Conquering the Pitfalls of Life: Moving from a State of Stuck to Unstuck

I know that life has been a relay race for so many of you. However, in the midst of and along the highways and byways of the race, I hope that you have been able to stay the course. And if not, that's okay too. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel! The great news about your life’s course is that you can altar that course along the way, in the midst of the detours, roadblocks, barriers, falls, pitfalls, falters, and failures. The course can only remain dark for so long. 

 

Life will not always be a bed of roses. And often times when there are roses, there are also thorns. You must decide if you would like to be stuck by the thorns of roses for a short time or remain stuck in the darkness for a lifetime. One thing about thorns is that they are everywhere in life, but you have the opportunity and the choice of continuously being stuck or moving to a place of being unstuck. Being stuck in any manner comes with a measure of pain. Although there is hurt with pain, pain can also allow and promote growth. But before you can grow, you must release yourself from a state of being stuck.

 

Being stuck is the state of being pushed or locked into a place that does not seem to have any space or room for movement or to exit. I am sure that you have often heard people talk about being in a state of stuck and they refer to it in various ways. They will often state that they are ‘stuck between a rock and a hard place.’ The metaphor of being stuck between two hard and solid entities that are often seen as immovable objects can be a seemingly difficult and daunting situation. However, if you continue to not see a way out of the situation, the circumstance, or your condition, although you found a way into the situation, circumstance, or condition, you will remain in a state of being stuck. 

 

Some of you have seen yourselves ‘stuck on a limb or hanging on by a thread.’ You felt stuck, unable to move for fear of falling. However, at some point you must get off the limb and let go of the thread and grab the rope that’s been dangling right next to the limb all along, making sure that you reach beyond the break. As long as you hold onto your stuck status, you will remain stuck. 

 

Quicksand is a state of being genuinely stuck. Even in quicksand, with a helpline, you can be pulled from, removed from, and rescued from your stuck status. Your belief system has a profound impact on the actions that you take in any situation. As long as you believe in yourself, and you believe that you can do whatever you set your mind to do, you will be successful, including getting out a state of being stuck.

 

I am sure that there are times you have felt stuck in many ways, such as being stuck in a dead-in job, stuck in a bad situation (calling it a relationship), stuck in or with a condition, stuck with the wrong friend/people, etc. Guess what? Although the situation and/or circumstance seems very sticky and there doesn’t seem to be anyway out, just as you can maneuver and work to remove gum that is stuck on your shoe, with a plan of action, hard work, consistent and persistent maneuvering, you will eventually move from a state of being stuck to a state and place of being unstuck. Believing in your right to be free, and believing in your right to gain another chance at life will make it much more plausible for you to be able to take stock of your situation, circumstance, and/or condition, in order to move from a state of denial to a state of action. Once you are ready to take action and do something different, you will be able to develop a realistic and attainable plan of action to free yourself from your stuck state.

 

Although it probably took little or no time for you to become stuck in a situation or circumstance, becoming unstuck is a process, not an event. You must first recognize and gain a sense of awareness about your state of stuck. Decide what areas have you found yourself stuck. How did you get to the place of being stuck? How long have you been there? Once you have gained a sense of awareness about your state of stuck, your perspective and perception about your state of being stuck becomes one of the most paramount steps in helping you to become unstuck. How you see your situation, circumstance, and/or condition, as well as what you think and feel about it will affect your belief as to whether you are stuck, as well as the depths of your state of stuck. It will also determine whether you are stuck for a period of time or for a lifetime. Your belief will also help you to admit that you are stuck.  

 

Your perception and your perspective regarding your situation, circumstance, and/or condition will determine what you believe about your ability to overcome the pitfalls of life in order to move from darkness to light and then become unstuck. In order for you to rise up and out of the darkness of being stuck, you must start believing that you can see and enter the light of no longer being stuck, no matter how things might seem within you and around you. You must also believe that you deserve to not only see the light, but that you also deserve to live in the light. However, if you believe that you are stuck in the darkness and can’t or won’t make efforts to find the light switch to help you enlighten your way out of darkness, it will be quite difficult for you to behold the light, even as it is shining all around you. As a result, you will remain stuck! Therefore, you must give yourself permission acknowledge the truth regarding your perceptions and your perspectives as you gain patience in moving through the process of you no longer being stuck in mind, body, or spirit, based on your situation, your circumstance, and/or condition, with or without other people.

