Saturday, June 30, 2018

“Your Heart Is Too Large to Hate”

When I was a teenager, I noticed how mean some people would be to me and to others, for no reason at all. I had not done anything to them, and I had also not noticed that others had done anything to them. They would not only say mean things, they would also attempt to do mean things in order to defy, defeat, and control, for no reason at all. They would often spew hateful rhetoric at the expense of others. I can remember asking my mother, ‘why is he/she so mean and angry; I didn’t do anything to him/her.’ My mother would say, ‘you don’t have to do anything to people for them to hate you. They hate you for no reason at all, because of how you look, what they think you have, because you are different, and many times who they think you are.’ She would also go on to say, ‘but love them anyhow!’

The words of my deceased mother resonate in my mind until today. I continue to not only witness the anger and the hatred projected onto my daughters and me for no reason at all, I also witness the anger and hatred projected onto others, just because, and for no reason at all. I have found that many times people hate you because of their own self-hatred.  There just might be a part of you that reminds them of that part within themselves that they dislike and they don’t know how to face, which is deep within their inner self. 

On the other hand, there is the hatred from others that is espoused onto you because you are different. You don’t look like them; based on your race, skin color, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, economic level, social status, political affiliation, religious belief, or immigration status. They believe you don’t have what they have. Either you have less than them or more than them; you live in a different part of town; you don’t drive an acceptable automobile; your clothes are not up to par’ or your educational level is not equivalent to theirs. 

For some reason, they believe in their narrow minds that you have come to take what they have or that which they believe they have. No matter what their reason for espousing hate against you, it is not your problem…their heart is dark and narrow!

Mama was right; people don’t have to have a reason for hating you. It seems easier for them to indulge in hate, rather than to express love. Often, because they have hated for so long, they don’t know how to love. Hate isn’t a behavior and action that God has placed in our hearts from birth; it is a learned behavior. However, it seems as if people project onto others the negative behaviors that they have learned, more so than the positive behaviors. Even though hate is learned, it doesn’t mean that you have to practice hating others on a daily basis. You must be accountable for your own behaviors. You have a choice in the matter. When you know better you do better. And if you aren’t sure, ask somebody! 

Fear, anger, and hate go hand in hand. If you were to begin to monitor your hate, you would come to recognize that there is a cycle to your hate. Your fears about the threats others pose against you, whether real or imagined, fuel your anger about your seeming lack of ability to control or stop the perceived threats of losing the things you believe you have or about losing the place you believe you have attained in life. For some reason, it seems as if many of you in this country believe that you are the only one who deserves nice things, nice places, and high levels of attainment. As a result, your hate cycle begins.

Your fears and anger then manifest into hate. All people who are different from you, based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, economic level, social status, political affiliation, religious belief, or immigration status, are not threats to destroying your neighborhood or moving you from your perceived state of being privileged. But somehow, the made for TV movie you have developed in your mind takes you through the cycle of hate. And then you want to blame others for your actions and claim you ‘just snapped,’ when you put forth negative hateful action against others. It is time for you to begin to recognize that you CAN learn to no longer hate and start loving others, even with their differences.

As has been said by many others, FEAR is false evidence appearing real. In Marvin Gaye’s 1978 album, “Hear My Dear,” he talked about the negative power of anger. Marvin sang, ‘anger makes you sick; anger makes you old, anger destroys your soul!’ He also went on to state that ‘anger injures you, and treats your body bad.’ Not only does anger do all of the things Marvin mentioned in his 1978 song, it negatively encapsulates and impacts your mind, heart, and spirit. Anger is the emotion that keeps your heart small, allowing you to blame everyone else for issues in your life, as well as promoting your fears about the perceived threats of others to you, all because of their differences. Anger helps you to hold people down and hold them back, based on who they are, or who you think they are, based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, economic level, social status, political affiliation, religious belief, or their immigration status. 

