Saturday, December 5, 2015

Being Let Down & Being Let Go During the Holidays Doesn’t Mean Giving Up

The holiday season is supposed to be a time of love, merriment, good cheer, good tidings, sharing, giving, and above all compassion. It is one of my most favorite times of the year. The colorful decorations, the bright Christmas lights, the Christmas carolers, the holiday parties, the hustle and bustle of shopping, along with the beautifully wrapped gifts, all help to brighten spirits and lighten moods.

All of the above sounds great, as long as nothing or no one interferes with the sense of utopia!  Does the Grinch really exist? Does he just lurk around to spoil your holiday season with his unexpected and unwanted antics? Unfortunately the Grinch doesn’t just exist during the holiday season; he throws a wrench into your life three hundred and sixty-five day of the year. He playa hates and seeks to   make your life downright miserable.

For many of you, the holiday season brings back memories of loss and loneliness. And for many more of you, it is a time of let downs and disappointments by family members, spouses, mates, friends, and coworkers. It is also a time that many of you have been let go…from jobs, from relationships, from business deals, and from other engagements that you thought would exist for an extended period of time.    

Being let down and being let go is a very difficult experience, no matter what time of the year they occur. The impact of these experiences can be GREAT, and in some cases GRAVE! Along with the unexpected let downs and the lack of preparedness associated with being let go comes many unpleasant emotions.

Being let down and let go not only affects you emotionally, but also psychologically, physically, spiritually, socially, and economically. You will probably experience feelings of rejection, isolation, betrayal, confusion, anger, sadness, despair, depression, loneliness, hopelessness, disappointment, stress, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and homicidal thoughts. Although these feelings can occur any time you experience being let down or let go, the holiday season tends to exacerbate these emotions.

Having these emotions is not the major issue; it’s what you do with them that will make the difference. With assistance from family, friends, and mental health professionals, you can learn to manage your emotions and move forward. You must remember; just as the holiday season passes, whatever is taking place in your life will also pass. It is imperative that you do not make long-term decisions over short-term problems.

But then you have to ask yourself, ‘was I wearing blinders or rose-colored glasses and couldn’t see or did I not want to see the let down or the let go coming?’   Too often, when others betray you, reject you, or unfairly dismiss you, the first place you tend to go is to blame yourself. And too often, you try to put your foot in your own behind, blaming yourself for the let down or the let go you experienced.
Ask yourself if you would’ve been prepared for the let down or the let go whenever it took place. Would January, March, May, or any other months have made the acts of rejection and betrayal more palatable for you? The reality is that pain and disappointment are the same, whenever they occur. Because we have been socialized to expect wonderful things and grand acts of kindness to take place during the Christmas holiday season, we find ourselves devastated when the opposite occurs.

Isn’t it amazing that your mate decided to dump you during the holidays? Guess what? He/she probably wanted to dump you all along! The holidays seem to be the right time to do so. It means one less gift for him/her to purchase. And he/she seemed to use the holiday season as the reason to dump you and hide amidst the hustle and bustle of the season. You might be better off being dumped! You get to end your year free and start your new year free.

 The boss who let you go…he/she, like your mate, hid behind the merriness of the season to fire you and tie up loose ends before the New Year arrives. The overall message is, he/she doesn’t want to take you into the New Year, in an effort to cut losses.’ In all actuality, this seeming setback can be a setup for you to move up! Sometimes, doors that need to be open will remain closed, until the doors that need to be closed are closed.

I know it seems heartless and compassionless to have someone to trample on your emotions, impact and sometimes destroy your earning capacity, while many times inhibiting and/or prohibiting your ability to move forward; especially during the holiday season. And it is probably just as heartless and compassionless as you believe! But in some cases, you must evaluate your options. If there is something to be done to cure the let down or the let go you have experienced, as well as the process and outcome of the experience, then fighting back will be an asset rather than a liability. By all means, get up and fight! What do you have to lose?! After all, “Being let down & being let go during the holidays does not mean giving up.”  

As the holiday season comes, it will go. So, too, will your pain, disappointment, disgrace, and other negative emotions associated with the seemingly callous act put forth against you. The reality is, just because you have been let down, knocked down, or let go, it doesn’t mean you have to lie down or stay down. You can get back up! What seems to be a door closing on you and on your future can become an opportunity for many great doors to open for you and in front of you. You can get back up and you can once again look up!

Here are some pointers in helping you to handle being let down or let go, not only during the holiday season, but three hundred and fifty days of the year.

1.     Recognize that in life, there will always be let downs & you will be let go by someone or from something. Don’t put your eggs in one basket. Relationships are not guaranteed, and jobs and other agreements are not guaranteed forever. The holiday season does not bring an exception to the rule!

2.     Recognize that sometimes the decisions made by others have nothing to do with you. The person who lets you down or lets you go sometimes suffer from selfishness, engage in politics, and they have a need for control, face insecurity, inadequacy, and fear. They many times project these negative attributes on to others and seem to enjoy letting others down and letting them go; all in the name of control.

3.     Assess your role in the let down and the let go. What could you have done differently? Did you really have any control over the situation or the outcome in the first place?

4.     Recognize that what you view as a let down could actually be the set up you need in order for you to get up and move up!

5.     Recognize that being let go could be an opportunity for you to be set free.

6.     Don’t be afraid to own your feelings and confront them. Decide to get up out of your bed of despair, desperation, and depression each and every day. Open your blinds/curtains everyday when you arise, even if the sun is not shining on the outside.

7.     Recognize that YOU are in control of YOU! Don’t wallow in your pain. Remember the reason for the season. Remember, just like the holiday season, the let downs and the let go’s of life will also pass!

8.     Engage with PPGP’sPositive People Going Places. See the holiday season as an opportunity for you to enlarge your territory, meet new people, and to seize a chance to be introduced to new and greater opportunities.

9.     Remember; when the weight of the let down and being let go becomes too heavy for your shoulders and too large for your heart…PUT THEM DOWN! TALK WITH SOMEONE; FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE & NOT THE NEGATIVE. Start looking through your windshield of life, which is much larger than the rear view mirror of your let down or you being let go; even during the holidays

10.  And if you can’t reach within yourself to find the strength to go on and move on, seek the help of a professional. THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR YOU TO MAKE A LONG-TERM DECISION OVER A SHORT-TERM PROBLEM! GET UP & MOVE UP!

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