Saturday, May 5, 2018

Respecting My Womanhood Allows Respect for My Motherhood

Celebrating mothers is always a grand occasion. When you think about it, you should celebrate your mother on a daily basis, not just one day out of the year. She is the person who carried you through a period of gestation (usually nine months), suffered through the pains of labor, and gave you life. And then there are those of you who did not physically carry your child(ren), but you have given them unconditional love, care, direction, and you provided them with all aspects of motherly care necessary  for their healthy and successful growth and development.
Yes, the celebration of mothers is not only a time to recognize your mother, for what she has done, what she is doing, or for what you hope she will or can do for you, but because she was instrumental in contributing to your lifeline! Further, it is also important for you and others to not only celebrate and elevate your mother, but to recognize, respect, and uplift the woman who became your mother. After all, she was a woman before she became your mother. And if you are a mother, as a woman, you deserve the same recognition and respect.
Too often, when women become mothers, they take on motherhood and abate their womanhood. And there are many of you mothers out there who help to perpetuate this unfortunate denial of womanhood after motherhood. Because you become a mother, it doesn’t mean that you are no longer a woman. As a matter of fact, unfortunate situations might not allow you to ever become a biological, surrogate, or adoptive mother, but no matter what your role and status, you will always be a woman. And at some point, it is imperative for you to stop allowing society, your loved ones, and others to define you and your role in life.
It behooves me to understand how a man, who is the product of a woman, meets a female who was a woman when he engaged with her sexually, and with whom he creates beautiful children, can somehow not only begin to disrespect her after she becomes the mother of his child(ren), but he denies her, defies her, and decries her, through disrespect and a stripping of her dignity. To engage in such behavior as a man, you not only denounce the woman who became the mother of your child(ren), you also denounce the woman who became your mother. What the hell is this?! He seems to have difficulty sharing the woman with the children with whom she is now known as mother!
For those of you, as men, who seem inclined to view motherhood as a weakness and opportunity to control, you are basically indicating that you not only disrespect the mother, you disrespect the woman who became the mother of your child(ren). Remember, she was a woman before becoming a mother. The same thing it took to get the woman you’re now with, should be the same thing it takes for you to hold onto the mother, who grew out of the woman. One of the greatest aspects of womanhood is the ability for the woman to grow and transcend to a level of motherhood. However, the process does not eliminate the woman who became the mother.
Women, you also bear a great responsibility for allowing society, your mate, your children, your family, your friends, and others to denounce your womanhood as you transcended into motherhood. As a matter of fact, you are complicit in this unfortunate deed. Somehow, when many of you became a mother, you negated yourself as a woman. Many of you seem to discount yourself, and as a woman, you no longer matter in the scheme of things. Everyone and everything else in your life, around and about you, has become paramount, important, a priority, essential, and important, at your expense. You neglect yourself emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, physically, socially, and otherwise. You count everyone in the equation as you discount yourself, counting you out of the equation.
As a woman, becoming a mother should never be a replacement, but an enhancement and a boldness that shows the power of womanhood developing into motherhood. It is time for those of you who have become mothers to recognize the strength and the power of the essence and the presence of your role as a woman. If you remember, man was not complete until God made a woman!
As a mother, if you can behold the woman in you, you will hopefully come to behold the woman in your mother and forgive her for all of the things you have held against her. Just as you, she was a woman before she became your mother. No, she is not perfect, and neither are you. She has made mistakes just as you have. But, for some reason, you have held your mother to higher standards. Why? Get over it! Just as you had no book to guide you and no magic formula for you to take on the role of mother, your mother was from a different time and space, with less preparation and direction. However, look at you; didn’t you turn out okay, and in some cases, you might believe that you turned out spectacular? It’s time for you to learn the woman in your mother, and for you to remember the woman in you. As she is not just the mother who emanated from the woman; you aren’t too much different from her. As a matter of fact, you emanated from her! 
Ways to Respect Womanhood After Motherhood:
1.       Respect the feminine aspects of your womanhood once you engage in motherhood, in the way you dress, and in the way you care for your body, your mind, and your spirit.
2.       Take time for yourself, by making ‘YOU’ a priority. It’s not all about your children, your mate, and everything external. Everything starts and ends with you.
3.       Don’t be afraid to spend quality time with yourself; read a book, take a trip, go to the movies, take a bubble bath, indulge yourself in gifts for you, etc.
4.       Demand and command respect for yourself and your time, by not allowing yourself go be slotted into the role of mother, by taking on ALL of the household duties and chores.
5.       Demand and command that you are treated with respect, and that you are also shown unconditional positive regard.
6.       Move away from a sense of desperation to be with somebody, allowing people to choose you for their benefit. You have a choice in the choosing, and in ensuring that you are also benefitting from the people you allow into your life.  
7.       Don’t be afraid to ask for and seek help when you need it. You don’t have to try to be, and you truly aren’t superwoman!
8.       Don't be afraid to ask for what you need and want. Stop accepting what everyone gives to you, when you know it’s not best for you, and it’s not what you need, or what you want!
9.       Don’t be afraid to negotiate in order for you to benefit. It’s okay for you to ask for a raise, negotiate your salary, demand parity with men, and not serve as the ‘coffee girl’ at work. 
10.   Take care of your spiritual needs. Engage in meditation, yoga, relaxation techniques, positive affirmations, etc. And if no one else in your house joins you on your day and at your place of worship, GO ALONE!
11.   Take care of your mental and psychological needs by seeing a psychotherapist, reading to keep your mind sharp, and just plain old relaxing.
12.   Take care of your physical needs by having your annual checkups and demanding that your physicians take the time to hear you and listen to you, as well as recognizing and respecting your needs and wishes.
13.   Refrain from, leave from, or do not enter into abusive situations with your mate, your children, boss, friends, or others. You are no one’s walking mat, punching bag, doorknob, or light switch!
14.   Celebrate your womanhood by thanking God for creating you as a woman. Speak positive statements over yourself and about yourself, and allow men to open the door for you, pull out chairs for you, and celebrate you…chivalry is not dead!
15.   Don’t be afraid to look into your mirror, each and everyday, and proudly exclaim: “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Fairest of them ALL? It must be the person in the mirror; it must be ME!”