Amazingly, after singing about anger in his 1978 album, Marvin continued with his song, “Everybody Needs Love.” He recognized that hate was not the answer to dealing with anger; love was and is the answer. He took it a little further by stating, ‘ALL of God’s children need love, including you. It doesn’t matter what you are; a thief, a beggar, or superstar.’ Marvin was also correct in stating that ‘you are made for love and made of love.’

Not only do you need love, you must possess love by ridding yourself of hate and share your unconditional love with others! This love comes by way of you stepping outside of your comfort zone and your ‘privileged’ zone to gain awareness, insight, and understanding about people who are different from you. You often spend so much time fighting to be understood that you miss the boat in gaining understanding, which will carry you much farther. 

The reality is that ‘Your Heart is Too Large to Hate!” The problem is, when you engage in hateful thoughts, hateful feelings, and hateful actions, you make excuses, you are not accountable, and you refuse to engage in forgiving yourself and others who haven't done anything to you, all because you spend too much time blaming them. You begin to carry people in your heart, not only for their differences and perceived threats against you, but also because they either ‘did something to you’ or you believe they ‘did something to you.’ Again, there is your made for TV movie that you have concocted in your mind and in your heart. 

My mother also used to say “your heart is too small to carry people in it.” Carrying people in your heart whom you believe have caused real or imagined threats, hurts, and pains against you, doesn’t and won’t allow room for you to carry love in your heart. However, you can come to recognize that love trumps hate and “Your Heart Is Too Large to Hate!”

With the celebration of the Fourth of July, also known as “Independence Day,” it is time for you to take a look in the mirror and begin to ascertain the size and color of your heart when it comes to others who are different from you. Decide if your heart is small and dark, filled with hate, or is it large and pure, filled with love or at least open to the possibility of allowing love to come in.  Independence Day was created to celebrate and commemorate the signing and adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 2, 1776. The signing of the document was to indicate freedom for America from Great Britain. Sadly, two hundred and forty-two (242) years later, there are far too many of the masses of people in this country who are still not free.  They are denied their freedom because of the hatred in the hearts of so many Americans, based on their differences and the cycle of hate discussed previously.

As you celebrate the freedom of this country, start celebrating or continue celebrating love for the boys, girls, men, and women, who don’t look like you in this country and outside of this country, based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, economic level, social status, political affiliation, religious belief, or immigration status. Remember, until all of us are free, none of us are truly free!

If you plan to celebrate freedom during the Fourth of July, you must start celebrating or fight to continue celebrating love for ALL people within America, as well as those who attempt to enter America. You must challenge yourself and challenge others to confront their fears, their self-anger, their displaced anger, and their hate towards others. Remember, “Your heart Is Too Large to Hate,” but it is large enough to love! Start loving and keep loving, starting with love for YOU!

©2018; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745, Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; joyce@doctorjoyce.comwww.doctorjoyce.com

Saturday, June 2, 2018

Fathers Aren’t Born; They’re Created

Isn’t it amazing that we expect women and men to coalesce, engage sexually, create a child, and immediately become mothers and fathers? The reality is, mothers and fathers are created through a process over time. Although males and females are born with the capacity to one day become parents, they are not born as parents. According to John Locke, humans are born as a blank slate, and the world then writes its imprints on them.

As a man, you are most certainly in an enviable position. You enjoy the pleasures of the sexual intercourse necessary to help the woman procreate. If you choose, you can then walk away after the fertilization process and after you have written your imprint on the child yet to be born. You don’t have to carry the child once it is conceived, or engage in hormonal changes, body changes, or emotional changes, while carrying a child continuously flipping and kicking inside of you. And you have no idea about the art of labor and childbirth. But yet and still, once the baby is born, you are instantly called a ‘father.’

The preparation for males to become fathers starts when they are little boys. It is hoped that male children have a father in their homes, serving as a model and a role model, providing love, direction, moral and spiritual guidance, respect for self and respect for women. The reality, as you and I and are keenly aware, is that there are many boys growing up without a biological or surrogate father in their homes, especially in African-American households. Although mother might have a man in her life and even in her home, providing and meeting some of her needs, this man might neglect the needs of her son. As a matter of fact, even though mom’s man knew she was part of a package deal when he got with her, he often denies one part of the package, which is her children, especially her son.

