I am sure that there have been many times that you have wondered why someone you consider a friend, a close family member, or other acquaintance, seems to hold you in disdain, without an explanation. As a matter of fact, that person always seems to ‘have an attitude’ with you. They seem to make sarcastic remarks when you all engage in conversations, they seem to try to embarrass you in front of others, especially when the time and place are inappropriate, and you are in the spotlight. As a matter of fact, their behaviors are almost never appropriate. And on top of all of the preceding ‘negative’ behaviors, they also try to ‘one up’ you, and they seem to want to have the last word; especially when they are in the company of others who favor you. I’m sure you have said to yourself and to others, ‘what the hell?’
No matter where you are, no matter who you are, you have had (and you probably still have) haters near and far. As a matter of fact, haters are wherever you are! When you think about it, there seem to be haters EVERYWHERE!!! ALL of us have had our share of haters. It has more to do with them hating you than you hating them. Without reason or rhyme, there will be haters around you until the end of time. The more successful you become, the more the haters will appear. They don’t die; they seem to multiply!
You probably, as most people, have a misconception about why you have haters. You seem to continuously operate in a quandary as to how your haters can say what they say to and about you, and you question why they do what they do to you. Don’t waste your time trying to figure it out. As a matter of fact, your guess is as good as anyone else’s guess; even your haters don’t know why they hate on you!
You also probably think that your haters hate you for something you might have done or said to them. However, people who hate you probably don’t even know you. Their hate has more to do with what they think about you, rather than what they actually know about you! They hate you just because…because you are beautiful, because you are successful, because you are smart, because you are strong, because they are jealous of you, because they would like to be like you, and many times, they hate themselves, which has nothing to do with you!! As a matter of fact, they hate on you because of how they hate themselves.
Sadly, haters can’t stand to see themselves in their own mirrors. You will find that those who often hate you don’t like themselves. And your haters aren’t always your enemies; they are many times your so-called friends, family members, neighbors, colleagues, and even your mate. They have indulged in drinking ‘hater-aide’ most of their lives. They envy you, talk about you, and are often downright jealous of you! But hold up! Haters are NOT your problem! They not only HAVE a problem, they ARE the problem!
Haters are unsure of themselves and they are intimidated by the success and growth of others. They have a dire need for control, and they seem to project their lack onto others like you. They blame everybody else for where they think they should be, ought to be, and for their lot in life. They are two-faced, back- biters, and are willing to do anything to deflate you, in order to inflate themselves. They are blockers and stoppers, but only if you allow them to do so. Many haters suffer from untreated mental health issues, but more so, they have unresolved latent issues. As a matter of fact, HATERS CAN BE DANGEROUS!!!
Haters don’t seem to understand that first of all, their hearts are too small to carry others in it. And the time they waste hating, they could spend on building themselves to greater heights. As long as you keep the hater door open, the doors of love will remain closed. Hate, envy, jealousy, and insecurity breeds anger. Doors of opportunity will remain closed as long as you hold doors of hate open. Maya Angelou once said, “The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don’t know my story…”
Yu are probably wondering how you can deal with your haters. Instead of joining with your haters in he haters’ game, you must learn to “Use Your Haters to Make You Greater!” In other words, it’s time for you to “Make Your Haters Your Motivators!” Here are some steps for you to use your haters as building blocks, instead of stumbling blocks to fulfill your life’s destiny.
1. Don’t drink the hater-aide with your haters. Just because people hate on you, you don’t have to start hating with them. Don’t join the hating game! It takes too much effort and energy to hate on others.
2. When people show you and tell you who they are, BELIEVE THEM! People do not change! If they hated on you last year, they are probably still hating on you this year.
3. Choose your battles. It is not your responsibility to try to change the mindsets of your haters and prove them wrong as to how they see you or feel about you. Don’t allow yourself to engage in idle talk and gossip with the haters. And watch the bird that brings the worm.
4. Recognize that you know you better than anyone else. You have to let the hating roll off your back. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty about who you are, what you have, and what you have accomplished, including your education, material things, and the wealth you have gained.
5. Use your haters as motivators. Every time your haters speak ill of you, speak positively over yourself. Rise higher than the chickens your haters are walking with, and decide to fly with the eagles soaring high. Keep your haters in front of you where you can see them, and your true friends beside you, so that you all can walk together in victory. Hold your head higher and stick your chest out even further.
6. Remember that you & God are in control of your destiny. Your haters have no power over you with their words or their actions. They have a false sense of their ability to hamper, hinder, and harm you. What haters don’t realize is that when they dig one ditch, they had better dig two! But remember, God has the final say in and throughout your life!
7. Make the decision to cut your losses. If your haters are people you have determined to be liabilities and not assets, you might have to make what seems to be a difficult decision to cut them out of your life. If your hater is your mate, child, parent, family member, or other person you have an emotional connection with, you might want to engage in psychotherapy with a mental health professional in order for you to move forward, with or without them.
8. Constantly speak positively over yourself. Each day should start with you meditating and speaking positive things over you. You should also engage in prayers of thanksgiving and prayers of protection, as well as repetitions of positive affirmations, in order to keep the evil of your haters away from you. Read Psalm 37 as often as you can.
9. Forgive your haters. Your haters will have won at the hating game if you remain angry and bitter about them. Hating your haters renders you powerless and helpless. You must either take back your lost power, or work hard to maintain and retain the power you have over you. As a matter of fact, the names and the behaviors of your haters should not be a part of your daily conversations or vocabulary. Because they are not paying rent to take up space in in your mind or your heart, LET THEM GO! You are much larger and much greater than your haters!!!
10. Celebrate your God-given success! Don’t be afraid to walk in the midst of your haters, carrying no shame, guilt, or blame, but celebrating your life’s gain. Even if you have to celebrate alone, what’s yours is yours and no one can take it from you…even your haters! Believe you deserve EVERYTHING good n your life and “Use Your Haters to Make You Greater!
©2016; J.Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745, Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com