©2018; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Be Careful Waking Sleeping Dogs; They Just Might Bite!

Now I am sure that you know the title of this blog is not referring to real “sleeping dogs.” The phrase/idiom, ‘let sleeping dogs lie’ is what drives the point of not awaking things and/or situations of information that have been silent for some time. It is a phrase/idiom referring to situations and circumstances in your life that are supposed to be over and done with, and left in the past. It also refers to information that you might have, which no one else has been privy to, situations that you might have engaged in, which no one knows about, behaviors you might have exhibited, which are only known to you or a certain few. These “sleeping dogs” can also refer to information you might have about others in your life, such as your mate, your children, your friends, your boss, and other family members. 

‘Sleeping dogs’ can also be in reference to things done to people, the ensuing situations and insurmountable odds they face, as well as the undo circumstances they face or have faced, that you and others know are wrong, but everyone has turned their heads, closed their eyes to, and turned a deaf ear on, all because they don’t want to deal with the impacts, affects, and effects that their behaviors have had on these people. Often, because of the shame and guilt associated with the mistreatment and maltreatment of some groups of people, rather than talk about the mistreatment and devise a plan of action to eradicate the treatment, everyone seems to go to sleep. Hence, the ‘sleeping dogs lie.’ 

The phrase can also apply to information you have about people who are no longer in your life, such as your ex-husband, ex-friend, ex-boss, etc. In other words, the term “sleeping dogs” refers to your secrets, other skeletons, hush topics, and other information or topics that you and others have kept in your closets that no one knows about or shouldn’t be discussed, due to unwanted consequences. As a matter of fact, any ex’s can also be considered ‘sleeping dogs.’ They no longer exist and the relationship is over; why would you want to awaken the dead relationship/situation, which you had with them in the past?