 

You must want to become unstuck and you must be willing to let go of the situations, circumstances, conditions, people, habits, fears, and locations that have contributed to your continued state of being stuck. Whether you want to admit it or not, some of you have become accustomed being stuck; you are comfortable being in your stuck bed. Also, some of you don’t want to put forth the energy, the actions, and the work that will allow you to finally be free. It’s time to stop making excuses, move beyond your fears, and do what’s necessary for you to claim or reclaim you state of being unstuck!

 

Once you have been able to clarify and clearly identify and state your perspective and perception about your state of being stuck and you have freely given yourself permission to advance through the continued process of being unstuck, you must then move to identify and document your purpose and your position in moving from a state of stuck to unstuck. If you cannot succinctly identify and document why you desire to finally become unstuck, after having been in the darkness of stuck for so long, the task will be much more difficult for you. There must be a reason for your journey upward and out of the valleys in which you have been traversing for sometime, in order for you to finally reach your mountaintop. Your purpose cannot be fully recognized and documented until you engage in a process of communication and meditation with yourself, in order for you to begin to see the light and understand where you have been, where you are, as well as where you are going after you become unstuck. 

 

Without purpose, you will have difficulty developing a plan of action encompassing the necessary steps and timeline for you to catapult yourself out of the darkness and valleys of stuck into the light and on top of the hills of unstuck. You can do it; yes you can! Your action plan for escaping your state of stuck must include goals, action steps, as well as the resources, human, material, financial, or other resources that you will need, in order for you to put your plan to become unstuck into action. It is also important to ensure that your plan to become unstuck fits the situation, circumstance, and/or condition, in which you believe and feel you are stuck. Your plan must also include a timeline for accomplishing the goals of your unstuck plan. You are ready and you are on your way to “Conquering the Pitfalls of Life by Moving form a State of Stuck to Unstuck.”

 

As you prepare to move from your state of stuck to becoming unstuck, think of yourself as a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. You, too, will engage in chrysalis as you experience a metamorphosis, transforming to a higher state of being—being unstuck. Get ready for the transformation from your negative situations, circumstances, and/or conditions. Get ready to see your pitfalls as pull ups. As the butterfly doesn’t allow itself to be stuck in the state of being a caterpillar crawling on its belly, you will also pick yourself up and move from the state of being down to moving up. It is time for you to spread your wings and recognize your freedom as a powerful human being. The rock is gone and so too is the hard place in which you felt caught between.

 

There is truly a light at the end of every tunnel you face in life. You might see nothing but darkness and you might feel stuck as you manage the process to maneuver your way from a state of being stuck to a place of being unstuck. Just hold onto the broken pieces of your life and reach beyond the break of the life ropes that have been stripped and frayed, as you pull yourself up and out. It can happen and it will happen. You can do it!

 

It's time for you to decide to transform, transfer, and transition from your state of stuck to a new state of unstuck by freeing yourself from any and all situations, circumstances, and/or conditions in your life. Whatever and whomever in your life that no longer fits in your life is eradicated and erased. Pray and reach beyond the break. Reach up to God and accept His mighty hands that can pull you up and out of your situation, circumstance, and/or circumstance of stuck. You are no longer stuck! You are free to be; you are free to be you! Get up, stand up, and spread your wings; you are no longer stuck! Butterfly, take your wings; show your beauty, show your boldness, and show that you are unstuck…YOU Are FREE TO FLY!!! 

 

©2021; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time

I am sure that there are times when you might look back over your past life; many times with regret, sometimes with envy, sometimes with angst, sometimes with a sigh of relief, and many times with a ‘thank you God!’ Some of your past life memories are sad, some are happy, some are memories you wish you could erase, and others are memories you wish you could relive. There are times when you reminisce about your past, which might cause tears and there are times that might evoke smiles. Too often, it seems as if it is more difficult to leave your past behind when there has been hurt and pain. It seems to follow you wherever you are and wherever you go. And often due to a lack of self-forgiveness and a lack of forgiveness of and for others, your head and your heart seem fixated on what’s behind you, instead of what’s in front of you, and what’s ahead of you. Your heart is too small to carry people and your past within it.

 

I am sure that man or that woman you slept with years ago that ended in a one-night stand was a bad experience for you. That man or that woman you married years ago that ended in divorce might have been a difficult experience for you, and in many cases, detrimental to you and for you. However, he/she has probably gone on with his/her life, as you seem to be stuck in your past. As a matter of fact, as Anita Baker once sang, ‘He/She couldn’t do right because he/she was the wrong man/woman’ from the onset; and you knew it at the time. Not only is that person is in your past, but he/she is also taking up space in your head and your heart, living rent-free. 

