I'm sure you agree that almost everyone you know would love to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship. As a matter of fact, most of us aspire to have a relationship with someone that will last a lifetime. Unfortunately, many of us never make it to "forever", because we are often clueless about what it takes to attract positive people and sustain healthy relationships over time...
You won’t have a healthy relationship until you recognize that just being with someone doesn’t necessarily constitute a relationship. You must decide if you are in a situation or a relationship. A relationship entails the root word ‘relate’; which is to communicate. If there is no relating, there is no communicating. A true relationship is a process of two people coming together overtime, with the expectation of staying together and lasting for an extended period. A truly healthy relationship is expected to last a lifetime and it benefits you and your mate. There is a beginning with the hope of no end in a healthy relationship.
On the other hand, a situation is just that; it fits for the time being and it is an occurrence that meets the need of one, while the other is expecting, wanting, and waiting on a relationship. In a situation, communication is the exception and not the rule. A situation usually has a beginning and an anticipated end. In other words, it is short lived. As a matter of fact, a situation can end the next morning after a night of pleasure.
If you want a healthy, positive, long-lasting relationship, you must decide if you want a relationship or a situation. Are you looking to be with someone for the long haul who can enhance and help meet your emotional, spiritual, psychological, financial, and physical needs? Or are you looking for someone for the night, to satisfy your immediate physical urges, without ever meeting your needs?
In order to ensure a healthy relationship, as well as longevity, there are several things that YOU can and must do. First and foremost, recognize that your relationships cannot and will not be a lasting relationship unless it is a healthy, positive relationship. Furthermore, in order to have a healthy, positive, long-lasting relationship, you must first be healthy and positive yourself; emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and physically. Now, don't get me wrong, it’s not enough for you to just be healthy and positive; the people you attract must be healthy and positive as well!
As the age-old adage goes, 'YOU are what YOU attract!' If you accept mess, you will have mess. If you attract trash, you will have trash and at some point you will become a part of the mess and he trash you attract. If you won’t drink from the bottle under your cabinet with the skull and cross bones, why do you keep taking on situations with people that are diseased, unhealthy, going nowhere, toxic, and possibly fatal to you? Either the person you are with or the one you are trying to get with is an asset or a liability. What’s your return? What’s your benefit? Unhealthy people are just like bananas; you won’t get to the core of the healthy part until you peel them away!
Dr. Joyce has seven (7) characteristics that are essential for you to attract healthy people into your life. Get ready for a lifetime of healthy, long-lasting, and positive relationships!!! Get ready for relationships that are assets yielding positive returns for a lifetime!
1. Love yourself first. It is imperative that you have a relationship with yourself before you try to have a relationship with someone else. Relationships start on the inside and permeate to the outside. If you have difficulty loving you, accepting you, and being you, you will have difficulty loving others, accepting others, and allowing others to be themselves. As a matter of fact, if you don’t love and accept you, you will have difficulty allowing someone else to love and accept you!
2. Be yourself. If you must change who you are in order to be in a relationship with someone else, something is wrong! The way you start a relationship is the way it will end. There is nothing wrong with compromising, but you should never have to give up being you! Anyone who seeks to change you seeks to control you.
3. Be specific about what you are looking for and expecting in a relationship. Clarifying YOUR needs and wants is imperative to you having a healthy relationship. If you are not sure as to what you are looking for in and person, including your expectations, needs, and wants, you will probably settle for anything and anyone. Don’t be afraid to develop your top ten needs/wants in a relationship, as well as your expectations of the person you want to be in a relationship with. As a matter of fact, write down these needs and wants, expectations, as well as the characteristics of this positive and healthy individual. Some things on your list you can negotiate or compromise on, such as height, color, shoe size, and other minor characteristics, but 95% of your list should be deal breakers. Just don’t be petty and OC. Be realistic and sane in developing your list. When you go on a date, put your list in your purse or pocket. Excuse yourself at some point during the date and go to the ladies’/men’s room . Take out your list and decide how many of your needs/wants, expectations and characteristics your date possesses. If your date doesn’t fit at least 95% of the characteristics on your list, it’s time to quit. After your date is over, don’t walk away, run away! The red flags are evident before you start the relationship. PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Either you stand for something, or you will fall for anything!
4. Be patient by believing that you deserve to have someone who is healthy and positive in your life; that person is waiting for you. If you love yourself, you will trust yourself, accept in yourself and believe that you are worthy of everything that is great and grand, including a healthy, positive relationship. If you don’t believe it, you will settle for anything. As a matter of fact, you will continue to look for somebody, accept anybody, who just might turn out to be nobody; all because you don’t see yourself as worthy and deserving of having somebody special just like you. And then you must be patient and wait on that special somebody and not settle for less by accepting just anybody. When you are impatient, you make rash and desperate decisions and unhealthy choices, usually ending up in unhealthy and negative situations…a far cry from healthy and positive relationships.
5. Get to know an individual before entering into a relationship. You need to know as much as you can about the person before entering into a relationship, including background information, sexual orientation, cultural values, family of origin issues, family relationships, credit score, educational background, etc. A green card is your least worry! You need a blue, orange, yellow, and red card. Is he/she HIV positive? Any current or past STDS or AIDS? Guess what? We’ll go to the doctor together and get tested together! What is your sexual orientation? You can like the same sex and that’s okay, but I have a right to know and a right to decide if this is what I want! What’s your relationship like with your mama and your daddy? Have been married/divorced before? Any children, baby mamas? Are you a drug dealer/user? What about your criminal background, murder, molester, felon? On probation or parole? As a matter of fact, where are you from? Can I see your birth certificate? What is your religion? The more you know about your mate or potential mate, the more informed you are, and you are better prepared to set the foundation for a healthy and positive relationship.
6. Recognize that you have a choice in the matter. Men and women are just like buses; miss one and you just catch the next one. Stop letting people choose you for their own, usually selfish reasons. You should have a say in who you get with. Women, you especially, must stop getting with a man because that’s what he wants and he’s not what YOU want. Trust yourself by recognizing that you DO have choices. And if the one you choose is not for you, then move on to the next AVAILABLE catch. If you don’t have a say in the matter of choosing you mate, you will probably end up in a situation and not a relationship. There will be nothing healthy or positive about it!
7. Ensure that you and the person you choose are reaching for have the same goals and have the same vision; a healthy relationship is not a game; a situation is! Most of your relationships probably have not been successful because you and the person you have been with were not (or you all are not) on the same page and not going in the same direction. You and the person you want to have a healthy and positive relationship with must have more than a couple of things in common; sex is common for anybody…love making is common for and with somebody special. If you expect your relationship to last over time, the ideal situation would be for both of you to be on the same page. However, if not on the same page, the two of you should at least be in the same book or the same chapter. If you have nothing in common, you don’t want the same things in and out of life and you are going in different directions, let it go! He/she is not for you. There will be nothing healthy or positive about this situation! As a matter of fact, his/her dream just might become your nightmare!
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