Anyone who has a ‘sleeping dog’ at his/her feet is in a position of power and control, except when the awakened sleeping dog can negatively impact them. Therefore, you must come to recognize that ‘sleeping dogs’ can either help you, hurt you, or hinder you. That person who abused and misused you, the friend who dumped you for no reason, the person who lied on you and betrayed you, the community you left that was not good to you or for you, the male/female that came on to you and you never told your mate or his/her mate about the come on, the place of worship that did not accept you, are all ‘sleeping dogs’ that you probably should not awaken. It’s time to move away from and move forward in respect to these people, circumstances, and situations from your past. What good would it be for you to divulge the information, resurrect the situation, or try to recreate a relationship by disclosing information or memories from the past, that have no merit or benefit to you or to others? Although you might be feeling melancholy, you cannot allow your emotions to dictate you awakening stuff that has lain dormant for many years. 

My mother used to say, “if you didn’t tell it when you were glad, don’t tell it when you are mad.”  There are those of you who have had abortions, you used to be on drugs, you possess a felony conviction, you have an adopted child somewhere, you have engaged in felonious behaviors, you had an affair, you owe someone quite a bit of money, you told a big lie, etc. These things are now dead in your life and in the lives of others, Therefore, you might want to ask yourself, ‘why do you want to give new meaning to old meaningless situations, with people who no longer matter, possibly bringing results that can do more harm than good?’  

Ask yourself, why do you want to resurrect those past issues, past behaviors, and past actions? What are you hoping to gain by talking about these dead incidents and behaviors from your past or the past of others, in the present? Who will benefit from you resurrecting the information that has been dormant and dead for so long? 

When you think about these dead secrets, you have to begin to look deep inside of you to better understand what your motives are for bringing up past issues that probably have no direct bearing on what is going on in your present life. If you have been able to live without bringing old information to the forefront all this time, how will it make a difference in your current life? What is your motive? If you are knee deep in guilt, you probably can benefit from meeting with a mental health professional to help you to purge your conscious of whatever took place in your past and the past of others, by engaging in a process of self-forgiveness, as well as forgiveness of others. 

Your past is your past, which most certainly has served as stepping-stones to your presence in your present life, and will most certainly have impact on your future. If the things you or others did ‘back in the day’ were so egregious then, will they be any less egregious in the here-and-now? Further more, you must also come to grips with the emotional, psychological, spiritual, financial, career, and physical harm that can potentially arise out of you waking the ‘sleeping dog.’ And if the information and situations from your past have tended to hinder your growth, you must also come to grips with your stuckness and in many cases with your selfishness.

On the other hand, you must decide if you are planning to wake “sleeping dogs” in an attempt to ‘get back’ at someone with whom you have angst. Here’s where the sleeping dog might bite you. When you bring to the present dead information and dead situations that are from your past, with the wrong motives, the wrong intentions, to the wrong people, your motives and intentions just might backfire and hurt you in the end.  The backfiring of your motives and intentions is the bite that you will experience as a result of you waking the ‘sleeping dog.’ If this is the case, you might want to not ‘wake the ‘sleeping dog’ and ‘let the sleeping dog lie.’

As mentioned previously, it is important that you understand the ramifications of bringing to the present the trials and tribulations of the past. You must also come to understand the ramifications of your actions upon you, your children, your family members, friends, and others. Will the awakened dog disclose information that becomes a liability to you and others, or will the information serve as an asset to you and to others? The reality is, if there was ever a chance in hell that the information that has been dead and placed in the past about you or others could serve as an asset, you would have awakened the ‘sleeping dog’ a long time ago. As a matter of fact, the dog would have never been allowed to go to sleep, because the dead and past information would have been present information of conversation and disclosed in the past.

If you play with fire, you might get burned.  The same goes for bringing up past people, past situations, and past circumstances that need to remain in the past. If they/it were/was not of importance to the success of your life in the past and you found reasons to keep the people, situations, and circumstances buried under the covers of the past, you might want to leave them/it buried. 

However, there are times when you might have to awaken some ‘sleeping dogs,’ and you might just have to risk being bitten. The ‘sleeping dogs’ of racism, sexism, ageism, and other isms must be awakened! It is time for you to no longer participate in such antics. It is time for you to put people before politics, families before fame, and children before egos. What you know about those who promote isms must be disclosed in order for the perpetrators to be confronted and dealt with accordingly! 

