If you start your relationships with secrets, secrets then become lies. Secrets are basically glorified tombs of emotional, physical, and spiritual forms of imprisonment. The lies you engage in or allow your mate to engage you in, serve to keep you and your mate both in a prisoned state within your relationship. Once you tell one lie, you must then tell another lie to cover the lie you initially told, in order for you to hide the secret you believed needed to be hidden; which was actually a truth you needed to face. Relationships full of secrets and lies cannot thrive, nor will they survive!
For every secret, there is an attached lie. Eventually, one of you will lose and one of you will win. However, in all actuality, when secrets and lies are involved, both of you will eventually lose...one way or another. If you start your relationships with honesty and openness, you will not only start out on the right foot, your relationships will continue in the right direction and on the right path…a path of thriving and surviving
It is important for you to recognize why you believe you must keep secrets and why the truth you are hiding has to be a secret. Who and what are you hiding from? What are you running away from? Relationships come and relationships go. However, if you want your relationships to not only come, but to also remain, you must recognize the importance of engaging in happy, positive, and healthy relationships from the onset. Happy, positive, and healthy relationships involve truth and honesty, from start to finish.
It is important to remember that the way you start your relationships will determine the direction as well as the destiny of your relationships. Happy, positive, and healthy relationships must start with you being honest and open with yourself, before you can expect to have happy, positive, and healthy relationships with others.
A ‘real’ relationship with ‘real’ love doesn’t have secrets and lies as it’s base; cheating is an exception and not an option; dishonesty is not the mantra of your relationship; secrets are only kept as surprises and expressions of love; sneaking around entails you wearing sneakers on your feet and not sneaking around on your mate; and hiding information is not acceptable. As a matter of fact, if these characteristics exist, you are not in a ‘real’ relationship, but a perpetrated situation!
Relationships that do not include secrets and lies are those that entail honest and open communication. These are the happy, positive, and healthy relationships. On the other hand, situations involve wallet and purse rifling, cell phone inspections, clothes and underwear sniffing, secrets and lies, as well as other wild and crazy behaviors. And if you aren’t yet in a relationship, be sure to avoid those situations that involve secrets and lies. You deserve better!
You must decide if you want to be in a situation or a relationship. A situation is a short-term convenience, whereas, a relationship is a long-term commitment. Situations are usually perpetrated forms of opportunity and many times involve secrets and lies. Either you choose a situation that encompasses no love at all, which is basically love without a heart, or you can choose a relationship that is filled with ‘real’ love…love that starts as Philia love, becoming Eros love. But before you can have Philia or Eros love with someone else, you must have Agape love, which is Godly love.
How Can You Have Real Love that Does Not Include Secrets and Lies?
1. Love you first. It is imperative that you have a relationship with yourself before you will be able to have a successful relationship with someone else. If you have difficulty loving and accepting you, you will have difficulty loving and accepting someone else. You will also have difficulty allowing someone else to love and accept you.
2. Be yourself. If you have to change who you are in order to be in a relationship, something is wrong. The way you start a relationship is the way it will end. There is nothing wrong with compromising, but you should not have to give up being you.
3. Be specific about what you are looking for and expecting in a relationship. Your needs and wants are imperative to a successful relationship. If you are not sure as to what you are looking for in and individual, including your expectations, you will probably settle for anything and anyone.
4. Get to know the person before entering into a relationship. You need to know as much as you can about the person before entering into a relationship, including background information, sexual orientation, cultural values, family of origin issues, credit score, educational background, etc.
5. Ensure that you and the person are reaching for the same goals and have the same vision. Most relationships are not successful because the two parties are not on the same page and they are not going in the right direction. You must have more than a couple of things in common, especially if you expect the relationship to last for a period of time.
6. Be honest with yourself about your past, your present, and your future. Take inventory of your life; where you have been, where you are, and where you are going. This process entails you forgiving yourself and letting go of your painful past, allowing you to no longer feel guilt.
7. Engage in a personal oath to not hold secrets or engage in lies with yourself. If you stop holding imprisoning secrets that contain pain and stop lying to yourself about the secrets, it will be easy for you to not engage in relationships that cause you to hold secrets believe that you have to lie about them
8. Free yourself to accept no one and nothing but the best. You have taken a realistic look at yourself, forgiven yourself, and you no longer have to engage in secrets and lies with yourself. Therefore, you will engage in relationships with persons who are compatible to and with you. You see yourself as the best…you will only seek and accept the best!
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