 

When you look at the reality of your present, you will come to realize that someone had to leave from your life, in order for the right someone to enter your life. You had to lose out on jobs and friends you thought were right for you, in order for you to embark upon a new life direction, allowing new and genuine friends to enter your life. Without closed doors, opened doors cannot manifest.

 

It’s time for you to realize that you cannot turn back the hands of time. The people you have regrets about are in your past; leave them there! If you haven’t found the right man/woman, it’s probably because you keep looking behind you, focused on your past, instead of living in the present and looking ahead. That right man/woman might just be right in front of you. However, because the realm of your present attention is blocked by the darkness of your past, you are also allowing blockers of the good fortune in your here and now. 

 

As with any human being, you have and you will continue to make mistakes in your life. The problem isn’t that you fell, faltered, or failed; the problem is you wallowed in your falls, your falters, and your failures, and you have not gotten back up. And as a young person, you probably lived your life as if you were traveling haplessly and sometimes recklessly on an eight to ten lane superhighway, not living your life with the end in mind. You did negative things, as well as some great things in your past, and you probably experienced some successes. However, as you’ve matured in age, and hopefully matured in your heart, your mind, and your spirit, you have come to recognize that your superhighways of earlier days have become two-lane roads, forcing you to either do right or do wrong. As you have lost family members, loved ones, and others in your life, you have also come to recognize that there is an eventual end to all things in life. With your increased level of understanding, you have hopefully also come to recognize that it is time for you to let go of your past, live in your present, as you prepare for and anticipate the greatness of your future. 

 

Your life is similar to driving a car. You drive to reach a destination. Because you are moving forward and not backward as you drive, the creators of the automobile decided that the only way for you to see where you’re going, in order to reach your destination, you must have any and all obstructions removed from your view. Therefore, the windshield of your car was created larger than the rearview mirror of your car. Your car’s rearview mirror is developed for you to take momentary glances into what you pass along your journey to reach your destination. If you continue to focus on and look into the rearview mirror, you will surely crash. Unfortunately, you might not survive!

 

As with driving a car, you must have a full, unobstructed view of where you are and where you are going in your life. Your past should only serve as momentum for you to move forward with your present and future aspirations, no matter what occurred as you journeyed through your past

 

I do understand that there are times when the nightmares of your past cause hurt, and the remnants of your past experiences seem to invade your present reality and your future dreams with pain and desperation. You desperately seek solace within your own misery and the failures of your past, not recognizing that until you close the doors of your painful past, you will not be able to enjoy the pleasantries of your present and prepare to accept the bright possibilities of your future. You must have the desire to leave your place of past pain, in order to recognize and reach your opportunities for gain, aborting your unconscious and sometimes conscious acts of self-sabotaging.

 

Cher once sang, “If I Could Turn Back Time.” The lyrics of her song mainly focused on her regrets of hurt and pain against others. In all actuality, not only do sticks and stone break your bones, words can and do hurt. However, turning back the hands of time cannot and will not erase past atrocities that occurred to you or the ones you caused against others. Turning back the hands of time isn’t an option! Life doesn’t operate on rewind, still play, pause, or fast forward; it plays out in real time. Therefore, you must come to accept the difficult reality that you will never be able to go back to where or when you hurt someone, or where or when you said the wrong thing, or did the wrong thing. And some of you erroneously believe that you can ‘pick up where you left off,’ in an effort to heal past wounds in the present. 

 

To be able to pick up where you left off would mean that you paused life for a short period of time, once again starting at the point of pause, when you are ready. As previously stated, there are no pauses in life. Life plays out on a continuous and continual basis, whether you want to participate or whether you choose not to participate; there is no going back! And because there is no going back, you will be better served by making a decision today to move from a daily state of looking back, to a daily state of living in the present, while looking forward. In other words, moving past your state of being stuck to a state of being unstuck.

 

At some point you must decide to stop making decisions with your heart and start using your head to make decisions. Forgive yourself, forgive others, let go, and let God. You must move past the ‘if I would’ve, could’ve, should’ve’ syndrome. 

 

No matter how painful or how joyous were the experiences of your past, you won’t forget your past. You will learn to put the experiences of your past in proper present perspective, to your benefit and not to your demise. Having you forget your past is not the intent of this blog. You are supposed to start learning the art of using your past as stepping-stones, instead of stumbling blocks. At this point, you must begin to isolate the ‘good,’ the ‘well,’ and the 'healthy' points of your life, instead of holding onto and hanging onto the ‘bad,’ ‘sick,’ and ‘unhealthy’ points of your life. As you move beyond the crippling aspects of your past, you’ll be able to sing the words included in Rev. Paul Jones’ famous song, “I Won’t Complain.” “I’ve had some good days, I’ve had some hills to climb. I’ve had some weary days…but when I look around, all of my good days outweigh my bad days; I won’t complain.” 