If mom’s male child has been denied by or rejected by his biological father, and once again rejected by mom’s man, then who teaches him how to be a man, in preparation for becoming a father? Often, the tragedy is that he learns how to be a man and how to be a father all on his own. But, you are probably asking, how does a boy teach himself to be a man and then a father? He doesn’t!  He lives vicariously through the lives of other males who are probably in the same or similar situation as the boy without a father or without positive male role model in his life. Unfortunately, you then have the blind leading the blind.

If mom’s mate is seen as “Mister” or “Uncle,” another problem exists. The male child is cheated of the ability to see a father in action. He has no real connection to “Mister” and although the term “Uncle” carries with it a term of endearment, it is still not dad or father, which carries different meanings for the male child. He witnesses the intimacy mom has with her mate, but rarely, if ever, receives the benefit of fatherhood from this man.

Boys must be groomed from childhood into adulthood, in order for them to be prepared for fatherhood. As a single mother, you can do a great job with rearing your sons from childhood into adulthood. However, they are still in need of strong male models and role models in their lives during their growth and development periods. There is a definite need for every little boy to experience the positive direction, love, and teachings of a strong man in his life. Unfortunately, in many African-American households, the presence of a strong male model and role model is missing.

The reality is, even though the father of the African-American male child or any other child is not in his home, he can still have a strong presence in his life. Parenting and fatherhood should include a relationship with sons that also encompass a presence, even though that presence might not be a permanent one that includes a residential arrangement. As an adult male, it is important that you only create as many children that you can contribute to and take care of financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, morally, time wise, and in other ways. Remember, you are responsible for helping the boy to become a man, in preparation to become a father! And if you decide to abdicate your role and responsibility as father or surrogate father, you are basically setting your son up for failure as a man and as a father. If you are a stepfather and see your mate’s son as a stepson, you will treat him as just that…a stepping stone to get to his mother, but not play a major role in his development and growth as a male child.

In reality, it isn’t that complicated! It’s a no brainer! As a man, if you help to make a baby or take on a woman with children, especially a male child, you are responsible for the upkeep, upbringing, uplifting, and uprising of your biological child, as well as the biological child of your mate, from childhood into adulthood, and eventually fatherhood.
Yes, I know! It’s almost impossible for you to be a father to your own son or the son of your mate if you haven’t had a father in your life. But, guess what? It is never too late for you to learn now what you didn’t learn then! So you say that money is an issue? It wasn’t an issue when you got with your son’s mother or mother of your stepson or the mother of your ‘woman friend.’ Okay...money does help. As a matter of fact, money makes a great impact. However, there are some greater attributes that you, as a man, as a father, as a surrogate father can contribute to the male children with whom you are engaged or should be engaged in their lives.

Whether you are with the mother of your son, the mother of another man’s son, you owe it to this male child to contribute and model love, respect, kindness, unconditional positive regard, morality, honor, understanding, spiritual direction, emotional security, positive conversations, laughter, and all around compassion. Although you might have missed out on being recognized as a prince as you were growing up, it is important for you to recognize and treat your male child, whether biological or not, as a prince. And if this male child is an African-American, he most certainly is in need of stability and to have the aforementioned attributes provided to him on a daily basis.

The reality is that in order for powerful fathers to exist, we must have powerful men. It is expected and hoped that boys will grow into strong men, who will eventually become strong and committed fathers. These fathers must be willing to not only take a stand, but to also take a stance for what is right, moral, proper, and honorable; not just for themselves, but for their children. This responsibility extends beyond biological children. It also extends to those children whose biological fathers might not play an active role in the lives of their children, either by choice or by their inability to do so.

