Saturday, May 6, 2017

I’m Not Your Enemy; I’m Your Sister

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers, whether biological or surrogate! If you have fed a child or an adult, supported a child or an adult, housed a child or an adult, and if you have loved a child or an adult the way you love yourself, you most certainly have earned the label of being called mother. After all, this label is a term of endearment afforded many women!

God most certainly knew what he was doing when he decided that his creations would not be complete without him creating a woman. God decided that women were an important entity, designating completion. If you could only behold yourself in the same vein as the creator, you would come to behold your greatness, your power, your boldness, and your beauty as women.

Unfortunately, as women, too many of you have not come to behold or have been too afraid to behold yourselves as the creator designed you. Many of you are too concerned about how others see you, allowing who you are and whose you are to be defined by men, friends, and society as a whole. It’s amazing that as women, you are willing to pay a high price for your designer shoes, designer handbags, designer clothing, as well as other designer items, but you are not willing to put a high price on some of the greatest designs ever created…you and other women.   

Society places its enormous and sometimes overbearing and guilt-ridden burdens on women to be ‘perfect.’ What usually happens is that as women, you become so caught up in the hype that you fall for the labels, the beliefs, the expectations, and the other myths placed on you by men and other women. You become competitive; sometimes competitive with yourselves, and too often even more competitive with other women. The reality is that womanhood is not an isolated event; it is a comprehensive and collaborative process. It takes many women working together, in order for you to succeed in fulfilling your awesome, God-given role in life.

There should be no competition between women. You have enough to compete with in society, without competing with each other and shutting each other out. Sadly, you have to fight your way into and through relationships, especially those of gaining and maintaining your rightful place in a sea of ‘privileged’ men, who tend to disrespect, misuse and abuse women. And then there are the disparities you have to fight against in the workplace and in society as a whole.

As women, it’s the relationship that you have with each other, that empowers you to be the greatest and most powerful beings created. This greatness is not related to being a ‘perfect’ woman, as much as it is being a great woman, walking in your own shadow, while allowing the company, companionship, and compassion sharing of and with other women, as you strive to walk in the destiny God has appointed you to walk.
Can you imagine a world without women? Some of you probably can, but the reality is that there was a reason God created both sexes. If you can imagine a world without either of the sexes, you are imagining a world without YOU! Your mom and your dad contributed to the awesome wonder of creating YOU! Singer James Brown once sang “This is a man’s world, but it be nothing without a woman or a girl.” Mr. Brown saw your essence as a woman; when will you see it, behold it, and walk in it?

As women, you are each endowed with a designation by the creator, which symbolizes total completion. As a result, you should be closer to other women in spirit and in truth. You can look at other women and see a design meticulously developed, because it is one that mirrors you. Hence, you should see your fellow women as your spiritual sisters. However, because too many of you are so insecure with yourselves, you are even more heightened in your levels of insecurity with other women, especially those that do not look like you and are not as economically powerful as you.

One of the things that women must come to recognize is that no mater how much you dislike other women, they are basically your only hope in standing in the gap when so many men have joined the guy in the white house, encouraging disrespect, and xenophobia for women. Men know how to stick together, but somehow, many of you as women believe that you must forsake your women friends, your biological sisters, and your mother, especially when you are entertained by a man. Further, many of you have been complicit in the mistreatment, maltreatment, and disrespect of your women friends by men and other women. However, you must realize that the average woman in your life is not your enemy; she is your sister!

With the disrespect, mistreatment, and maltreatment of women, a very dangerous precedence has been established. It is time to realize that this is not the time for you, as women to turn your backs on each other or away from each other. It is time for you to recognize the collective strength that you all possess when standing together, link to link. It is time for each of you to stand up and speak up for yourselves and other women. After all, they are not your enemies; they are your sisters!

As a woman, you might have biological sisters, but there are still many other women who have stood in the gap and many more who are still standing in the gap for and with you. Your first true relationship starts with your mother and with your biological sisters. And if you did not or still do not have a relationship with your mother or with your biological sisters and other women within your family, it is going to be difficult for you to have formidable, positive, and long-term relationships with other women.

As a matter of fact, your relationship with the women in your life will also have an impact o your relationships with the men who have attempted to enter into your life. Because of your unrecognized and deniable levels of self-hatred, you have projected this volatile attitude onto the women in your life. You have polarized yourself when it comes to other women. But, guess what? Your mother might not be as bad as you think she is, and your sisters could possibly be tolerated if you gave them a chance.