 

In the end, when you look back over your life, you might want to take the time to pat yourself on the back for the survival of your past, instead of continuously trying to use your own foot to kick yourself in the ass. Instead of trying to ‘turn back the hands of time,’ use your hands to push forward, looking up instead of looking down. Instead of trying to reach back to recapture what was, reach up to capture what is, in preparation for what can be and will be in your life. The sky is the limit!

 

Wherever you are in your life, you don’t have to look back in order for you to experience the fond memories of your past. You only have to touch your heart and breathe. Fond memories are always in the warmth of your heart, in every breath you take, and they will never die. Just keep looking forward while feeling and experiencing the joy of your present, without worrying about the pains of your past. All you have to do is listen to your heartbeat. Where there is a heartbeat, there is life. Your past is no longer alive in your present. However, you are very much alive. There is no need to turn back the hands of time; you are moving forward!

 

No matter what has happened in your life or what has happened to you throughout your life, because of the journey of your past, you should see yourself in the words of gospel singer Hezekiah Walker, as being stronger, wiser, and better It’s time for you to say, in the words of Frank Sinatra, “I did it my way!”

 

©2021; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Ingredients for Happy & Healthy Relationships

Relationships come and relationships go. However, if you want your relationships to not only come, but you also want them to stay and not go away, you must recognize the importance of engaging in happy, positive, and healthy relationship activities from the onset. It is important to remember that the way you start your relationships will not only determine the direction they take, but, also their destiny.

 

On many occasions you have sought to find that one man or woman who could ‘make you happy.’ In reality, no one can ‘make you happy!!’  Happiness is an internal state. If you are not already equipped with internal happiness (which we are all afforded), you will not find happiness or discover happiness in or with anyone or anything outside of yourself. If you want happiness in your relationships, bring it with you when you enter into your relationships; don’t go looking for it…you will probably be disappointed!

 

Those engaged in happy relationships will also have healthy relationships. They will have no secrets about what makes their relationships happy and healthy; it will be evident at all times and in everything that they do. You CANhave happy and healthy relationships and the ingredients won’t be a secret! If the keys to having these types of relationships are a secret, it means that you are probably not engaged in a relationship that is happy or healthy. As a matter of fact, you are probably engaged in a situation and not a relationship!! 

 

Your happy and healthy relationships allow you to readily identify the ‘ingredients’ necessary for such relationships to exist and not see them as ‘secrets.’ Why would you want to keep the ingredients to your wonderful relationship a secret? Happiness and healthiness in your relationships breed confidence and boldness. 

 

Remember, a happy and healthy relationship doesn’t mean that it is a perfect relationship. As long as God is blessing, the devil will also come messing! There will be trials and tribulations, but happiness and healthiness will help you and your partner to withstand the attacks.

 

 

Ingredients for Happy & Healthy Relationships That Are Not Secrets

 

1.   Bring your own internal happiness to the relationship. No one can make you happy! 

2.   Define what happiness is for you. You and your partner should have a conversation about your individual contributions and expectations for maintaining happiness and healthiness in your relationship. 

3.   You and your partner must at least be in the same book and the same chapter with each other, even if the two of you are not on the same page.  

4.   You and your partner must have a relationship agenda, including short and long-term relationship goals.

5.   It’s important to listen and attend to each other; body language is essential! You both cannot speak at the same time; someone has to listen while the other speaks.

6.   There must be mutual respect and positive regard for each other.

7.   The only names you and your partner should use for each other are the name given at birth or pet names approved by and for each other.

8.   Physical, mental, psychological, spiritual, and/or economic abuse and/or misuse are NEVER acceptable!!

9.   You must have a sense of humor, living and laughing   some…EVERYDAY!  

10.Get to know each other better.  

11.Take time each and EVERY DAYto touch each other with a kiss and/or a hug. 

12.Stop trying to change each other! Your partner and your relationship   should be an asset, not a liability!

13.Find various ways to be intimate with your partner, other than sex. 

14.Don’t be selfish; share your time, talents, and other positive characteristics with your partner.  

15.Remember that the same thing it took to get your partner, will take the same thing to keep him/her.

16.Chivalry is not dead; she still likes and needs to have her chair pulled out and doors opened.  

