True friends are very hard to find, especially in this fast paced society of ‘what can you do for me?’ It is important that you recognize, everyone you meet is not your friend. Some are couriers, with the intent of only delivering something to you (information, direction, etc.). Others are short-term parkers, there to get you through a temporary situation, and then move on. Still, there are the monthly parkers who are those people you meet who play various roles in your life, but not on a regular basis, just when you need them. Finally, there are the lifetime parkers, who are those true and genuine friends in your life for the long haul. This friendship is like a marriage that is only consummated through a commitment to and with each other by acts of loyalty, respect, and trust. This friend sits at your personal board of director’s table. This friendship is a ride or die, got your back, call you out, hold you up, no matter what friendship.
When you are in a true friendship and there are signs that things are going awry, there are somethings I suggest you consider before ending the friendship, such as the level of the friendship, including the links that hold the friendship together, the longevity of the friendship, the love within the friendship, the landmarks that have solidified the friendship, as well as the lights that keep the friendship alive.
However, there are some friendships that have occurrences that become deal breakers. If you won’t drink from the bottle under your sink with the skull and crossbones due to the level of toxicity, why should you remain in a toxic friendship? Here are just a few of those toxic occurrences that can be friendship deal breakers that indicate this friendship is over!
1. When you begin to realize your so-called friend has become a liability, rather than an asset A true friend should not only have your back, but he/she should also stand with you, side by side, through thick and thin, and through the good and the bad. A true friend should not only add value to you and the relationship, but he/she should also enhance who you are as an individual. When a friend is no longer supportive and you begin to doubt the relationship, you no longer trust his/her intentions, or you have to look over your shoulders because of the unpredictability of your friend, it’s time for you to begin to assess the value of the relationship. You must decide if you are in a true friendship of respect and love for each other or are you in a situation of convenience for selfish reasons being put forth by either of you. A true friendship comprises a relationship for the long haul, where a convenient situation is only for the short haul. If the friendship is not genuine, growth producing for you, as well as your friend, and the relationship itself, it’s time for you to cut all ties with your friend.
2. When your friend has become too costly emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, socially, and sometimes physically, it is time to let him/her go When the burdens of your friend become too much for you to bear because he/she piles personal and other burdens on you without considering your emotional, psychological, spiritual, and physical strength, it might be time for you to let that friend go. Friends are supposed to stand for and with each other. However, when your friend constantly, carelessly, and selfishly pulls you into mess, causing unbearable stress, and strain, when you have asked for relief to no avail, it’s time for you to make a decision about the value and the worth of having this person in your life. When your friend decides that you should be miserable due their misery and keeps getting involved in craziness that can cause you to lose your mind, your spirit, your religion, your relationships, your job, your home, your freedom, and anything else that can cause you to lose yourself, let him/her go! He/she is NOT your friend!!
3. When the relationship becomes one of convenience and has no benefit to you If your friend is constantly taking and not giving, at your expense, it is time to let him/her go. He/she is always borrowing something from you, including your clothes, money, your mate, your car, your time, etc., while giving nothing in return, it’s time for you to consider the value of your friendship. When you are being misused, instead of used, it’s time for the so-called friend to hit the door, Is it a real and true friendship, and is it worth being with this person or not??? A friendship should be a reciprocated process and each of you in the relationship should yield a return, with consistent acts of give and take. When your friend takes more from the friendship than he/she gives to the friendship, as far as time, effort, and energy, making more withdrawals than investments, it’s time to call it quits.
4. When your existence as a worthy individual is being threatened When your integrity, standing in your community/career field, your brand, your image, and your credibility are being threatened because of rumors and lies being spewed and spread by your friend or because of your friend, it is time to cut the relationship. When your friend becomes the spoiled apple in the barrel while in the barrel with you, it’s time to walk away from what is no longer a friendship. As a matter of fact, because of these actions, the friendship is no longer a relationship; it’s a situation! It no longer has any merit or longevity. Any situation that causes you to no longer be you is most certainly not the best for you! You can always get another friend, but it’s difficult as hell to get your good name back!
5. When your friend is involved in a toxic situation with his/her mate and constantly complains or cries to you about it, without a willingness to seek help or take action When your enabling and constantly complaining friend tries to pull you into his/her enabling cycles of toxicity and/or abuse and misuse, it is time for you to take a break, stand back and decide if things will get better or are getting better or worse. When your friend constantly complains to you about their toxic situation, but they make no effort to help themselves, as they usurp your time, your energy, and your spirit, talking about the situation on a daily basis, it’s time for you to observe and no longer participate. And when your life could be in danger because of his/her dangerous situation, it’s time to move on. If your friend won’t quit, you must quit!
6. When your friend is bold enough and disrespectful enough to sleep with your mate It’s past time to let this so-called friend go when he/she crosses very personal boundaries and violates all levels of trust and loyalty of the friendship. It’s time for you to cut all ties with your backstabbing friend who has become a foe. If your friend betrays you once, he/she will betray you again. And if the betrayal is not against you, it will be against someone else either close to you or someone you know. This so-called friend is a liability and not an asset, who has been and is jealous and envious of you. If he/she sleeps with your mate, what else will he/she try to take…your life? Get out of that situation with both of them, your friend, and your mate! They are both betrayers with no care and no respect for you, the friendship, or the relationships. Once a cheater, it is difficult to not cheat again. You might eventually forgive, but you will never forget. You deserve better. As a matter of fact, you ARE better!!!
7. When your friend finds an intimate partner and begins to treat you like a discarded toy When your close friend finds that girl or that guy and begins to ‘kick you to the curb,’ to pick up and use you when convenient, it’s time for you to assess your friendship status. Females are more likely to kick their best girlfriend to the curb when they find that person thought to be a keeper, compared to males. When you become a light switch to be switched off and on or a doorknob to be turned whenever entry is desired, based on the whims of your best friend, because of their intimate relationship, it’s time for you to find the friendship exit door yourself. When the phone calls and levels of effective communication become weeks and months apart and their memory of the friendship becomes an ‘I forgot,’ it’s probably time for you to forget your friend. He/she seems to have forgotten you. True friendships can still exist when one or both friends find an intimate partner. Clearly, there won’t be as much time spent together in the friendship as occurred prior to the new intimate relationship, but true friendships can be maintained with boundaries. The reality is that your new intimate relationship might become a situation much sooner than expected, while your true friend has been there for the long haul. If you are willing to diss your friend for someone new, you weren’t in a friendship from the onset.
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