Still, there are other ‘sleeping dogs’ that you are obligated and charged with awaking. The minister at your place of worship who tried to take advantage of you and others sexually, emotionally, financially, and physically; the man/woman who sexually molested/abused you, your children, or other family members; the person(s) who stole your dreams, turning them into nightmares; the criminal who introduced children to drugs; the politicians who infiltrated poor communities with drugs; the so-called leader who has misappropriated taxpayer funds at the expense of children, etc. These ‘sleeping dogs’ need to be awakened and must be awakened. Standing up, speaking up, and speaking out about the atrocities that have been hidden for far too long will force a plan to rectify the problems, as well as an agenda, and it will hold those accountable who have wronged you and others. Your actions of standing up, speaking up, and speaking out (awaking sleeping dogs) will permeate a system of wrong with right, free the innocent, strengthen the weak, and give power to those who have felt powerless. 

Talk about ‘sleeping dogs?’ The family member who molested/raped you and other children, but was never called out, needs to be called out! It’s time to wake the ‘sleeping dog!’ What about the mistreatment and maltreatment of African-Americans in the United States” who have been and continue to be disenfranchised socially, politically, economically, educationally, and in other disgraceful manners? What about the daily murders of African-American males at the hands of law enforcement who are sworn to protect and serve, and those who are murdered on a daily basis by other African-American males and nothing is being done about it?  More about ‘sleeping dogs’ is evident when the opioid epidemic is greater than the drug epidemic infiltrated into African-American communities and the war that is waged in these communities on a daily basis with guns. This NOT a time to ‘let sleeping dies lie’; it’s time to wake the ‘sleeping dogs!’’   

I cannot promise you that you won’t be bitten and have to fight to maintain who you are and what you have, because you awakened the aforementioned sleeping dogs, but one thing I can promise you is that the dogs won’t be able to sleep any more, because the secrets about their behaviors, situations, and circumstances are unveiled. You will have called them out! Either you stand for something or your will continuously fall for anything! Stand and awaken the right and appropriate ‘sleeping dogs!”


Starting today, I charge you with believing that you can and must awaken some ‘sleeping dogs,’ as long as their awakening is for the benefit, development, enhancement, and overall growth of you and those around you. For too long you and others have not taken a stand to uncover and disclose the truth that sets all of us free. You have no power or might, as long as you are lying down and not standing for what’s right. Take a stand and awaken some of the ‘sleeping dogs’ that have been asleep too long!       

As you ponder ‘waking sleeping dogs,’ consider the following along your journey:

1.   Ask yourself why do you want to wake the ‘sleeping dogs’ of the past.
2.   Ask yourself will any positive changes occur as a result of you awakening ‘sleeping dogs.
3.   Ask yourself what do you hope to gain/accomplish by waking the ‘sleeping dogs’ of your past.
4.   Ask yourself will the people and circumstances change as a result of you ‘waking the sleeping dogs.’
5.   Ask yourself if you, the people, circumstances, or situations will be enhanced, improved, and/or catapulted to higher levels with you awaking the ‘sleeping dogs.’ 
6.   Give yourself permission to leave those people, information, circumstances, and situations in the past, no matter how much you would like to disclose them in the present, if they have no merit or benefit.
7.   Work to forgive yourself and others for whatever people, information, circumstances, and situations that did not warrant uncovering openly in your past and in the past of others.  
8.   Do you have an agenda for moving forward after awaking the sleeping dog, by reengaging and disclosing information about lifeless people, dead circumstances, and dead situations?
9.   If necessary, seek the help of a mental health professional to help you to decipher which ‘sleeping dogs’ should be allowed to sleep and which ones you need to awake.

Always remember, in the final scheme of things, you will find that people, some situations, some circumstances and some relationships are better off being left dead! However, there are many more that must be awakened! There is an old adage that states, “The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.’ WHAT! NODevil is worth your time and effort of getting to know. Once a devil, ALWAYS A DEVIL and many sleeping dogs are the devil



©218; J. Morley Productions; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com; joyce@doctorjoyce.com

Saturday, March 3, 2018

Everybody Plays the Fool Sometime…When Do You Stop?