Have you looked at your role in the situation that has caused a rift between you and your mother? What about the relationship with your biological sisters? What role have you played in the disconnection and angst toward your sisters? Until you are willing to recognize, confront, and admit your role in the dissention with the women in your life, it will be hard for you to connect with the women who are connected by membership and friendships.

It is time for you to recognize that every woman isn’t trying to be like you, be you, is not out to get you, take from you, or take advantage of you. There are many women who love themselves and see themselves in the image of God, recognizing that you or no one else can take anything from them or prohibit them from reaching their destination and full potential in life. They truly want to reach out to you and invite you in. These women can proudly say, ‘I’m not your enemy, I’m your sister!”     

As women, you must also come to understand the links in the chain that connect each of you. The links that exist between women are not just outer links; they are inner, spiritual connections that permeate the very being of who each of you are and what you stand for as women. This chain link started in your mother’s womb. How dare you to not speak to or with your mother! She’s not your enemy; she’s your sister!

It is time for you, as women, to stop shutting other women out of your lives, to stop blocking your blessings, to stop teaching your daughters and modeling for them that other women are the enemies. If you are true friends with other women, it doesn't mean that you ‘dis’ them when you get with a man. It doesn’t mean that you stop speaking to them when they give you positive and constructive feedback. It doesn’t mean that you curse them and start a vendetta against them when they try to help direct you in rearing your children. And it doesn’t mean that you show envy, malice, or spread gossip and rumors against the women around you, when you no longer see their worth or value in your life. However, it does mean that when you have a TRUE female friend, you recognize and treasure her for who she truly is to you and for you. It means that you stand for her and with her, seeing and beholding the designer aspect of her, all because of your own unique design. It’s simply recognizing the benefits of the women it your life, as well as recognizing the fact that they don’t all serve in the role of enemy; many of them are your sisters.

I do recognize that there are some women who don’t have your best interest in mind. They are all about self and what you can do for them, at your expense. As a matter of fact, I have met some of these women. These are the women who perpetrate a fraud, all because they have no real self-identity and they begrudge other women who have an identity. These are the women I will not allow to call me ‘Sister.” If I had a sister like then, I would deny them, decry them, and defy them. Thank goodness, these are the women who are exceptions, rather than the norm.

There is good news! There are many more women who are not your enemies; they are truly your sisters! When you have them in your life, treat them as precious gems, nurture the relationship and hold onto them as long as you can.
Starting today, in honor of Mother’s Day, which should be three-hundred and sixty-five days a year, it is time for you, as women, to rid yourselves of the dissention, contention, apprehension, pretension, and resentment toward other women. Because they choose to operate in wrong, it doesn’t mean you have to join them. It’s time for you to recognize your full value, your full worth, your full potential, as well as your rightful position as a woman in the world, without competing with other women.

It is you striving to reach your destiny as you harmoniously work together with other women to bring forth the next generation of girls into womanhood, along with an interconnectedness for women walking together and supporting each other in meeting their destinies, without fear of each other, without sacrificing each other, or betraying each other, all because you are no longer enemies but sisters.

As a woman, in order for you and other women to recognize your strength and the design afforded you by God the creator, each of you must once again stand on your principles, recognize and stand on your priorities, recognize, stand, and walk in your purpose, stand and walk in your pride, without allowing it to block your path, as you stand and walk in your peace. As long as each of you bold, proud, beautiful, brilliant, and aspiring women stand in the presence and on the promises of God, you will have your peace, your priorities, your principles, and fully walk in your purpose. You will also recognize that the women in your life all aren’t trying to be your enemy, many just want to be your sister!   

It is time for women and men alike, to recognize, respect, and accept the necessity for women to work together, stand together and speak together as collaborative forces, without envy, malice, jealousy, or competition with each other. Women, one of you is not as great as all of you! The reality is, ‘She’s probably not your enemy, she is your sister…let her in!’



©2017; J. Morley Productions, Inc; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Saturday, April 1, 2017

If I Don’t Take You On I Won’t Have to Worry About How to Leave You Alone!

I am sure that there are times when you have wondered why your relationships seem to constantly fail. The question is, are they true relationships or are you continuously entering into situations? And then there are times when you have asked yourself why you don’t seem to be able to find and hold on to genuine friendships, or how the ‘fake friends’ have been able to enter into your life?

Have you ever come to the conclusion for one reason or another (and sometimes for many reasons), that you have been involved with the wrong man or the wrong woman, often times discovering your situation a little too late? And the same can be said for the so-called friends whom you have allowed to penetrate your life. Simply put, they have been the wrong people to have as friends. Often, it’s because you tend to take people into your life because there is an attraction…either a one-way or a two-way attraction, and you are desperate to fill a void. Anita Baker once sang, “You can’t do right cuz you’re the wrong man.” The failure of your relationships and friendships could be because the people you engage with are the wrong people!