17.Don’t be afraid to do something special for each other. He still likes to be surprised with his favorite meal. 

18.Have a standing date night that nothing or no one will/can hinder.

19.Be willing to share in social and other interests with your partner. 

20.Have a day just for yourself. Take time to rejuvenate alone, so that you will have more quality time with each other.

21.COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, and COMMUNICATE! Effective, positive, and healthy communication is essential! Your relationship is a collaboration; not a competition! You can never communicate too much

22.Compliment each other on a daily basis.

23.Engage in periodic relationship checkups. 

24.Practice forgiving and forgetting; learn to let go!

25.Pray individually and as a couple.

 

Each relationship you engage in should be filled with happiness, healthiness, and wholeness!  GO FOR THE GUSTO!!! 

 

 

©2021; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

The Power of a Mother’s Love

Happy Mother’s Day from Dr. Joyce!

We are once again embarking upon one of the most important days of the year—Mother’s Day! I would like to take this opportunity to give my heartfelt condolences to all of those who are facing their first Mother’s Day without their mother or without their children, due to the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic. I also extend the same heartfelt condolences to the multitude of mothers who experienced the loss of their children due to the unwarranted shootings of Black, Brown, and Indigenous men, women, and children at the hands of police officers and others. Remember, there is no sorrow on earth that heaven cannot heal…God still loves you!

 

In all actuality, Mother’s Day should be celebrated everyday, three hundred and sixty five days of the year. Although your father played an important role in ensuring your existence, it was your mother who made room for you and carried you on the inside of her body for many months. She bore the pains of labor and childbirth, sacrificing herself and sometimes sacrificing her own life, in order for you to see the light of day. And if your mother was/is a Black, Brown, or Indigenous woman, her sacrifices were even greater, based on the medical, economic, political, and racial disparities that exist within America. 

 

 Black, Brown, and Indigenous women are two to three times more likely to die from pregnancy related causes than White women. I am also keenly aware that either to your dismay or to your benefit, you were reared in a single parent household with your mother. However great the disparities, the challenges, and the struggles your mother faced, she was determined to do what was in the best interest of your present and future, whether you remained with her or whether you resided with another loving woman accepting the role of mother in your life. Although you might have been reared by your grandmother, your aunt, your sister, your great grandmother, or another loving and kind woman who had no familial ties; you still had a mother. No matter what the situation, no matter what the circumstances, you are here today because of the woman who chose to give you life by giving you birth, while also loving you unconditionally.

 

 Whether your biological mother is still on this side of life or she has transitioned to another realm, you are blessed. And for those of you who are fortunate enough to have a surrogate, adopted, or spiritual mother, you are still blessed. Many of you are keenly aware that because of circumstances and situations either known or unknown to you, your life did not or has not included your biological mother. One mother gave you life and the other mother sustained, continued, and ensured the health of your life. No matter what the situation or the circumstance, you are still here and you are still blessed.

 

The job of motherhood can sometimes be a thankless job. As a matter of fact, motherhood is the one position that although assumed twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, it comes with no pay. There is no pay for the multitude of job duties assumed by mothers. Even without pay, mothers are often tried, tested, scrutinized, evaluated, and criticized for how they deal with motherhood, when fathers are given passes. 

 

There are many of you who are now mothers yourself and you are also very hard on yourself. You seem determined to be a “good” mother or the “perfect” mother. Good is relative, and there is no mother who bears the label of being a perfect person. As a matter of fact, there is no book, no recipe, no set of guidelines, or any other document that can dictate motherhood. However, there is one of the greatest characteristics that mothers have and that they display with their children, no matter what they do, no matter how they look, and no matter where they reside. That characteristic is unconditional love.

 

Even if your mother never said the three powerful words to you, ‘I love you,’ there was always something in her touch, in her look, in her words, in her support, in her smile, in her sage advice, and even in her discipline, that allowed you to see, to feel, and to behold the power of her love. When everyone else turned their backs on you, held grudges against you, refused to forgive you, and counted you out, the love of your mother kept you hopeful and kept you holding on. When your academic grades were not acceptable, when you were sick at night, when your heart was broken, when your bank account was empty, when the doctors gave up on you, when the judge handed down a hefty prison sentence against you, when it seemed as if you had no one to turn to and no where to go, it was the power of your mother’s love that kept you holding on. She prayed for you day and night, in season and out of season. When others saw your problems, your mother saw your promise, your possibilities, and your potential.