Here are a few words to mothers of sons. If you want your sons to grow and become strong, powerful, and responsible men and fathers, stop taking care of your sons while raising your daughters. Your sons need to have chores and responsibilities around the house. They also need to be accountable for their behaviors and actions, inside and outside of the home, while showing respect for himself, for you as his mother, for others, especially other females. You must also provide clear and specific boundaries, require him to complete his education, and ensure that he is disciplined as you would your daughter. As well, the man in your life who is committed to fatherhood must be allowed to discipline your son with love and compassion. If the man you love and who says he loves you cannot help you to rear your son from boyhood to adulthood, he might not be the man for you!

Further, mothers, boys need to be boys! They cannot replace their missing father, and they cannot be your man! And fathers, by your words, actions, and behaviors, you are the example for your son as to how he will become a man, and eventually a father. You are responsible for teaching your sons right from wrong and guiding them to manhood.

Society also has to play a major role in helping boys to become men and eventually fathers. Compared to any other race in America, African-American males are dying at a disproportionate rate, either by the guns of police officers or by the guns they hold in their own hands. One of the major problems is that America isn’t willing to see, doesn’t want to see, or won’t deal with the fact that there is an epidemic raging in African-American communities across the nation. Unfortunately, although many of you have recognized the problem, too many of the power brokers have turned their heads, closed their eyes, and sealed their lips regarding necessary funds and actions needed to help dry the tears of the mothers and fathers whose faces grace the evening news, on a daily basis.

To not value or respect the boy, the man, and the father in African-American communities, is to deny and decry the God who created all of us. To consider the deaths resulting from the use of opiates an epidemic in one race, but ignore the deaths of African-American males as a result of gun violence and not see the same urgency, is not only a travesty, it is a tragedy! It is time for each of you to begin to question the judges who see African-American fathers as three-fifths of a man, by barring them from engaging with their children. Child support is more than money! Child support encompasses emotional support, spiritual support, a loving touch support, as well as quality of time spent together support. However, when there is no value and no respect for the boys or the men, there won’t be and can’t be any value or respect for the father of the boys.

In all actually, African-American boys can’t and won’t become men and will never see fatherhood if they are continuously being cut down in the early years of their lives. Remember, fathers are created, not born! Although boys are born to be men, they are also born with the capacity to become fathers. However, there is a process for fatherhood and it starts in boyhood, with love, understanding, spiritual and moral guidance, direction, discipline, open and honest communication, as well as specific and clear boundaries.

I challenge you as men and women to recognize that, “Fathers Aren’t Born; They’re Created.” From that vantage point, it is imperative that each of you be willing to engage in the process of helping your sons, the sons of your family members, friends, neighbors, and others to move from boyhood to manhood, and eventually into fatherhood. And it is just that…a process. It is time for you to each take a stand and a stance to ensure that boys, men, and fathers of all races are treated fairly and treated like they are worthy and worthwhile. In other words, showing the boy, the man, and the father that they all matter! 

The size, physical strength, penis, and facial hair don’t make boys men and fathers. It’s the imprints of all the people who contribute to grooming the boy that makes a man and a father. Take time out of your day to assess what positive role, if any, you have played or are playing in helping your son or other boys to become strong, healthy, and powerful men and fathers. And if you haven’t played a role and aren’t playing a role, it’s time for you to start doing so, especially in the lives of African-American boys and men.  “Fathers Aren’t Born; They’re Created! Help to create some amazing father, all because you are one too!



©2018; J. Morley Productions, Inc. P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Saturday, May 5, 2018