When you think about it, rarely do you take the time to effectively and thoroughly vet the people you let into your life. Just because they are attracted to you or you are attracted to them, it doesn’t mean that you have to take them on or take them in.

Everything and e everyone that looks good on the outside is not necessarily good on the inside. In actuality, they are not always a good fit for you! And sometimes, like a pair of small and narrow shoes which you are enamored by, you try to stuff your big and wide feet into, you do the same in trying to fit people into your life who don’t fit for one reason or another, all because he/she ‘looks good,’ and sometimes they sound good. But then good is relative! What do you have in common with him/her? And have you taken the time to get into his/her head before you ask him/her into your bed? And sometimes, there is no asking; you all just fall into a bed, any bed, together, without vetting, by making a decision through a process of betting and hoping that things will work out.
 
Many times, it’s hard to hold onto what or whom you want to have in your life, and it’s hard to get rid of what or whom you don’t want in your life. You will have to make a decision and take action to either hold on to him/her or decide how to leave him/her alone, while you try to move on. The problem starts with your level of desperation to be with somebody, that you wind up with anybody, who many times turns out to be nobody.

Forming healthy relationships start with you establishing healthy friendships. But even your friends need to be vetted. It’s about you not being so desperate to belong to someone, or to be with someone, that you are willing to belong to and be with anyone. It’s also about you deciding not to compromise on what is truly best for you. Had you done your homework by gathering background,  historical, and current information about him/her, by asking the right questions, engaging in avid research and investigation, and moving from a place of desperation to a place of preparation, you wouldn’t be in the space that you constantly find yourself…involved in failing situations with the wrong people.

A former R & B singer once sang, “If you don’t like the peach, walk on by the tree.” Like picking unripen fruit from a tree, why are you constantly picking up people who are not yet ‘ripe’ for you, as well as those who are also not ‘right’ for you? You really should have a well thought out and ‘written relationship success checklist,’ which includes the characteristics you desire to have in the friends and the mate you would like to have in your life.  It entails and details what you want as well as whom you want in your life, and the characteristics you expect them to possess.

Your ‘written relationship success checklist’ should read like a laundry list or grocery list. Take it with you as you meet that someone you are attracted to and as you engage in dates with him/her. As you would your laundry list, separate the characteristics on your ‘relationship success checklist’ by categories of ‘will accept’ and ‘won’t accept.’ Don’t be afraid or ashamed to take a trip to the men’s room or women’s room while out to dinner or on a date with him/her. Take out your checklist to assess your written pros and cons as they relate to your date. If the cons outweigh the pros, this is nine times out of ten someone you probably should not take on or take into your life.

To ensure what and whom you are taking on and into your life, you should also have a  ‘written relationship success action plan.’ This action plan details the process (how) you will vet people you might be attracted to, prior to connecting with them, as well as the steps you will take in order to get what and whom you want in your life, including what you are and aren’t willing to compromise.

This ‘written relationship success action plan’ should also include timelines with dates. The timeline and dates should be written in increments of three, six, nine, and twelve months. There should be no rush to bring people into your life, without using your ‘written relationship success action plan.’ It’s time for you to learn to take life and live life in small chunks, instead of big hunks.

Not only should you  have a ‘written relationship success action plan’ for engaging in successful relationships, it is also imperative for you to have an action plan with steps dictating how you can and will disconnect from people who don’t fit into your life. This will be your contingency plan. The main thing is not taking on people from the onset, who don’t fit into your life and learning to not pick up or engage with people who are not yet ‘ripe’ for you, and most certainly those that are not ‘right’ for you. Even though you might tell yourself, ‘I see potential,’ it is not your duty to try to fix anybody in an effort to have him/her to reach his/her full potential. That’s their job…not yours!

Once the people you want in your life have passed the ‘written relationship success checklist’ test, the ‘written relationship success action plan’ allows you to state what you need and what you want in your relationships. It allows you to ask boldly and unabashedly for what you need and want in order to engage in a healthy and successful friendship or  relationship. It is essential that you learn to participate in choosing the people you want to let into your life and into your space, based on your ‘written relationship success checklist,’ and your ‘written relationship success action plan.’ 

