I know it must be difficult for you to learn to celebrate your mother’s life, instead of mourning her death and your loss. I also understand the sadness and anger that comes about after such a traumatic experience. And no matter how many deaths you’ve faced, there seems to be a greater sting when it comes to the death of your mother, whether she is your biological mother, adopted mother, or surrogate mother; she cannot be replaced!
I can identify with those of you whose mothers have transitioned. I was twenty-seven years of age when my mother died. I can remember that small part of me that felt cheated. What, my mother is gone for good? The good part about it is that because I celebrated her and appreiciated her in life, I was able to celebrate her life even more, after her death.
I know for many of you, the ability to move beyond the death of your mother is quite difficult. Death is one of those life experiences that you don't want to talk about. As a matter of fact, no matter how many loved ones you lose to death, you are never totally prepared for the loss. It is never on your calendar, it’s not entered into your appointment book or in your phone, and you don’t have to worry about being late or missing it. Yes, everyone wants to live forever, and you most certainly want your mother to live forever.
I know it is difficult for you to come to grips with the fact of your mother’s death or if she is still living, having to come to grips with the fact that one day, some day, she might transition prior to your own transition. However, even hough death brings about a sting, what you should be asking yourself is how did you treat your mother when she was alive, or how are you treating her now, if she is still alive? Are you respecting your mother and giving her credit for carrying you within her body and giving birth to you? And even if she decided not to keep you and rear you, someone graciosuly took on the role of Mother and decided to accept you, take care of you, and love you uncinditionally! Hence, your biological mother, as well as your adopted or surrogate mother all deserve recognition and appreciation on Mother’s Day, as well as the other three-hundred and sixty-four days of the year.
As a matter of fact, the way you start a relationship will determine how it ends, as well as the relationship with your mother. If your life and relationship with your mother was or is adversarial, it probably ended or will end in an dversarial manner. As the old adage goes, ‘you don’t miss your water until the well runs dry.’ Sometimes you don’t appreciate your mother until she is no longeer living in this realm. However, after death it is a little too late to show her appreciation in the physical realm, but it most cetainly is not too late to appreciate and celebrate her!.
It would have been and if possible, it still can be admirable if you had given your mother or if you will now give her flowers while she was alive or is still alive. For a mother, there is nothing like smelling fresh flowers, reading an inspiring card, receiving a caring hug, and hearing ‘I love you,’ from the children she carried for nine months (sometimes a little less) through the pain of labor and almost death, gave birth to, and cared for, sometimes with no support system.
Whether biological, adopted, or surrogate, the woman you call Mother, wiped and cleaned your nose, cleaned your bottom, bathed you, fed you, clothed you, protected you, disciplined you, prayed for and with you, hugged you, loved you, and did so many other countless things for you, above and beyond the call of duty. With your mother, there were no boundaries and for many of you, there are still no boundaries when it comes to your mother. She continues to love you unconditionally, without reason, without rhyme, and there has never been a measure or price for her love. And even if she has transitioned, in life, your mother exemplified the essence of love and care for you, until the end.
For those of you whose biological mother lost her life in order for you to have life, there has been or there was an adopted or surrogate mother to fill the role and the shoes of mother, unconditionally. As a result, consider yourself blessed and be grateful. You can still celebrate her life by collecting as much information about her as possible, and creating a special place for memorabilia, as well as a special place in your heart.
For those whose mother has transitioned, Mother’s Day is one of those days when you get that feeling of emptiness. You find yourself longing to hear her voice, to hear her make a fuss, wishing you could pick up the phone and say hello. But there are ways you can cherish her memory in life. Celebrate her life and not her death and your loss. Leave an empty chair for your mother at the dinner table on Mother’s Day. Browse through old photo albums with family nd friends, or watch a video that includes your mother. You can also allow those attending your Mother’s Day celebration to join in the celebration by sharing stories of joy, instead of stories of grief and despair.
Because of the loss of your mother, if you find yourself grouchy or depressed when everyone else is taking their mother out for brunch, dinner, or engaging in other forms of celebration, on Mother’s Day, honor her. Instead of spending the day in tears, look at the positive impacts and outcomes of your mother’s life, and not the negative impact of her death. Write her a letter of rememberance and read it aloud. She probably hears you! Invite family over to your home to reminisce or write down happy memories you shared with your mother. Do a kind deed for a mother in a senior facility, who might not have children or family to celebrate her. Get with other family members and friends whose mother is still alive, and celebrate with them.
For those of you who are not speaking to your mother, SHAME ON YOU! I challenge you to forgive yourself and to forgive your mother for whatever you think she did or didn’t do to you and for you. I challenge you to pick up the phone and give the woman you consider Mother a call of appreciation, thanking her for the work she has done, the work she continues to do, and for the sacrifices she made on your behalf. I challenge you to remember the woman who has worked tirelessly, taking on the job of mother, a job she had a choice to take on or abandon, especially when times were hard. I challenge you to remember the unconditional love, the years and the tears, as well as the happiness shared, whether she was or is your biological mother, adopted mother, or surrogate mother. I challenge you to recognize your mother for her career choice—motherhood—a job that is never done!
The major aspect of celebrating your mother in life, is to prepare youself for being able to celebrate her life, in death. Practice recognizing her worth and value and expressing it openly and genuinely. There is only one time around, and no one I know, who ahs transitioned, has ever returned to tell us what the hereafter is like. The reality is, all you have is here and now, which is today! Use it to celebrate your mother while she is till alive. And if she is no longer alive, celebrate her anyhow! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!
You still have time to purchase Dr. Joyce’s book for Mother’s Day, entitled:
“Mama Said…Hilarious, Outrageous, and Eye-Opening Statements Mama, Grandma, and Big Mama Said that You Can Now Laugh About: Mama Really Did Have the Answers After All”
www.booklogix.comor Amazon.com
©2019; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com