Respecting My Womanhood Allows Respect for My Motherhood

Celebrating mothers is always a grand occasion. When you think about it, you should celebrate your mother on a daily basis, not just one day out of the year. She is the person who carried you through a period of gestation (usually nine months), suffered through the pains of labor, and gave you life. And then there are those of you who did not physically carry your child(ren), but you have given them unconditional love, care, direction, and you provided them with all aspects of motherly care necessary  for their healthy and successful growth and development.
Yes, the celebration of mothers is not only a time to recognize your mother, for what she has done, what she is doing, or for what you hope she will or can do for you, but because she was instrumental in contributing to your lifeline! Further, it is also important for you and others to not only celebrate and elevate your mother, but to recognize, respect, and uplift the woman who became your mother. After all, she was a woman before she became your mother. And if you are a mother, as a woman, you deserve the same recognition and respect.
Too often, when women become mothers, they take on motherhood and abate their womanhood. And there are many of you mothers out there who help to perpetuate this unfortunate denial of womanhood after motherhood. Because you become a mother, it doesn’t mean that you are no longer a woman. As a matter of fact, unfortunate situations might not allow you to ever become a biological, surrogate, or adoptive mother, but no matter what your role and status, you will always be a woman. And at some point, it is imperative for you to stop allowing society, your loved ones, and others to define you and your role in life.
It behooves me to understand how a man, who is the product of a woman, meets a female who was a woman when he engaged with her sexually, and with whom he creates beautiful children, can somehow not only begin to disrespect her after she becomes the mother of his child(ren), but he denies her, defies her, and decries her, through disrespect and a stripping of her dignity. To engage in such behavior as a man, you not only denounce the woman who became the mother of your child(ren), you also denounce the woman who became your mother. What the hell is this?! He seems to have difficulty sharing the woman with the children with whom she is now known as mother!
For those of you, as men, who seem inclined to view motherhood as a weakness and opportunity to control, you are basically indicating that you not only disrespect the mother, you disrespect the woman who became the mother of your child(ren). Remember, she was a woman before becoming a mother. The same thing it took to get the woman you’re now with, should be the same thing it takes for you to hold onto the mother, who grew out of the woman. One of the greatest aspects of womanhood is the ability for the woman to grow and transcend to a level of motherhood. However, the process does not eliminate the woman who became the mother.
Women, you also bear a great responsibility for allowing society, your mate, your children, your family, your friends, and others to denounce your womanhood as you transcended into motherhood. As a matter of fact, you are complicit in this unfortunate deed. Somehow, when many of you became a mother, you negated yourself as a woman. Many of you seem to discount yourself, and as a woman, you no longer matter in the scheme of things. Everyone and everything else in your life, around and about you, has become paramount, important, a priority, essential, and important, at your expense. You neglect yourself emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, physically, socially, and otherwise. You count everyone in the equation as you discount yourself, counting you out of the equation.
As a woman, becoming a mother should never be a replacement, but an enhancement and a boldness that shows the power of womanhood developing into motherhood. It is time for those of you who have become mothers to recognize the strength and the power of the essence and the presence of your role as a woman. If you remember, man was not complete until God made a woman!
As a mother, if you can behold the woman in you, you will hopefully come to behold the woman in your mother and forgive her for all of the things you have held against her. Just as you, she was a woman before she became your mother. No, she is not perfect, and neither are you. She has made mistakes just as you have. But, for some reason, you have held your mother to higher standards. Why? Get over it! Just as you had no book to guide you and no magic formula for you to take on the role of mother, your mother was from a different time and space, with less preparation and direction. However, look at you; didn’t you turn out okay, and in some cases, you might believe that you turned out spectacular? It’s time for you to learn the woman in your mother, and for you to remember the woman in you. As she is not just the mother who emanated from the woman; you aren’t too much different from her. As a matter of fact, you emanated from her! 
Ways to Respect Womanhood After Motherhood:
1.       Respect the feminine aspects of your womanhood once you engage in motherhood, in the way you dress, and in the way you care for your body, your mind, and your spirit.
2.       Take time for yourself, by making ‘YOU’ a priority. It’s not all about your children, your mate, and everything external. Everything starts and ends with you.
3.       Don’t be afraid to spend quality time with yourself; read a book, take a trip, go to the movies, take a bubble bath, indulge yourself in gifts for you, etc.
4.       Demand and command respect for yourself and your time, by not allowing yourself go be slotted into the role of mother, by taking on ALL of the household duties and chores.
5.       Demand and command that you are treated with respect, and that you are also shown unconditional positive regard.
6.       Move away from a sense of desperation to be with somebody, allowing people to choose you for their benefit. You have a choice in the choosing, and in ensuring that you are also benefitting from the people you allow into your life.  
7.       Don’t be afraid to ask for and seek help when you need it. You don’t have to try to be, and you truly aren’t superwoman!
8.       Don't be afraid to ask for what you need and want. Stop accepting what everyone gives to you, when you know it’s not best for you, and it’s not what you need, or what you want!
9.       Don’t be afraid to negotiate in order for you to benefit. It’s okay for you to ask for a raise, negotiate your salary, demand parity with men, and not serve as the ‘coffee girl’ at work. 
10.   Take care of your spiritual needs. Engage in meditation, yoga, relaxation techniques, positive affirmations, etc. And if no one else in your house joins you on your day and at your place of worship, GO ALONE!
11.   Take care of your mental and psychological needs by seeing a psychotherapist, reading to keep your mind sharp, and just plain old relaxing.
12.   Take care of your physical needs by having your annual checkups and demanding that your physicians take the time to hear you and listen to you, as well as recognizing and respecting your needs and wishes.
13.   Refrain from, leave from, or do not enter into abusive situations with your mate, your children, boss, friends, or others. You are no one’s walking mat, punching bag, doorknob, or light switch!
14.   Celebrate your womanhood by thanking God for creating you as a woman. Speak positive statements over yourself and about yourself, and allow men to open the door for you, pull out chairs for you, and celebrate you…chivalry is not dead!
15.   Don’t be afraid to look into your mirror, each and everyday, and proudly exclaim: “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Fairest of them ALL? It must be the person in the mirror; it must be ME!”

