Dr. Joyce Speaks

No matter what happens in life, you must always go back to the beginning of your life. Everyone’s beginning started with a mother and a father. And even if fathers helped to create you, many of you grew up without your father in your life. However, most mothers stayed the course.

Mothers experience what is sometimes considered the pleasure or the pain of carrying their children for nine months or less. And then they bear the pains of labor. Many mothers experience the carrying, the labor, and the birth of their children alone. But no matter the situation, no matter the circumstances, and no matter the struggles, these bold and beautiful women hold their families together, and they do their best to bond with their children, even alone. They do their level best to try to hold their families together and keep their children. They are usually the glue that holds the family together, as well as the glue to mend and hold the lives of their children and others together.

Were they all successful in holding their families together? No, they weren’t. But when you tally up the numbers, the successes outweigh the losses. If it weren’t for mothers, where would many of you be? Through your tears and laughter, your happiness and sadness, your failures and successes, your darkness and your sunlight, your losses and your gains, your let downs and your pickups, when you take a realistic look at the outcomes, your mother or the woman designated to serve in her role was and probably still is there for you. And through it all, no matter what you have done; through all of your faults and failures, she has never left you. Unlike Humpty Dumpty, your mother always found the strength and the glue to help piece your life back together again!  

Along with holding the family and various lives together in the midst of pain and struggles, mothers and grandmothers who were responsible for the rearing of their grandchildren seem to always have the right words to say and the answers to all of your questions. They seem to have un-measurable strength for which they are many times not recognized or respected.  

“Mothers and grandmothers have always had a way of saying some of the most unbelievable and outrageous things!You’ve probably sometimes wondered, “what does that mean?” or “who is she talking about?”* 

“Whatever your background or geographic location, your Mama, Grandma, or Big Mama have always had a message in whatever they said, no matter how far-fetched their sayings may have seemed. But there was a method to their madness. Their messagesevolved, helping you to move forward in your life,embracing the future. And if themessage was not as clear at the time, clarity inevitablyevolvedover time, molding you into the man or woman you are today.”*

“If your Mama was anything like mine, she sometimes spoke in riddles and parables, forcing us to listen and think. In actuality, through our exposure to the many things our mothers said, we were afforded some of the best teachers in life and for life. These teachers were our mothers. Much of what they had to say was based on their efforts to provide love, guidance, and direction. These sayings were given to us with the belief that we would one day gain awareness, insight, understanding, and positive life lessons.”*

Mother’s Day is right around the corner. However, it will be a Mother’s Day like no other. Many of you will not be able to celebrate your mother in person, in an effort to ensure that she continues to live. And others of you, as a result of the impact of the COVID-19 coronavirus or other situations, have lost your mother or the person who took on the role of mother in your life. Yes, it will be a difficult Mother’s Day! However, even if your mother is physically out of reach as a result of the pandemic or she has transitioned from this life, you are still blessed. You still have the love, the memories, the hope and the faith, which you received from your mother. These attributes now serve as the base and the basis for who you are in this space of time, and they are examples of the glue that holds you together in helping you to overcome your current life situations.

Here is your opportunity as Shirley Caesar once sang, to “Remember Mama in a Special Way.” Make a list of ten (10) attributes and 10 things you appreciate about your mother and present them to her on Mother’s Day. And if your mother has transitioned, take your lists and either put them in the Bible for her to see or visit her resting place and orally share the list with her. She will hear you no matter where she is. Remember, “Mothers are the Glue to Holding Life Together.” She has helped and continues to help you to hold your life together, no matter her location!

Happy Mother’s Day!

To Mama**

Who works her fingers to the bone;

Often struggling through life alone.

Her late night tears and late night touch

Have healed and helped us, oh so much!

There is none to compare

To this gift from God, so great, so fair;

The love and understanding from my dear mother.

I roamed the earth both near and far;

And I’ve never been able to find another.

Mama I love you wherever you are;

In my eyes, you’re always a star.

Although for some time now we’ve been apart,

I cherish your memory deep in my heart.

