Mother’s Day is a celebration of and for women, whether they are biological mothers, surrogate mothers, or women taking a stand and a stance for mothers! Mothers are just like spring flowers; they grow and they blossom! For some reason, we think girls are born mothers, but they aren’t. No matter what you call her, Mother, Mama, Grandma, or Big Mama, this woman was instrumental in giving you life. Even if you don’t agree with her, she is responsible for helping you to be you.
Now, don’t get me wrong; mothers have never been and they never will be perfect. As with anyone, male or female, there are many of you who have been derelict in your duties. Mothers are no different; they have made mistakes too. As a matter of fact, based on their humanness, they will continue to make mistakes, just like you and me! They have fallen, faltered, and failed, just like you and me. However, you have expected or expect your mother to be perfect at motherhood. Ask yourself, ‘who taught her how to be a mother?’
As with many of us, motherhood is a process and we often learn the art associated with it from women who learned from other women, without having a recipe, a book, or a set of directions. And you want your mother to be perfect or a ‘good mother’! What is a good mother? Good is relative!
The problem is that too many of you believe that the woman you have identified as mother should be or should’ve been perfect, without faults and without failures. You have drilled this misconception so deep into the recesses of your mind, your heart, and your spirit that because your mother has not fulfilled your fantasy of motherhood that you have created, you have stopped speaking to her! What…stop speaking to your mother?! Guess what? She is just like you; she is human! And I guarantee you that no matter how much you try to distance yourself from her, not talk to her, or disown her, when you look at you in the mirror, you will find characteristics of her…whether she reared you or not. If you aren’t perfect, why do you expect your mother to be perfect?
Mothers have played and continue to paly major roles in each of our lives. Even if your biological mother did not rear you or she gave you to someone else to take on the responsibility for you, it is important to remember the woman who supported you and your dreams, wiped your tears, provided you with love, cared for you, gave you direction, and showered you with affection. And even if you didn’t receive all of the aforementioned acts of kindness from your mother, she was or still is your mother.
Although you believe you deserve forgiveness for your faults and failures, you are not willing to forgive your mother for the things you believe she did or didn’t do for you or to you. Yes, your mother might not have been there for you at every turn, as you believe she should have been. She might have allowed someone else to rear you, but she didn’t do away with you. You might not know who your biological father is, but you have been blessed with a heavenly father who has more power than any earthly father could ever have. You might not have had everything material that you believed you should have had, but you have life!
No matter what you have or didn’t have, and no matter what role your mother played or didn’t play in your life, not speaking to her will not solve the problem; it is much deeper than that. At some point, you must make a conscious decision to finally confront and let go of your feelings of hate, disappointment, rejection, animosity, resentment, abandonment anger, bitterness, etc., and decide to forgive your mother, forgive yourself, let go of the mess, and ‘mount up on wings like an eagle.’ Not speaking to your mother actually cheats you of the opportunity to have positive and healthy communication patterns, as well as positive and healthy relationships.
Men, recognize that your mother was your first girlfriend. The relationship you have had or currently have with your mother dictates the relationship you will have or are having with women in your life. How you have treated or how you are treating your mother is indicative of how you will treat or are treating other women. And women, your relationship with your mother is definitely an indication of the relationship you will have with your girlfriends and eventually your own daughter. And if you can’t relate to your mother, you will have difficulty relating to other women and most certainly relating to men. If you can’t relate to someone just like you, how do you expect to relate to someone who is the opposite of you? Not speaking to your mother will not solve the problem…you must be the bigger person and work to solve it!
No, you can’t go back and capture the healthy and positive relationship that you lost or never had with your mother. However, you can look at today as being the first step toward the next steps for you to move toward a healthy and positive relationship with your mother, not based on the past, but based on the here-and-now. One of you has to start the process by speaking to the other. In all actuality, your mother might truly believe she has done nothing wrong. That’s okay. Whether she did or didn’t, you can’t worry about where she is with the problems that have contributed to you all not speaking; you must take responsibility for where you are, in an effort for you all to move forward!
Mother’s Day can serve as the day that you finally decide to forgive your mother and let go of all the negative, self-inhibiting, and life-prohibiting emotions that you have allowed to block your upward climb in life. Mother’s Day is also an opportunity for you to free yourself and to free your mother by going through the process of forgiving and letting go. Remember, Mother’s Day is 365 days of the year! Therefore, any day can serve as a forgiveness day!!
Why should you give your mother another chance, let go of the mess, forgive her, and start speaking to her again?
· Life is too short to hold onto mess!
· She gave birth to you, carrying you for nine months, going through the pains of labor and death!
· Your mother is human just like you and she has made and will continue to make mistakes, just like you!
· Your mother isn’t perfect…neither are you. She will fall, falter, and fail…just like you!
· You want and expect forgiveness, you should want to and expect to forgive your mother. It just happens to be the right thing to do!
· What you want from your mother you might never get…whatever it is. She either doesn’t have it to give or doesn’t know how to give it to you…whatever IT is!
· Sometimes your mother might not be your problem…YOU MIGHT JUST BE YOUR PROBLEM!
· There is only one time around and no one has come back to share with you about the time that no longer exists!
· The other side is NOT your reality. Rarely is the grass greener on the other side. You are not the only one in a contentious or negative situation with your mother. However, you have an opportunity to fix it!
· You need to get over it and move on!
· You need to forgive and let go; this is what God wants you to do and expects of you!
· You are not alone and there is professional help for you…a psychotherapist can help!
· You have NOTHING to lose by forgiving, speaking, and talking.
· You gain your mother, you regain you, and you might just gain the world!!!
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