©2018; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Be Careful Waking Sleeping Dogs; They Just Might Bite!

Now I am sure that you know the title of this blog is not referring to real “sleeping dogs.” The phrase/idiom, ‘let sleeping dogs lie’ is what drives the point of not awaking things and/or situations of information that have been silent for some time. It is a phrase/idiom referring to situations and circumstances in your life that are supposed to be over and done with, and left in the past. It also refers to information that you might have, which no one else has been privy to, situations that you might have engaged in, which no one knows about, behaviors you might have exhibited, which are only known to you or a certain few. These “sleeping dogs” can also refer to information you might have about others in your life, such as your mate, your children, your friends, your boss, and other family members. 

‘Sleeping dogs’ can also be in reference to things done to people, the ensuing situations and insurmountable odds they face, as well as the undo circumstances they face or have faced, that you and others know are wrong, but everyone has turned their heads, closed their eyes to, and turned a deaf ear on, all because they don’t want to deal with the impacts, affects, and effects that their behaviors have had on these people. Often, because of the shame and guilt associated with the mistreatment and maltreatment of some groups of people, rather than talk about the mistreatment and devise a plan of action to eradicate the treatment, everyone seems to go to sleep. Hence, the ‘sleeping dogs lie.’ 

The phrase can also apply to information you have about people who are no longer in your life, such as your ex-husband, ex-friend, ex-boss, etc. In other words, the term “sleeping dogs” refers to your secrets, other skeletons, hush topics, and other information or topics that you and others have kept in your closets that no one knows about or shouldn’t be discussed, due to unwanted consequences. As a matter of fact, any ex’s can also be considered ‘sleeping dogs.’ They no longer exist and the relationship is over; why would you want to awaken the dead relationship/situation, which you had with them in the past?

Anyone who has a ‘sleeping dog’ at his/her feet is in a position of power and control, except when the awakened sleeping dog can negatively impact them. Therefore, you must come to recognize that ‘sleeping dogs’ can either help you, hurt you, or hinder you. That person who abused and misused you, the friend who dumped you for no reason, the person who lied on you and betrayed you, the community you left that was not good to you or for you, the male/female that came on to you and you never told your mate or his/her mate about the come on, the place of worship that did not accept you, are all ‘sleeping dogs’ that you probably should not awaken. It’s time to move away from and move forward in respect to these people, circumstances, and situations from your past. What good would it be for you to divulge the information, resurrect the situation, or try to recreate a relationship by disclosing information or memories from the past, that have no merit or benefit to you or to others? Although you might be feeling melancholy, you cannot allow your emotions to dictate you awakening stuff that has lain dormant for many years. 

