Friday, May 3, 2013

They’re Grown…Let’em Move Out!

Anna Jarvis probably never envisioned how grand Mother’s Day would become in the United States when she lobbied to have the day recognized as a holiday.  She celebrated the occasion for the first time in 1908.  And now, over a hundred years later, Mother’s Day is celebrated annually the second Sunday in May.
Anna’s original reason for celebrating Mother’s Day went far beyond the flowers, the candy, and the dinner that we use in this country to commemorate the day.  Mother’s Day was originally highlighted to recognize mothers, motherhood, and the maternal bond.

Your mother is at the core of your very existence. Without her, you would not be here! And your mother isn't just the woman who was responsible for your birth; she is the woman who took on the responsibility of nurturing you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually! Your mother is the woman who has stood by you when no one else would...through thick and thin, when things were good or bad. She has worn many hats and has answered to many names: Mother, Mama, Grandma, or Big Mama.

However, many of you tend to take this woman for granted.  You get caught up with what your mother did; what she didn’t do; or some other unresolved issue.  Too often, these feelings become long-held grudges.  And your inability to forgive stunts not only your relationship with your mother, but also your emotional and spiritual growth. 

Maybe your mother allowed someone else to rear you; you didn’t have a father in the house; you didn’t have what the other children had…get over it!!  Recognize that you are now a grown woman or a grown man. What your mother didn’t do, she probably won’t do, or she can’t do at this time.  Instead of looking at what wasn’t, how about taking some time to look at what was; she gave birth to you!!!
This woman, who entered into motherhood for your sake and engaged in an emotional, spiritual, and maternal bond with you, deserves to be revered and respected by you.  And just because she is your mother or has assumed the role of your mother throughout your life, it doesn’t mean that she has to take care of you for the rest of her life.  It is time you truly start celebrating Mother’s Day by standing on your own two feet and stepping off your mother’s feet, off of her lap, off of her heart, out of her pocket book, and out of her house?!

Show your mother appreciation by giving to her instead of taking from her. YOU ARE A GROWN MAN or GROWN WOMAN!!  Yes, there IS a child in each of us; but grown means on your own! Okay! There are some circumstances when you might have to move back home with your mother. But, let’s be realistic!  How can you move back with your mother and not pay rent, not buy groceries, not chip in for utilities, and drain your mother of what sanity she has left, and then ask to borrow her car, because you don’t have one?  When do you become accountable for you?

And mothers, many of you are just as guilty as your adult children.  You are so afraid of your adult children ‘being mad at you’ or ‘not speaking to you,’ that you put up with mess that you would not tolerate from anyone else.  Too many of you have become boundary-less, enablers, and completely selfless. It is time for you to wake up and smell the roses! As long as you allow your adult children to treat you as if you are a doormat, a light switch, or a door knob, you are not helping them to be the men and women God appointed you to rear them to become. Stop enabling your grown ‘children!’  You deserve your own life!  If you don’t treat yourself better, how do you expect your adult children to treat you?

As mothers, there are many of you who tend to believe your adult son just can’t go on without you!  Give him a chance and he will make it one way or the other!  As mothers, too many of you tend to raise your daughters and take care of your sons. Guess what? You are handicapping your son, making it difficult for the next woman to enter his life; his girlfriend or his wife! 

Mothers it is time to stop enabling your sons and allow them to be men! You have done your job!  Cut the apron string; cut the umbilical cord and let your man-child be a man!  He can and he will do it… trust him; trust yourself and the job you have done in rearing him from boyhood to manhood!

As mothers, this blog is not written to blame you as a mother or to berate you in any way. However, the reality is that too often the problem with many men taking responsibility and being accountable for their manhood and their relationships with women is tied to their inability to pack their things and move away from their mothers emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and physically.

Further, this blog is in no way intended to indicate that a man should not have a relationship with his mother. As a matter of fact, he should; and women shouldn’t try to stop it.  The relationship must be healthy and positive, with boundaries.  Women, you should also be grateful if your boyfriend or husband has a healthy and positive relationship with his mother. His relationship with his mother is indicative of the kind of relationship he will have with you. Recognize that his mother is his mother and you cannot and should not try to duplicate her!  Mother’s have a place that no one can take! But, when your adult son has found that special woman, it is time for you to move aside and allow him to move out!      

In the final analysis, whether you are male or female, this Mother's Day, is another opportunity for you to celebrate your mother! It is also an opportunity for your mother to celebrate herself. And one of the best ways she can celebrate herself (and you can help her) is by allowing grown folk to be adults, letting go, and CUTTING THE UMBILICAL CORD!!!

For the sacrifices made by mothers, as well as their love and hard work, Mother’s Day ought to be three hundred and sixty-five days of the year; not just the second Sunday in May! Make everyday Mother’s Day! Give your mother a break by showing her what a great job she did in helping you to become the man or woman you are today. And mothers, if they don’t give you a break—take it!!! Help them to move on and move out; it doesn’t mean you love them any less. Every day is now your day!!  HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!