So you’re all alone, without a partner, and you have one or more children. You’re not married,; you have never been married or you are divorced and there doesn’t seem to be the possibility of a potential mate on the horizon for you to eventually link with and tie the knot, for the first time or once again.
Society has for far too long made single parents feel as if they are criminals, especially single mothers. The children of single parents have been considered troublemakers, social deviants, and delinquents, especially if there is no father in the home. There has been pity, empathy, and sometimes anger toward women who are single parents. And those women who continue to birth babies without being married, have a hard road to travel in the eyes of society. There has also been much criticism of these women, especially if they are women of color, who struggle to be financially self-sufficient.
It has been a long held fallacy that children coming out of single-parent households, those with only a mother in the home, and more specifically those form African-American families are prone to failure, destruction, and pose a threat to society. Single mothers are many times told that they cannot rear their young sons to be men. And that’s not what they should be doing; they should be rearing them and preparing them to be strong, positive, and successful contributors to and in society, as they allow positive male role models to help mold their sons into strong, positive, and healthy men. Mothers can most certainly help teach their sons how to treat and respect females as boys and as men, and they can prepare them to be the type of man suitable for marriage and procreating.
The reality is that there are many children, male and female, who emanated from single parent homes, which have become successful and positive contributors to society as a whole. They have contributed to and continue to contribute to the healthcare and medical industry, the field of education, athletics, the arts, the financial industry, the clothing industry, etc.
Ironically, unmarried men who father children are seen as freely expressing their sexual prowess, sowing their wild oats, boasting their manhood, as well as their machismo. They are hailed and praised for making baby after baby. They are revered as great guys, with their power being in their penis. Their power is also in the number of babies they can produce. And sadly, too many of these men are not taking care of the many children that they help to create. And although many of these men are making many babies, they are rarely single parents; they can walk away at any time, without regret or consequences, whether single or divorced. Now, there are some men who elect to rear their children alone or are forced to do so by default.
While women are denigrated for birthing baby after baby,they didn’t conceive them all by themselves And for the women who fit the role of the single parent, there are often negative names and many more negative acronyms associated with them, while men are praised and hailed as towers of strength. On the other hand, many of you as women, allow the fathers of your children to abate their responsibilities as fathers and they are not held accountable for their contribution to the conception of their children. Women who have the audacity to abandon their children are scorned, held responsible, and often thrown in jail.
Either way, America has frowned on singlehood, especially when it leads to single motherhood. However, it comes to bear that there are many married women who are still single parents. I am sure that many of you can identify with being in a marriage or a relationship of convenience, without having physical, spiritual, and financial support from your mate. You might be married or in a committed relationship, but as a parent, in all actuality, you are still a single parent. As a matter of fact, you might as well be a single parent; you are doing everything by yourself. You work, you bring home the bacon, put in the pan, cook it, take care of your children, meet with teachers, clean your house, pay bills, etc., etc., etc.; and where is your husband/wife? I would prefer having children living in healthy and positive single-parent households, rather than having them living in unhealthy two-parent households. However, due to much of the ignorance put forth by society regarding single parents, mothers without partners are often treated inferiorly.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, a disproportionate number of Black children under the age of 18 live in single parent households. Only 38.7% of Black children live in two-parent households, as opposed to 74.3% of White children. Instead of single parenthood being considered a crime, it is time for each of us to realistically and honestly examine, develop, and engage in efforts to impact and rectify the economic, social, political, emotional, educational, and health disparities that exist for single parents and single-parent households. The crime isn’t in being a single parent n the United States; the crime is how single parents fair in an industrialized nation, by being at the bottom economically, socially, politically, emotionally, educationally, and health wise. And the greatest crime of being a single parent is that there is an administration that sees nothing wrong in the inequities presented to single parents. Single parents struggle and battle their have not status on a daily basis, as they come against those who have and seem to keep having.
And then there are many more two-parent households who are perpetrating a fraud of wholeness and happiness, when there is a cycle of misuse and abuse of the children, as well as misuse and abuse of their parents. Although these children and their mothers do not have everything they want and sometimes they don’t have everything they need, who’s to say that they don’t have one of the greatest things that can supplant lack…LOVE?!
As a matter of fact, the single parent household rate in America has increased, even for Whites. There are privileged White woman who have come to realize that single parenthood doesn’t diminish the character, wisdom, knowledge, abilities, integrity, love, and over all value of single mothers or their children. As a matter of fact, these privileged White women have decided that they will now not only accept single parenthood, they will become single parents themselves.
For the African-American woman, her expertise in single parenthood has span hundreds of years, from the plantation to her apartment. She watched her husband or mate be whipped, stolen, sold, and traded. She held the line through slavery as she carried and reared her children through acts of rape, disparity, cruelty, ignorance, racism, sexism, and many other isms. She weathered the public welfare system in the fifties and sixties as it became a crime for her to receive financial and other assistance if she had the father of her children in her home. She still fights the good fight as she fights a society in which she is the least respected and least protected, but she perseveres, as a woman and as a single parent.
“It is Not a Crime to be a Single Parent!” However, it should be a crime for single parents to be singled out and not supported. We never know who her children might become, because we don’t know who they are currently. There is a plan and a promise for the single mother, as there is a plan and a promise for her children. To ALL single parents; keep your head high, keep your heart lifted, keep praying, and keep believing! You are a strong presence! Neither you, nor your children are mistakes; God doesn’t make mistakes and He doesn’t make junk! You are awesome!
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