Too often, you have allowed people to choose you to fit into their lives, based on what they are looking for, exclusive of what you need and what you want to fit within your own life. There will be times that people wanting entrance into your life will say to you, ‘God told them you are the one for them.’ What makes God speak to them about you fitting into their life and He hasn’t said anything to you about having them in your life? And then you wonder why, what you thought was a relationship is truly a situation, and it fails.

At some point in your life, if you are not already there, it is hoped that you will gain the strength to shed whomever does not fit into your life, or more importantly, not take him/her on or into your life. Just as the winter sheds its liabilities, you must learn to shed the people that are not assets, but serve as potential liabilities in your life. I am sure that many of you have taken on and have probably taken in friends, family members, or mates during the winter, believing that they will become fruitful relationships in the spring. But then, after the winter thaw and the rising of the new sun, many of you are probably asking yourself, ‘what the hell?!’ You have once again found yourself not only being attracted to rift-raft, but you have taken him/her on and into your home. Now you are asking yourself, ‘how did I become a friend or mate to or with him/her?!’ And the most serious question that you are asking yourself is, ‘how did I let him/her into my life, into my head, and especially into my bed?!’ You are also probably asking yourself, ‘what was I thinking?’ Guess what? You weren’t thinking at all…you were only feeling! What was once an attraction has now manifested into a distraction, causing massive disruptions in your life!

Yes, it’s easy to pick up people and include them in your day-to-day life, whether they fit or not. But you must remember, it is not as easy to get rid of them or leave them when the cover has been pulled from over the reality of who they truly are. In order to not waste your time on or with the wrong people in your life, you must remain vigilant in blocking the entrance of rift-raft, mess, and ultimately stress into your life. If you don’t take certain people on, you won’t have to figure out how to leave them alone. What and whom you choose will be exactly what and whom you will have in your life. You must remember that you have a choice in any matter involving you and your relationships!

It is also easy to be attracted to people or for people to be attracted to you during the darkness of life’s winter. However, it doesn’t mean that they or you fit with each other or that they should be brought into the light of your life. It’s the cold, the dark, and the dormancy, that can create within and around you a sense of complacency, keeping you from reaching your destiny. Being attracted to someone doesn’t mean that he/she should enter into your life or stay in your life from one season to the next, let alone move into your space, and most certainly not into your place.

‘If you don’t take people on, you won’t have to worry about how to leave them alone’ when they fail you. Just because you are attracted to them or they are attracted to you, it doesn’t mean that you have to engage with them and become attached to them. It is time for you to take a realistic look at the people in your life, deciding if they truly fit into the light of your life. Decide whom you should attach to, as well as whom you should allow to attach to you as you travel through life. As you gain greater understanding as to why you seem to keep attracting the ‘wrong’ people into your life, and why you keep allowing the attraction to become an attachment, with you taking on and taking in the ‘wrong’ people out of desperation, you will become stronger and wiser, with greater discernment. You will then see through the bull jive and approach people with open eyes. You will no longer allow what others want for their lives to become your obligation, nor your destination. When it comes to people, you’ll be able to establish clear and consistent boundaries and learn whom to take on, so that you won’t have to worry about trying to hold on, when it’s time to let go and move on!


©2017; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P. O. Box 1745, Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com; joyce@doctorjoyce.com

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Your Success is Your Success!!

You are probably thinking that you should be well on the road to attaining the success that you have worked so long and so hard to attain. But, in all actuality, are you truly ready to receive your success, even though you have been saying that you want it and you’ve been looking forward to receiving it for many years? When it comes to the topic of success, you might want to ask yourself a few questions. Some of these questions are: ‘How do I define success?’ ‘What does success look like for/to me?’ And, ‘Why haven’t I attained the success I would like to attain?’ As well as, ‘What do I need to do differently in order to believe that I am successful?’

Success is an internal state of mind and a state of being. Too often, as human beings, we use external perspectives and material things to determine our level of success. We many times mistake material things as being the true and ultimate measure of our success. But, in reality, success is an inner state of being that grows and permeates your entire being, manifesting into the material and external attributes seen by others.

If your success is measured by the job position you hold, the car you drive, the clothes you wear, the man/woman you are with, the house you live in, the money in your bank account, as well as other material things; you have a problem. If and when these things and people are no longer in your life, you will then consider yourself a failure. And if you lack love for yourself, you don’t know how to accept yourself, and be with yourself, you are not successful. If success is a sense of being, YOU ARE SUCCESS and you are SUCCESSFUL!

The external and material things that you amass, only serve to elevate you to a new economic, social, political, and emotional level. However, they do not determine your level of success; you do! And if these material and external things and people no longer exist (which at some point they won’t), because you are grounded in your internal state of being, you will still exist, with a new sense of direction, a new plan of action, and a new sense of accomplishment, manifesting itself into an internal and external level of success.