It wasn’t by chance that our paths merged as one;

Our time together was essential to God’s will being done.

A tie which bound us together through thick and thin,

Has transcended through time from beginning to end.

**©1999; Joyce Morley, Ed.D., “Weary But Not Worn: A Spiritual Reawakening” 

I offer my condolences and prayers to the families that have lost loved ones as a result of the COVID-19 coronavirus. I also offer my prayers and hope for those brave medical heroes and sheroes who battle the disease on a daily basis, while putting their own lives on the line. Hold on, keep the faith, and continue to fight!

Exodus 3:7-8 “…I have surely seen the affliction of my people…and have heard their cry…for I know their sorrows;” And I am come down to deliver them out…”

Psalm 91:10-11 “…neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. For he shall give his angels charge over thee to keep thee in all thy ways.”

We are facing challenging times of change and uncertainty. However, in the midst of the change, the uncertainty, the pain, the confusion, and the disappointment, it is essential that you seek truth. When I awoke one morning a couple of weeks ago, I, like many other Americans who decided to follow the CDC directive to self-quarantine for two weeks and engage in social distancing, noticed for hours that I had not heard airplanes flying overhead. The eerie feeling and the seemingly strange silence I experienced that day, along with the emptiness and extreme calmness that loomed over the city as I traveled to the supermarket the next day, to ensure that I had the household necessities for an unpredictable stay at home, were quite palpable. However, in the midst of my experiences, as well as the reality of what was and what is happening to families in America and around the world, related to the devastatingly increased number of persons testing positive with the COVID-19 coronavirus, as well as the increased number of those whom have died from the virus, I still see a light at the end of the tunnel! I still see the glass as half full, instead of half empty! I still see hope in the midst of the darkness! If I looked at this uncontrollable, unpredictable, and disrespectful virus any other way, I would be contributing to its victory. However, I WILL NOT speak to or contribute to its longevity! It shall and it WILL pass, and we will survive it! As a matter of fact, we will come out better as individuals, families, as a country, and as a world!! I believe that’s what God wants and expects!

The reality is that in America, we have been socially distant for some time. Based on our memberships in certain groups, our class status, our race, our creed, and our gender, we distance ourselves from people unlike us. And in another vein, families, friends, and coworkers practice social distancing on a daily basis. How many families sit at the breakfast or dinner table together? And if they sit together at all, how many family members talk with each other, join in the same room with each other, and engage with each other without being on their technical devices?

Further, friends, coworkers, and family members often attend social gatherings with several different people, but each is holding his/her own independent and separate mobile phone, while engaging in separate verbal or text conversations.Too many of you live in homes where you are in one room, while your mate, your children, and other family members remain in separate rooms on separate floors within your home, with little or no communication. Too many of you find it easy to not speak to your neighbors, to block your colleagues from moving upward into new positions. And there are too many of you, who tend to ignore your children, belittle, begrudge, and avoid people who don’t look like you, and sometimes work tirelessly to shutdown those whose opinions are different from yours. You distance yourself socially, emotionally, and otherwise from people who don’t have what you have. Sadly, many of you have been experts in the area of social distancing throughout your life. The question is, how close are you willing to move towards others after this storm passes? And believe me, it will pass!

There has been a grave technology divide in this country, which must be taken seriously after this pandemic. Many of you weren’t talking directly with each other, weren’t touching each other, and you spewed more hate than love toward others, even before the directive to engage in social distancing was given. Why does social distancing seem to be so hard for you now? It’s because you are not controlling the directive.

It is imperative that you and others do not minimize the impact and the effects of the COVID-19 coronavirus. It is imperative that you follow the directives of the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and not that of the politicians using this pandemic to tie up the airwaves in order to campaign for the next presidential election. The COVID-19 coronavirus is real! The stock market fell, death of loved ones increased, many of you continue to suffer physically and emotionally, and many of you have lost your jobs. Out of necessity, many of you are physically separated from your parents, grandparents, and other loved ones. However, in the midst of this pandemic, there are many people who are surviving the virus! You must believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You must not lose your faith or your hope! You must see the glass as half full, instead of half empty! You are NOT alone! Fear and worry will not fix your situation or the situations faced by your family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues. Love, proper care, and attention, even at a distance will go a long way. You must continue to believe that there is a light at the end of this tunnel of darkness!