 

There aren’t too many things in life that don’t come with a price tag. However, your mother gave you her unconditional love without charge. How many times have you reciprocated this love to your mother? Is she not deserving of your love and your respect? As Shirley Caesar once sang in one of her famous songs titled, “No Charge,” your mother carried you for nine months (or less) and provided for you with no fee and at no charge. The cost for her love has been free of charge. What greater love is there than the love of a mother for her children, without charge?

 

And then there are those of you who have stopped speaking to your mother because of something you believed she did to you or didn’t do for you. Do you know the true, unobstructed, unedited story of your mother’s life? Do you know the gory details of the struggles of her life? Do you understand her sacrifices, her life battles, and her pains? Have you heard the stories behind your mother’s anger, as well as the story behind her tears, seen and unseen? Like you, your mother is a human being with thoughts and feelings. If your mother is still in this life, I challenge you to ask her about her story and take the time to listen to her story of life as you begin to understand her life’s journey. I challenge you to take the time to get to know your mother for who she is, and not necessarily for who you thought she was or who you thought she should be. And if your mother is no longer in this realm of life, if interested, I challenge you to rid yourself of the brokenness of your life by finally making yourself whole. Forgive yourself and forgive your mother. Connect with those family members, people, situations, and circumstances that can help you to find answers to your unanswered questions about your mother and her life’s journey. Through the power of your mother’s love, you can finally journey with her in life or spirit, uncovering the fears and truths that lie buried in hidden places of the recesses of her mind and her heart, too often used to not only protect herself, but to also protect you.

 

No matter what the case, and no matter what the cause, the power of your mother’s love can never be matched and never be replaced. From the cradle to the grave and in between, your mother’s love is immeasurable. If your mother is still with you on this Mother’s Day, whether biological, surrogate, adopted, or other, embrace her, embrace her love for you, pay her homage, and treat her as the goddess God placed in your live. It’s time for you to let go of your own pain, your anger, and your angst toward your mother. Recognize the ‘Power of Your Mother’s Love,’ today! Tomorrow’s not promised to you or your mother! Happy Mother’s Day!!

 

“Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. (Proverbs 31:25-28 KJV)

 

©2021; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Struggling to Reach the Top in Difficult Times

 In reality, most of us are trying to achieve the American dream of reaching the proverbial ‘top.’  For many of us, reaching the ‘top’ is indicative of having all of the material things that seem to indicate success.  These material things are the diamonds, the name-brand clothes, the expensive shoes, the million dollar homes, the expensive cars, and all of the other material items that seem to connotate wealth.  The problem is, the journey to reach the top often clouds the minds, the hearts, and the directions of persons attempting to fit with the ‘big boys and the big girls’ that portray a sense of having all of the material riches in life.  It is getting the bling or bling-blinging that serves as an aspiration for some, an inspiration for some, and as an obsession for many more.  What often starts as a journey to reach the American dream or to reach the top becomes a nightmare, instead of a dream with goals and plans. And in difficult times, the nightmare exists constantly, with those trying to reach the ‘top,’ robbing Peter to pay Paul, while also perpetrating a fraud.

 

Too often, the price one has to pay on the journey to reaching what is considered the heights of life and the success of life is greater than the end result.  There most certainly is a dear price that often comes with the journey one undertakes when trying to obtain expensive material things and/or positions for which they do not qualify.   There are many sacrifices that one has to make in order to have the so-called finer things in life.  The financial strain, the debt, the emotional strain, the physical stress, the loss of true friendships, gaining those not so true friends who tend to serve as leeches, the compromise or loss of being oneself, broken hearts, broken spirits, and sometimes the loss of life accompany the climb to the ‘top.’ And these efforts many times make the quest for material success a miserable road to travel. 

 

You must bear in mind that any time you get something you must give something. Either you will have to relinquish something or have to give something you don't have. On the other hand, you might also have to relinquish many of your personal attributes that have been dear to you, which can often mean you compromising your integrity, your beliefs, your values, your faith, your morals, your peace, your sanity, and many times sacrificing your life.

 

There are many questions related to your determination to reach the ‘top’ and gain material things, often by any means necessary. What is it all really for? Do material things indicate a level of happiness?  And is your gain of material wealth a true sign of having arrived?  With these questions come more questions that we can’t address in this blog.  Often, the road to having the bling is a road one takes in an attempt to achieve economic and social status, usually to keep up with the Joneses (whoever they are). Trying to keep up with others when you don’t know how they attained or obtained what they have, or what you think they have can cause you misery, desperation, and disappointment.  What often looks like gold on the outside is not necessarily gold on the inside. And what looks like green grass can in all actuality be artificial turf! There is nothing wrong with rising to the ‘top,’ it’s how you do what you do when you do it! 