Material things will fade away. However, the love and acceptance that you have for you will last forever! By the mere fact that you are who you are, dictates that you are successful! As a matter of fact, it is your internal love, your self-acceptance, as well as your self-confidence that permeates from the inside, empowering you to attain the material wealth you will eventually gain on the outside. Once you realize that YOU ARE SUCCESS, you will come to recognize and realize that no one…I mean no one can take your success from you. “YOUR success is YOUR success!

As you are aware, success can be a lonely place. You have been looking for your success, expecting it to come at any minute, but you’ve also struggled to get your mind right in preparation to receive it. I am sure that you have asked yourself, ‘Am I truly ready for success?’ ‘What will I do with it when I get it?’ ‘How will others view me once I become successful?’ ‘Will I have to share my success with others; and if so, how will I determine who they are?’

In order to recognize and behold the success that is inherently yours, you must stop looking at what you consider to be the success of others, in order to measure your level of success. For some of you, success occurred by happenstance; you weren’t expecting it. You knew that you wanted something(s) better and different in and around your life, and success just happened.

Yes, there were many who inherited material wealth and saw it as success. But the true measure of success is what comes through you…your mind, your heart, your spirit, and the work of your hands.

Successful people have taken the tools and information that they have gathered from other people and situations, as well as their own experiences to catapult them to various levels. They believed in their internal strength, in order for them to dream and imagine where they are, where they are going and the trajectory for which they would like to reach. Successful people have also developed plans for what they could have and want to have on the outside. They also had specific, realistic, written, and attainable goals and plans, with timelines.

When it comes to you recognizing and beholding your success in life, I am sure that you have struggled with additional questions, as well as various levels of fear and/or anxiety; so much so, that you will either miss it when it arrives; you will feel guilty about having it; or you will sabotage your chances of receiving your success. Hence, it is time for you to realize that if you have worked hard to accomplish your success, and you did not take anything from anyone or step on the heads and hands of others in order for you to gain your success, you have nothing to fear and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Also, it is time for you to realize that not everyone is meant to journey with you on your road to success or join you at the end of the road when you receive and celebrate your success.

It is time for you to rid yourself of the guilt and fear regarding the success you attain in life. You must also learn to recognize the people, situations, and circumstances that can contribute to you sabotaging the success that is meant for you. It is also time for you to make guilt-free decisions about the people you take with you and the ones you leave behind, on your road to success. Yes, you might want to take some of your family members with you, some of your friends with you, as well as a partner who has been a liability, not an asset. However, you must weigh your options and decide who are the people you want to sit at your ‘board of directors table.’ There should be a limited number of seats at your table. The seats you fill with others should be indicative of people who recognize that “Your Success is Your Success!” There is no place for jealousy and haters at your board of directors table or along your success journey.

You can relinquish any guilt that you might have about those who will engage in your success circle, once you have actually reached the level of success you have worked hard to attain, as defined by you, and only you. Get ready, get ready; YOUR success is knocking at YOUR door! Will you hear it, see it, and receive it?! GO GET IT!!

Steps to take in recognizing that “Your Success is Your Success”


1.     Love you first.  It is imperative that you have a relationship with you before you will be able to recognize your inner success and attain your external and material success.
2.     Be yourself.  Perpetrating a fraud never works! If you have to change who you are in order for you to reach your goals and declare yourself as successful, you will never be successful, because you will have walked in the footsteps of others and not your own. And they were probably perpetrating also.
3.     Be specific about what you are looking for and expecting as you seek your success.  Your needs and wants are imperative to attaining your success. You must have a specific, written, plan of action, which includes, realistic and attainable goals, timelines, and a contingency plan. If you are not sure as to what you are looking for on your road to success, you will probably settle for anything.
4.     Decide the people you need to keep and those you need to eliminate on your success journey. Recognize that some people will be assets and some will be liabilities. But the greatest recognition is that everyone cannot journey with you, especially the liability placeholders.
5.     Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Recognize the people in a position to help you along your journey and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You don’t know everything and everyone; and that’s okay!

6.     Recognize who got you to where you are and where you are going and don’t ever forget or hesitate to do so privately and publicly!  It is imperative that you recognize the power greater than you on a daily basis. This recognition includes you engaging in daily prayer and thanksgiving, before your success journey begins, on the journey to your success, and most certainly, praying continuously after you have attained your success. Trust God!


©2017; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P. O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com