Saturday, May 9, 2015

Letting Go Doesn’t Mean You Have to Stop Caring

Happy Mother's Day! Mother's Day is always an exciting time of the year, not only for mothers, but also for the children of mothers, including the young, middle aged, and those that are older. No matter how old you are, there are fond memories of your mother or the person who assumed the role of your mother.

As human beings, if there is one thing that all of us have in common, it is that each of us has a mother, whether alive or deceased, biological or surrogate. There are many of you who have been fortunate enough to have women in your lives, although not your biological mothers, they have served in the role of mother throughout your life. The problem is that too often you take your mothers for granted, not giving her the props she deserves.

 However, because many women might not demand and assume their God-given positions in life, unless ‘given’ or ‘assigned’ to them by someone else, it doesn’t grant their children, mate, friends, family members, and others the right to take their kindness for weakness. But, until you, as a woman, and especially if you are a mother, come to realize and recognize your self-worth and overall value, you will continue to allow others to usurp your energy, obstruct your current and future life’s view, as well as obstruct your life direction.

As a woman, you must learn to let go and stop trying to fix everyone, every thing, and recognize that you cannot continue to carry the eight of the world on your shoulders. As a matter of fact, your shoulders are not large enough to continue to carry everything and everyone. LER IT GO; LET THEM GO! I know you love them, but it’s okay!

Being the youngest of fourteen children, my siblings and I were born to an immigrant father and an immigrant maternal grandmother. Although my mother died when I was twenty-seven years of age, I was blessed beyond measure to have had her in my life and to learn about establishing clear and consistent boundaries with people, situations, and circumstances, when necessary. She also taught me how to let go, even when I still cared.  I have also been fortunate to have three surrogate mothers in my life, who took over where my mother left off upon her death, leading, guiding, and advising me. Like my mother, these strong women have also helped me to further know when I need to let go of people, situations, and circumstances, even if I still had feelings. All of these women helped me to know when to hold them and when to fold them. I

No matter what the story is, it is imperative that you begin to assess and determine the people, situations, and circumstances that fit into your life; not only in the present, but also in the future. And when people, situations, and circumstances become a liability and not an asset, it is time to let go! Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care, it simply means it’s time for you to move on and turn that person, situation, or circumstance over to the cosmos and let a higher power take over.

 So often, mothers and women in general are not given their props. However, because women might not demand their God-given positions in life, and they might allow themselves to be ‘given’ or ‘assigned’ their positions, it doesn’t give their children, their mate, their friends, their family members, or others the right to take their kindness for weakness. When you as a woman, and especially as a mother, come to realize and recognize your self-worth and value, you will no longer allow others to usurp your energy and obstruct your current and future positive view of life. You will come to recognize that letting go doesn’t diminish who you are; and you can still care. It means that you have finally made a decision as to whom and what you will tolerate.    

Even into adulthood, we expect our mothers to still assume responsibility for us. We can be as old as dust, but if and when things go wrong, as they sometimes will, the first name we call is "Mama" or "Mother." Some of you might not have a healthy relationship with your mother. However, at some point in your life, you must recognize that in order for you to move forward, you must begin to forgive and let go. And mothers, at some point, you must also learn when to let go of your adult children, other situations, circumstances, and other people who no longer fit in your life, and move on. And you probably find it difficult as a mother or surrogate mother to let go; because of the feelings you have for your child, other people, certain situations and circumstances. The reality is you can let go, with love!

 Although mothers aren't the only ones who have difficulty letting go because of unresolved emotions, society and those connected to mothers and women in general, expect them to hold on to people, situations, and circumstances, no matter how toxic. The problem is, when you are not willing to let go when it is time to do so, it is because you are seeing these people and situations with your hearts and not with their eyes and head.

I give you permission today to let go, with love. You can let go of the mess, rid yourself of stress, and allow yourself to give your mind and heart some rest. Letting go doesn’t mean that you co longer care, you have decided you have had more than you can bear!     Happy Mother’s Day!


Who works her fingers to the bone,
Who many times struggles through life alone.
Her late night tears and late night touch
Has healed and helped many very much.

There is none to compare
To the gift from God that’s so grand and fair;
As the love and understanding from my dear mother.
I roamed the earth both near and far; I’ve never been able to find another

Mama, I love you wherever you are.
In my eyes, you’re always a star.
Although for some time now we’ve been apart
I cherish your memory deep in my heart.

It wasn’t by chance that our paths merged as one;
Without it God’s will wouldn’t be done.
A tie that held us together through thick and thin
Has transcended through time from beginning to end-Mama.

*©1999; Weary But Not Worn: A Spiritual Reawakening; Joyce Morley, Ed.D.;