 

Has any one ever died and taken any of the material things attained in life to the grave with them at the time of their death?   Of course not!  The road to obtaining bling-bling usually encompasses individuals not living with the end in mind.  Once attained or obtained at a higher price, the bling is usually left for someone else to claim, having lost its value for the original holder.  Often, the recipient is someone who never worked for or sacrificed anything in order to have the material things that have been received, often by default, through the death of a loved one and sometimes the death of persons not loved so well.  

 

Do material things indicate a level of happiness?  Most certainly not!  Happiness is an internal state and if you depend on the external material things to make you happy, you will probably experience more unhappiness.  If happiness is indicative of the material possessions that you obtain in life, then your unhappiness will also be dictated by the loss of the same material possessions. If you are struggling to be where you are, you will struggle to get to the ‘top,’ and struggle even more to maintain your position at the ‘top.’ 

 

There is nothing wrong with having silver, gold, or diamonds.  What is truly wrong is having all of the external material possessions and wealth, with silver and gold around your neck, on your fingers, along with fine cars and exquisite houses, while you are living daily with internal sadness in your heart, while maintaining a lie.  You are much happier with a heart of gold that signifies happiness and peace rather than trying to have all of the money and material possessions in the world.  Happiness and peace cannot be bought and there is no price tag for a smile, a wonderful relationship, a loving heart, or a great friend.  The price you have to pay for these treasures is much less and the results last much longer if cherished, appreciated, and nurtured. However, the price to gain and maintain material wealth is much greater, especially if you are struggling to get there. 

 

The climb never seems to end and often the fall is greater than the climb.  The more we seem to have, the more we seem to want. However, when we have the love of God, family and friends, there is nothing greater and the road of life is one that involves more happiness than sadness. It is having these blessings that you are truly at the top, even if you are struggling, you are not struggling alone during difficult times. Also consider during this time of the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic the question, what good are your attempts to gain wealth, when you do not have great health?! You won’t be around to enjoy what you gain materially, if your mind, your body, and your spirit are unhealthy. Focus on your health and the wealth will come. Getting to the ‘top’ or being on the proverbial ‘top’ won’t matter if you are on the bottom educationally, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and politically. Further, if you are not willing to stand for what’s right, what’s fair, and what’s just, your drive to reach the ‘top’ might as well be the bottom!!!  

 

 

©2021; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Happy Valentine’s Day: What’s Age Got to Do With Love?

Cougars, cougars everywhere! Tina Turner, a Cougar herself, once asked, “What’s love got to do with it?”  These days the question is not so much about love, as it is about age. A lot of people are asking. ‘What’s age got to do with love?’  Like Tina Turner and her husband, many couples are involved in what are called ‘age-gap relationships’.  And they don’t care about what people say about their relationship or what others think or feel about them having a partner who is five or more years younger than they are. When cupid shoots his arrow, where it will stop, no one knows. All that matters is that love has been found, no matter what age.

 

Age is nothing but a number!  The younger you feel, the younger you think and act.  If you are young at heart, why in the world would you want to deal with someone who doesn’t share your youthfulness?  Who wants to be with someone who can’t keep up with them? Intimacy remains at any age, as long as it’s over the age of consent. And intimacy doesn’t and shouldn’t start with the bed; it should start with the head. N matter what age, sensible, mindful, mature, and coherent conversations should start any relationship. Age does make a major difference in maturity and mindfulness. There is only one time around. You might as well have fun as long as you can, especially when dating.  And who says two people who are years apart in age can’t fall in love?     

 

I believe too many people allow age to determine friendships, love, fun and intimacy.  As long as you can keep up with your partner in love, fun and all forms of intimacy (social, intellectual, sexual, and spiritual), there is nothing wrong with going for it.  If you are older than your partner, don’t try to be the parent.  Hopefully, your partner is looking for experience and not a parent.  Parent your children and not your partner. And if you are younger than your partner, your partner is not your parent. Looking for a parent? Stay home with your own parents and date someone your age. Your age-gap relationship should be an ageless love! 

 

It does takes two to tango!  Are you willing to hang out after hours with your younger partner and compromise on weekend activities, giving up going to bed with the chickens?  Old fuddy duddies are out! It’s about love, fun, fantasy, excitement, and all of the wonderful things that come with being in an ageless relationship.  Now, it doesn’t mean that as a man you have to sag your pants to hang with her and as a woman, it doesn’t mean that you have to wear a mini dress to hang with him!  It’s all about putting age aside, loving yourself, loving the life you live and loving the person you are with. It’s mind over matter; if you mind loving each other, age won’t matter!