My mother used to say, “if you didn’t tell it when you were glad, don’t tell it when you are mad.”  There are those of you who have had abortions, you used to be on drugs, you possess a felony conviction, you have an adopted child somewhere, you have engaged in felonious behaviors, you had an affair, you owe someone quite a bit of money, you told a big lie, etc. These things are now dead in your life and in the lives of others, Therefore, you might want to ask yourself, ‘why do you want to give new meaning to old meaningless situations, with people who no longer matter, possibly bringing results that can do more harm than good?’  

Ask yourself, why do you want to resurrect those past issues, past behaviors, and past actions? What are you hoping to gain by talking about these dead incidents and behaviors from your past or the past of others, in the present? Who will benefit from you resurrecting the information that has been dormant and dead for so long? 

When you think about these dead secrets, you have to begin to look deep inside of you to better understand what your motives are for bringing up past issues that probably have no direct bearing on what is going on in your present life. If you have been able to live without bringing old information to the forefront all this time, how will it make a difference in your current life? What is your motive? If you are knee deep in guilt, you probably can benefit from meeting with a mental health professional to help you to purge your conscious of whatever took place in your past and the past of others, by engaging in a process of self-forgiveness, as well as forgiveness of others. 

Your past is your past, which most certainly has served as stepping-stones to your presence in your present life, and will most certainly have impact on your future. If the things you or others did ‘back in the day’ were so egregious then, will they be any less egregious in the here-and-now? Further more, you must also come to grips with the emotional, psychological, spiritual, financial, career, and physical harm that can potentially arise out of you waking the ‘sleeping dog.’ And if the information and situations from your past have tended to hinder your growth, you must also come to grips with your stuckness and in many cases with your selfishness.

On the other hand, you must decide if you are planning to wake “sleeping dogs” in an attempt to ‘get back’ at someone with whom you have angst. Here’s where the sleeping dog might bite you. When you bring to the present dead information and dead situations that are from your past, with the wrong motives, the wrong intentions, to the wrong people, your motives and intentions just might backfire and hurt you in the end.  The backfiring of your motives and intentions is the bite that you will experience as a result of you waking the ‘sleeping dog.’ If this is the case, you might want to not ‘wake the ‘sleeping dog’ and ‘let the sleeping dog lie.’

As mentioned previously, it is important that you understand the ramifications of bringing to the present the trials and tribulations of the past. You must also come to understand the ramifications of your actions upon you, your children, your family members, friends, and others. Will the awakened dog disclose information that becomes a liability to you and others, or will the information serve as an asset to you and to others? The reality is, if there was ever a chance in hell that the information that has been dead and placed in the past about you or others could serve as an asset, you would have awakened the ‘sleeping dog’ a long time ago. As a matter of fact, the dog would have never been allowed to go to sleep, because the dead and past information would have been present information of conversation and disclosed in the past.

If you play with fire, you might get burned.  The same goes for bringing up past people, past situations, and past circumstances that need to remain in the past. If they/it were/was not of importance to the success of your life in the past and you found reasons to keep the people, situations, and circumstances buried under the covers of the past, you might want to leave them/it buried. 

However, there are times when you might have to awaken some ‘sleeping dogs,’ and you might just have to risk being bitten. The ‘sleeping dogs’ of racism, sexism, ageism, and other isms must be awakened! It is time for you to no longer participate in such antics. It is time for you to put people before politics, families before fame, and children before egos. What you know about those who promote isms must be disclosed in order for the perpetrators to be confronted and dealt with accordingly! 