Your health is your wealth, not the stoked fears about the economy, as espoused by the guy in the white house! If the white house and state governors do not focus on the health and lives of he people of this country, the economy won’t matter. It’s all about you, your family, your friends, and others; I’s al about the people of America. But in the midst of it all, you must remember that, ‘this too shall pass!’

Now is not the time for you to become emotionally, psychologically, or spiritually bankrupt, or to allow yourself to relapse into past addictive behaviors. And although you have lost your job and you are not accustomed to spending as much time with your mate, your children, and other family members, now is not the time for you to allow your lack of patience, your lack of control, and your anger to get the best of you, by engaging in domestic violence or abuse of your mate and your children.* Now is not the time for you to take flight; it is time for you to stand up and fight against the dangers of this pandemic and not against your loved ones. Now is not the time for you to give up!

In order to ensure that all of us will soon move beyond the COVID-19 coronavirus, I need you to take a stand with me to keep fighting for life and to declare and decree a victory over the COVID-19 coronavirus. The first order in this process is to follow the truth and the facts being put forth by the CDC and the medical professionals, and not the guy in the white house. And even if your state and the guy in the white house are not directing you to engage in social distancing and wear facial masks when you are in the public, I beseech you to do both. And although you miss attending church, as Pastor Rick Warren stated, don’t be a fool! We don’t need a replay of the Jim Jones massacre that took place in Jamestown, Guyana, in 1978.

To help to ensure that you and your family members, friends, and loved ones not only have a greater chance of surviving the COVID-19 coronavirus, but to also ensure that you keep the faith and remain hopeful, believing, ‘this too shall pass,’ I have provided helpful and practical activities below, for you all to utilize.

Practical Activities for Dealing with the COVID-19 Coronavirus Pandemic

I. Engage in Conversations & Discussions with your family, children, and friends that:

· Are rich, bold, candid, courageous, open, honest, factual, responsible & age appropriate

· Stay in the NOW & in the KNOW--Research & share what’s going on locally, nationally & internationally

· Watch age-appropriate newscasts that report the facts & not self-serving political jargon

· Define COVID-19, Coronavirus, its implications, impacts (socially, economically, emotionally, and psychologically), as well as your obligations

· Disclose & explore conjectures, theories, assumptions, & untruths…dispel those that don’t fit

· About Life & living

· About death & dying

· Personal & family needs, resources & options

· Humanity—US & WE—THE ELDERLY-What can YOU do to help from afar?

· About hope, faith, patience, believing & NOT GIVING IN OR GIVING UP!

II. Discuss and Deal with Emotional & Psychological Implications

· FEAR is NOT an Option

· Discuss & reach out to mental health professionals on how to deal with stress, anxiety, fear, depression, loss, lack of control, lack of predictability, confusion, anger, insomnia, neurosis, suicidal ideations, & the after PTSD that will be rampart after the COVID-19 coronavirus

· Share feelings, concerns & fears with family members & other friends by telephone, Skype, Zoom, etc.; not just posting on Facebook or Instagram…they’re seeking help also!

· Deal with your faith—Watch online religious services; read daily scriptures with family, friends, coworkers, using technology if necessary

· Instill hope & holding on-Spirituality

· Engage in daily relaxation techniques

· Engage in deep breathing exercises

· Engage in daily journaling

· Practice yoga-online classes

· Practice daily meditating-Spend time with yourself

· Engage in daily oral positive affirmations—A Positive Word/Phrase A-Day; post them on refrigerator & bathroom mirror

· Engage in cognitive restructuring—Work on ridding yourself of negative thoughts-Glass half full instead of glass half empty

· Seek & engage in telemental health or teletherapy—Telephone, Skype, Zoom, etc. psychotherapy (www.doctorjoyce.com; 770-808-6570; joyce@doctorjoyce.com; National Mental Health Hotline—1-800-950-6264**

