Mother’s Day is a celebration of and for women, whether
they are biological mothers, surrogate mothers, or women taking a stand and a
stance for mothers! Mothers are just like spring flowers; they grow and they
blossom! For some reason, we think girls are born mothers, but they aren’t. No
matter what you call her, Mother, Mama, Grandma, or Big Mama, this woman was
instrumental in giving you life. Even if you don’t agree with her, she is
responsible for helping you to be you.
Now, don’t get me wrong; mothers have never been and they
never will be perfect. As with anyone, male or female, there are many of you
who have been derelict in your duties. Mothers are no different; they have made
mistakes too. As a matter of fact, based on their humanness, they will continue
to make mistakes, just like you and me! They have fallen, faltered, and failed,
just like you and me. However, you have expected or expect your mother to be
perfect at motherhood. Ask yourself, ‘who taught her how to be a mother?’
As with many of us, motherhood is a process and we often
learn the art associated with it from women who learned from other women, without
having a recipe, a book, or a set of directions. And you want your mother to be
perfect or a ‘good mother’! What is a good mother? Good is relative!
The problem is that too many of you believe that the
woman you have identified as mother should be or should’ve been perfect,
without faults and without failures. You have drilled this misconception so
deep into the recesses of your mind, your heart, and your spirit that because
your mother has not fulfilled your fantasy of motherhood that you have created,
you have stopped speaking to her! What…stop
speaking to your mother?! Guess what? She is just like you; she is human! And I
guarantee you that no matter how much you try to distance yourself from her,
not talk to her, or disown her, when you look at you in the mirror, you will
find characteristics of her…whether she reared you or not. If you aren’t
perfect, why do you expect your mother to be perfect?
Mothers have played and continue to paly major roles in
each of our lives. Even if your biological mother did not rear you or she gave
you to someone else to take on the responsibility for you, it is important to
remember the woman who supported you and your dreams, wiped your tears,
provided you with love, cared for you, gave you direction, and showered you
with affection. And even if you didn’t receive all of the aforementioned acts
of kindness from your mother, she was or still is your mother.
Although you believe you deserve forgiveness for your
faults and failures, you are not willing to forgive your mother for the things
you believe she did or didn’t do for you or to you. Yes, your mother might not
have been there for you at every turn, as you believe she should have been. She
might have allowed someone else to rear you, but she didn’t do away with you.
You might not know who your biological father is, but you have been blessed
with a heavenly father who has more power than any earthly father could ever
have. You might not have had everything material that you believed you should
have had, but you have life!
No matter what you have or didn’t have, and no matter
what role your mother played or didn’t play in your life, not speaking to her
will not solve the problem; it is much deeper than that. At some point, you
must make a conscious decision to finally confront and let go of your feelings
of hate, disappointment, rejection, animosity, resentment, abandonment anger,
bitterness, etc., and decide to forgive your mother, forgive yourself, let go
of the mess, and ‘mount up on wings like an eagle.’ Not speaking to your mother
actually cheats you of the opportunity to have positive and healthy communication
patterns, as well as positive and healthy relationships.
Men, recognize that your mother was your first
girlfriend. The relationship you have had or currently have with your mother dictates
the relationship you will have or are having with women in your life. How you
have treated or how you are treating your mother is indicative of how you will
treat or are treating other women. And women, your relationship with your
mother is definitely an indication of the relationship you will have with your
girlfriends and eventually your own daughter. And if you can’t relate to your
mother, you will have difficulty relating to other women and most certainly
relating to men. If you can’t relate to someone just like you, how do you
expect to relate to someone who is the opposite of you? Not speaking to your
mother will not solve the problem…you must be the bigger person and work to
solve it!
No, you can’t go back and
capture the healthy and positive relationship that you lost or never had with
your mother. However, you can look at today as being the first step toward the
next steps for you to move toward a healthy and positive relationship with your
mother, not based on the past, but based on the here-and-now. One of you has to
start the process by speaking to the other. In all actuality, your mother might
truly believe she has done nothing wrong. That’s okay. Whether she did or didn’t,
you can’t worry about where she is with the problems that have contributed to
you all not speaking; you must take responsibility for where you are, in an
effort for you all to move forward!
Mother’s Day can serve as the day that you finally decide
to forgive your mother and let go of all the negative, self-inhibiting, and
life-prohibiting emotions that you have allowed to block your upward climb in
life. Mother’s Day is also an opportunity for you to free yourself and to free
your mother by going through the process of forgiving and letting go. Remember,
Mother’s Day is 365 days of the year! Therefore, any day can serve as a
forgiveness day!!
Why should you give your mother another chance, let go of
the mess, forgive her, and start speaking to her again?
· Life is too short to hold onto mess!
· She gave birth to you, carrying you for nine
months, going through the pains of labor and death!
· Your mother is human just like you and she
has made and will continue to make mistakes, just like you!
· Your mother isn’t perfect…neither are you.
She will fall, falter, and fail…just like you!
· You want and expect forgiveness, you should
want to and expect to forgive your mother. It just happens to be the right
thing to do!
· What you want from your mother you might
never get…whatever it is. She either doesn’t have it to give or doesn’t know
how to give it to you…whatever IT is!
· Sometimes your mother might not be your
problem…YOU MIGHT JUST BE YOUR PROBLEM!
· There is only one time around and no one has
come back to share with you about the time that no longer exists!
· The other side is NOT your reality. Rarely is
the grass greener on the other side. You are not the only one in a contentious
or negative situation with your mother. However, you have an opportunity to fix
it!
· You need to get over it and move on!
· You need to forgive and let go; this is what
God wants you to do and expects of you!
· You are not alone and there is professional
help for you…a psychotherapist can help!
· You have NOTHING to lose by forgiving,
speaking, and talking.
· You gain your mother, you regain you, and you
might just gain the world!!!
©2016; J.Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745, Decatur, GA 30031;
770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com