Still, there are other ‘sleeping dogs’ that you are obligated and charged with awaking. The minister at your place of worship who tried to take advantage of you and others sexually, emotionally, financially, and physically; the man/woman who sexually molested/abused you, your children, or other family members; the person(s) who stole your dreams, turning them into nightmares; the criminal who introduced children to drugs; the politicians who infiltrated poor communities with drugs; the so-called leader who has misappropriated taxpayer funds at the expense of children, etc. These ‘sleeping dogs’ need to be awakened and must be awakened. Standing up, speaking up, and speaking out about the atrocities that have been hidden for far too long will force a plan to rectify the problems, as well as an agenda, and it will hold those accountable who have wronged you and others. Your actions of standing up, speaking up, and speaking out (awaking sleeping dogs) will permeate a system of wrong with right, free the innocent, strengthen the weak, and give power to those who have felt powerless. 

Talk about ‘sleeping dogs?’ The family member who molested/raped you and other children, but was never called out, needs to be called out! It’s time to wake the ‘sleeping dog!’ What about the mistreatment and maltreatment of African-Americans in the United States” who have been and continue to be disenfranchised socially, politically, economically, educationally, and in other disgraceful manners? What about the daily murders of African-American males at the hands of law enforcement who are sworn to protect and serve, and those who are murdered on a daily basis by other African-American males and nothing is being done about it?  More about ‘sleeping dogs’ is evident when the opioid epidemic is greater than the drug epidemic infiltrated into African-American communities and the war that is waged in these communities on a daily basis with guns. This NOT a time to ‘let sleeping dies lie’; it’s time to wake the ‘sleeping dogs!’’   

I cannot promise you that you won’t be bitten and have to fight to maintain who you are and what you have, because you awakened the aforementioned sleeping dogs, but one thing I can promise you is that the dogs won’t be able to sleep any more, because the secrets about their behaviors, situations, and circumstances are unveiled. You will have called them out! Either you stand for something or your will continuously fall for anything! Stand and awaken the right and appropriate ‘sleeping dogs!”


Starting today, I charge you with believing that you can and must awaken some ‘sleeping dogs,’ as long as their awakening is for the benefit, development, enhancement, and overall growth of you and those around you. For too long you and others have not taken a stand to uncover and disclose the truth that sets all of us free. You have no power or might, as long as you are lying down and not standing for what’s right. Take a stand and awaken some of the ‘sleeping dogs’ that have been asleep too long!       

As you ponder ‘waking sleeping dogs,’ consider the following along your journey:

1.   Ask yourself why do you want to wake the ‘sleeping dogs’ of the past.
2.   Ask yourself will any positive changes occur as a result of you awakening ‘sleeping dogs.
3.   Ask yourself what do you hope to gain/accomplish by waking the ‘sleeping dogs’ of your past.
4.   Ask yourself will the people and circumstances change as a result of you ‘waking the sleeping dogs.’
5.   Ask yourself if you, the people, circumstances, or situations will be enhanced, improved, and/or catapulted to higher levels with you awaking the ‘sleeping dogs.’ 
6.   Give yourself permission to leave those people, information, circumstances, and situations in the past, no matter how much you would like to disclose them in the present, if they have no merit or benefit.
7.   Work to forgive yourself and others for whatever people, information, circumstances, and situations that did not warrant uncovering openly in your past and in the past of others.  
8.   Do you have an agenda for moving forward after awaking the sleeping dog, by reengaging and disclosing information about lifeless people, dead circumstances, and dead situations?
9.   If necessary, seek the help of a mental health professional to help you to decipher which ‘sleeping dogs’ should be allowed to sleep and which ones you need to awake.

Always remember, in the final scheme of things, you will find that people, some situations, some circumstances and some relationships are better off being left dead! However, there are many more that must be awakened! There is an old adage that states, “The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.’ WHAT! NODevil is worth your time and effort of getting to know. Once a devil, ALWAYS A DEVIL and many sleeping dogs are the devil



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