III. Activities for Families in Quarantine-Social Distancing

· SEE #I-Conversations & Discussions

· Entertain & answer questions; Search for answers together

· Assure Safety & Protection; especially with children

· Have a thirty-day (30) family plan (daily, weekly), including a safety plan, activities & meals)

· Develop a daily schedule as if everyone is going to school or work—TIME TO ARISE & TIME TO GO TO BED; SHOWER & GET DRESSED

· Develop & follow an academic Schedule & activities; VISIT SCHOOL DISTRICT WEBSITE FOR ONLINE ACTIVITIES & ACADEMICS

· Develop as much normalcy as possible during an abnormal time

· Prepare children for each school day at home

· Decipher individual & family needs

· Define & respect individual space within the home

· Find & take time to pend with & discover or rediscover self & families

· Find & take time to evaluate/reevaluate internal & external relationships

· FaceTime, Skype, Zoom with Family Members & Friends—ESPECIALLY ELDERLY GRANDPARENS & OTHERS

· Engage in storytelling

· Attend religious services together, online, as a family

· Practice spirituality—Develop & practice daily oral affirmations

· SEE #II—EMOTIONAL & PSYCHOLOGICAL IMPLICATIONS

· Hold read-a-thons

· Hold spelling bees

· Balance work & play—Family exercise time; play out side in the yard

· Play & discuss music--Compare past & present types & forms of music

· Hold movie nights

· Play board games

· Engage in daily exercise & walks around the yard or the neighborhood; basketball, kick ball…PRACTICING SOCIAL DISTANCING if walking in the neighborhood

· Everyone engage in journaling time before bed

· Take a day to engage in individual & family goal-setting

· Take naps

· Talk about the economy

· Engage in WEEKLY cleaning parties

· Hold regular family updates—Friends, hopes, dreams, aspirations, Everyone answer these questions:

1. This what I think…

2. This is what & how I feel…

3. This is what I am grateful for…

4. These are my concerns…

5. This is what makes me happy

6. These are my dreams & hopes for after the pandemic

IV. The Importance of Thinking & Speaking Positively

· Discuss glass half full, not half empty concept

· Practice being thankful

· Practice being grateful ---NOT ENTITLED

· Practice humility

· Practice being appreciative

· Practice patience

· Practice & exhibit love, respect, caring, sharing, responsibility, showing humanity

V. Thinking & Looking Beyond the Virus

· What Five (5) Positive Things Can I & Will I Do Differently as an Individual?

· What Five (5) Things Will We Do Differently as a Family?

· What are Three (3) Things I am Willing to Do to Positively Impact My Community?

· What Are Three (3) New Things I Learned About Me?

· What Are Three (3) New Things I Learned About My Family?

VI. RECOGNIZING & VALUING Modern Day Heroes & Sheroes

· Persons on the Front Line (Doctors, nurses, mental health professionals, PA, police officers, fire fighters, mayors, governors, pilots, flight attendants, journalists, educators, truck drivers, service personnel, etc.)

· Children & parents, the clergy, superintendents, teachers, principals, counselors, psychologists, other school administrators, secretaries, administrative assistants, bus drivers, cafeteria workers, librarians, maintenance workers, SRO’s, neighbors, etc.

VII. Deciding What’s Next?

In the midst of trouble and crises, we begin to see all that we should do or what we can do. However, the question is, what are you willing to do after the trouble is over and the crisis has passed?

The light DOES and WILL once again shine brightly at the end of the tunnel, after the COVID-19 coronavirus! Get ready to see it, to behold it, and to walk in it, remembering that, ‘This is not the time for you to quit!!!’ “This Too Shall Pass!”

*National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233)

**National Mental Health Hotline (1-800950-6264)

Dr. Joyce Speaks

Saturday, May 2, 2020

Mothers are the Glue to Holding Life Together

Saturday, April 4, 2020

This Too Shall Pass: Surviving COVID-19-Coronavirus