are not the keys to healthy, successful relationships. Rude behaviors and bad attitudes foster poor communication. It’s you also recognizing that it is essential to place RESPECT at the base of everything that you do with others. In essence, people don’t change, but they can change their behaviors and attitudes, and they can choose to be respectful!

On another note, one of the greatest things you can do to help persons change their rude behaviors and bad attitude is to stop enabling them. Stop making excuses for them! Yes, I know you want these people to be better, but you must realize that people must choose to grow and to be better. As they have a choice to engage in and exhibit respectful behaviors and positive attitudes, you have a choice to no longer allow your self to be the brunt of their destruction.

Engaging in and exhibiting rude behaviors and bad attitudes, is engaging in a destructive life journey. And when you support these forms of insanity from loved ones or others, you are just as guilty as those who exhibit rude behaviors and bad attitudes. It is time for you to not only decide to stop enabling your mate, your children, other family members, your friends, your parents, your boss, your neighbors, and others; it is also time for you to assess how you engage in exhibiting rude behaviors and bad attitudes.

Who really wants to be around people exhibiting rude behaviors and bad attitudes? It takes too much energy! The question is, are you one of these people? As Michael Jackson once sang, it’s important to ‘take a look at the man/woman in the mirror.’ The problem is that many of you constantly point a finger at others, while a thumb is pointing back at you. Does the rude behavior and bad attitude shoe fit on your foot? If it does, what do you plan to do about it?

As you decide how to handle your own rude behaviors and bad attitudes, which have been limiting, prohibitive, and destructive for you, it is imperative for you to have the tools to help you to deal with others around you, who exhibit rude behaviors and bad attitudes as well. Below are ten steps to help you to take control of your life when faced with persons in your life (including yourself) who display rude behaviors, and bad attitudes.


1.     Choose your battles wisely-Are the behaviors and attitudes of the person(s) affecting you directly or indirectly; what are you expecting as an outcome if you intervene?

2.     Decide if the person(s) with rude behaviors and bad attitudes is a liability or an asset to you-what is their benefit to you?

3.     If people with rude behaviors and bad attitudes serve no purpose to and for you, let it go & let them go, instead of trying to intervene.

4.     Be willing to call the person(s)s with rude behaviors and bad attitudes out & not participate in the enabling and blame game.

5.     If you intervene, focus on the behaviors of the person(s) & not the person(s) themselves.

6.     Use your “I” messages to share with them how their rude & negative behavior(s) or bad attitude affects you.

7.     NO! Persons who exhibit rude behaviors and bad attitudes aren’t JUST THAT WAY…THAT'S THE WAY THEY CHOOSE TO BE OR BEHAVE! Be willing to assess & accept your role in the behavior or the attitude being displayed by others. Be willing to be accountable and hold others accountable.

8.     Remember, people don’t change; they can change their rude behaviors & negative attitudes—It’s mind over matter…they must mind what they need to change & the rest won’t matter! Expect changes in their rude behaviors and bad attitudes. Help them to develop a written plan for change.

9.     If all else fails, engage in psychotherapy with a mental health professional. Many times rude behaviors and bad attitudes are symptoms of larger problems. A mental health professional can help you/them get to the core of the problem(s).

10. You have a choice in the matter-You can choose to deal with the people who exhibit rude behaviors and bad attitudes, let the situation go, or let the person(s) go who are exhibiting the rude behaviors and bad attitudes

The bottom line is recognizing the power of choice. And if you believe you cannot do it alone, seek professional help. As a matter of fact, when you decide to confront those you choose to deal with who exhibit rude behaviors and bad attitudes, don’t be afraid to encourage them to seek professional help. You DO have a choice!! Choose to do the right thing!