There is most certainly nothing wrong with giving, caring, and sharing to and with others. However, at some point, there comes a time for someone to give to you, share with you, and care about you. And I am sure that on many occasions it seems as if you give more than you receive. I consider giving an act of planting seeds for you to eventually receive your harvest of a lifetime.

The problem isn’t that you are continuously giving of yourself; it is the fact that on too many occasions you don't seem to know when to establish clear and consistent boundaries related to your giving. You continuously give of your heart, mind, body, and soul, and you sometimes give of your time, talents, and treasures, so much so that you seem to give out, becoming an empty vessel with nothing left for you. And I am also sure that many times you feel used. But guess what? God placed you here to be used. The problem isn’t that you are being used; it is when you allow yourself to be used up or when you allow yourself to be misused.

There are also times when you have felt like a fool for allowing loved ones to misuse you; especially your mate, your children, and other family members. You allow them to get away with behaviors that you would probably never allow anyone else to get away with. They constantly take advantage of your kindness and see you and your kindness as a weakness. They trample on your feelings and your heart, while wreaking havoc in your mind and in your life. But it doesn’t seem to matter, even though you are burdened with hurt and grief. As a result, you often feel confused, but deep down inside, you know that it is time for you to stop the mess and let go of the stress, in order for you to be free to be you, without limitations, chains, shackles, pain, and hurt, as you make a decision to stop being a fool.

The bottom line is that it is time for you to stop allowing others to make a fool out of you. But on the other hand, it is time for you to decide to stop being a fool. Yes, a song once shared the lyrics, “Everybody plays the fool sometime; there is no exception to the rule.” But do you have to play the fool or be a fool all the time? When will you become an exception to the so-called rule? When do you start calling a spade a spade and stop allowing loved ones or others to keep pissing on your head, while they tell you it’s rain? When do you put a time limit on moving past the engagement that you entered into with your mate, which has existed for years, without a ring on your finger, and no wedding date in sight?  Why should he buy the cow when he can get the milk free?

When do you decide to stop being the bank for people who never pay you the ‘borrowed’ money back? When do you stop allowing your children to talk to you any kind of way, and you are still feeding them and paying their way? When do you stop being afraid of and being a fool for your grown children, who live in your house, won’t work, can’t and won’t pay bills, and won’t cut the grass or do anything to help you? And how about your so-called lover, boyfriend or girlfriend, who claims you in the dark, but denies you in the light? Yes, when will you finally stop being a fool?

You might not be a superstar, millionaire, or have a house on the hill, but you still don’t have to be a fool! At some point you will come to recognize your self-worth, your value, and your overall status as a VIP-very important person. Being a very important person has nothing to do with your outside as much as it has to do with your inside. When you value you, respect you, and accept you, you will find that others will do the same. If you keep expecting and accepting less from others, they will continue to give you less or give you nothing at all. It’s amazing that although you expect less and accept less, others look to you to gain all that they can from you, even if it leaves you as an empty vessel.

There are many of you who are afraid to take a stand and a stance and say to your loved ones and so-called friends that you have decided to no longer live on “Fool’s Row” with them, especially if you are playing the role of the fool. Further, you have to let people around you know that you will no longer live or travel down “Insanity Lane,” expecting different results as you engage in the same foolish behaviors. How many times do I have to keep repeating that, ‘people don’t change!’ If she treated you like crap once or twice, she will treat you like crap again. As long as you give her permission to do so and you keep sitting as if you are a toilet bowl, you will continue to receive the ‘Fool Award’ of the year.

You will find that you will feel much better when you stop serving as the doormat, light switch, and doorknob for loved ones and so-called friends. If you believe you have to put on a show and forsake who you are in order to receive love and recognition from others, you are truly a fool. It’s not only time for you to wake up; it’s time for you to wise up, open up, rise up, and speak up!  Take a stand and a stance for YOU! And if others can’t or won’t deal with you after you have surrendered your “Fool’s Card,” it’s their problem, and not yours!



©2018; J. Morley Productions, Inc; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com