 

And women, so what if they call you a ‘cougar’ for dating your younger guy!  If you are that bold, brash, stimulating, mature, sexual, and sensual, go for it!  As long as the two of you are in love with each other and not your ages, it’s okay.  

 

What about your friends and family?  They will talk about you today, but tomorrow, they will return to their own problems and your relationship won’t matter. To tell the truth, some of them wish they had your nerve! And if the relationship doesn’t work, it won’t be any different than other relationships that fail each and every day.  If it fits, go for it! What the heck!  You are both grown and hopefully on your own; free, single, and disengaged! Age IS nothing but a number, especially when it comes to love!

 

 

©2021; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Happy New Year: Review the Old Celebrate the New

“And the Lord answered me and said, Write the vision and make it plain upon the tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie; though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.  

 

The New Year is not the time for you to wallow in regrets of what ifs, cries of if I would’ve, could’ve, should’ve, or self-pity. It is time for you to claim and affirm that you are moving forward and not looking back. It is time for you to celebrate life, along with the continued opportunities for change and growth. The year 2020, as are all of the years preceding it are over! Yes, it is important for you to look back every now and then, to glance back, because there are some fond memories that will reside in your heart until the end of your existence. On the other hand, it is imperative that you don’t get caught up with ‘how bad’ your previous year was, instead of focusing on ‘how great’ your New Year can be and will be, with God’s help, grace, mercy, and direction.

 

As I took down my Christmas decorations, it was clear to me how quickly the holidays flew by. It seems as if it was just yesterday when my decorations were retrieved from storage and I engaged in the excitement of putting up the tree, putting on the lights, and putting up other decorations. I smiled with glee and excitement regarding the upcoming holiday season, although different from any Christmas I have ever celebrated in my life. The COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic came in like a thief in the night, putting extra meaning to the Grinch’s attempt to steal Christmas as it had stolen the emotions, minds, spirits, physical being, economic status, food, shelter, and other aspects of the lives of trillions of people in the world. 

 

I decided like many of you, I was not falling prey to my Christmas being stolen. During 2020, I was reminded that through my prayers and my belief in God, even with the loss of so many souls that were taken from this life during the year, along with all of the pain, sadness, and sorrow of so many, that as my mother used to say, “this too shall pass.” I am reminded that just as the holiday season came and went, so too will the challenges and the tests you had to face in 2020. They, too, will pass! As a matter of fact, many of them are already behind you!

 

Instead of focusing on making your yearly New Year’s resolutions, I challenge you to take some time to meditate, reflect, coordinate and develop a written plan of action that you will post in a conspicuous place, where you will be able to read it and touch it on a daily basis. You will make your vision plain and post it as a reminder of what you are working toward. Too often, you might believe that your vision, your mission, and your goals have to be long, drawn out, and confusing. Get to the point! Make them specific and ask for what you need and what you want, and say what needs to be said in as few words as possible. What’s for you is for you and no one can take away your blessings! Don’t wait for days and weeks into this New Year for you to write your mission statement, your vision statement, your goals with an action plan and action steps, as well as your contingency plan. Do it now!

 

 I am keenly aware that 2020 has been very difficult for so many of you, but it is time for you to take a bold stand without shame and without regrets to review the year from beginning to end, allowing yourself to recognize your mistakes and your errors. Don’t waste a lot of time on the losses and errors, by putting your foot in your butt, beating yourself up, engaging in regrets, self-blame, and depressive emotions. I give you permission to move beyond your falls, your falters, and your failures of 2020, by standing tall and speaking aloud your daily affirmations of I CAN, I WILL, I AM! In the midst of the negatives, there were also positives that stood out. Celebrate them and give thanks for them. Here is your opportunity to reform, reframe, refresh, and restart your projects, your relationships, your goals, your direction in life, as well as your life as a whole. 

 

You will not be able to celebrate 2021, as long as you are stuck in 2020. Let go of last year and give yourself permission to celebrate this year. During your review of 2020, don’t just focus on the negatives; also take stock of your accomplishments and the positives. You want to ensure that in 2021, you continue on the paths of success and accomplishments that you traveled in during 2020, without being stuck in the past year.

 

As you review 2020 and celebrate 2021, remember the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” Review, reflect, redo, and renew on the year 2020, in preparation for your celebration to commemorate what’s ahead for you during the entire year of 2021!

 

©2021; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com