I am sure that there are times when you might look back over your past life; many times with regret, sometimes with envy, sometimes with angst, sometimes with a sigh of relief, and many times with a ‘thank you God!’ Some of your past life memories are sad, some are happy, some are memories you wish you could erase, and others are memories you wish you could relive. There are times when you reminisce about your past, which might cause tears and there are times that might evoke smiles. Too often, it seems as if it is more difficult to leave your past behind when there has been hurt and pain. It seems to follow you wherever you are and wherever you go. And often due to a lack of self-forgiveness and a lack of forgiveness of and for others, your head and your heart seem fixated on what’s behind you, instead of what’s in front of you, and what’s ahead of you. Your heart is too small to carry people and your past within it.
I am sure that man or that woman you slept with years ago that ended in a one-night stand was a bad experience for you. That man or that woman you married years ago that ended in divorce might have been a difficult experience for you, and in many cases, detrimental to you and for you. However, he/she has probably gone on with his/her life, as you seem to be stuck in your past. As a matter of fact, as Anita Baker once sang, ‘He/She couldn’t do right because he/she was the wrong man/woman’ from the onset; and you knew it at the time. Not only is that person is in your past, but he/she is also taking up space in your head and your heart, living rent-free.
When you look at the reality of your present, you will come to realize that someone had to leave from your life, in order for the right someone to enter your life. You had to lose out on jobs and friends you thought were right for you, in order for you to embark upon a new life direction, allowing new and genuine friends to enter your life. Without closed doors, opened doors cannot manifest.
It’s time for you to realize that you cannot turn back the hands of time. The people you have regrets about are in your past; leave them there! If you haven’t found the right man/woman, it’s probably because you keep looking behind you, focused on your past, instead of living in the present and looking ahead. That right man/woman might just be right in front of you. However, because the realm of your present attention is blocked by the darkness of your past, you are also allowing blockers of the good fortune in your here and now.
As with any human being, you have and you will continue to make mistakes in your life. The problem isn’t that you fell, faltered, or failed; the problem is you wallowed in your falls, your falters, and your failures, and you have not gotten back up. And as a young person, you probably lived your life as if you were traveling haplessly and sometimes recklessly on an eight to ten lane superhighway, not living your life with the end in mind. You did negative things, as well as some great things in your past, and you probably experienced some successes. However, as you’ve matured in age, and hopefully matured in your heart, your mind, and your spirit, you have come to recognize that your superhighways of earlier days have become two-lane roads, forcing you to either do right or do wrong. As you have lost family members, loved ones, and others in your life, you have also come to recognize that there is an eventual end to all things in life. With your increased level of understanding, you have hopefully also come to recognize that it is time for you to let go of your past, live in your present, as you prepare for and anticipate the greatness of your future.
Your life is similar to driving a car. You drive to reach a destination. Because you are moving forward and not backward as you drive, the creators of the automobile decided that the only way for you to see where you’re going, in order to reach your destination, you must have any and all obstructions removed from your view. Therefore, the windshield of your car was created larger than the rearview mirror of your car. Your car’s rearview mirror is developed for you to take momentary glances into what you pass along your journey to reach your destination. If you continue to focus on and look into the rearview mirror, you will surely crash. Unfortunately, you might not survive!
As with driving a car, you must have a full, unobstructed view of where you are and where you are going in your life. Your past should only serve as momentum for you to move forward with your present and future aspirations, no matter what occurred as you journeyed through your past
I do understand that there are times when the nightmares of your past cause hurt, and the remnants of your past experiences seem to invade your present reality and your future dreams with pain and desperation. You desperately seek solace within your own misery and the failures of your past, not recognizing that until you close the doors of your painful past, you will not be able to enjoy the pleasantries of your present and prepare to accept the bright possibilities of your future. You must have the desire to leave your place of past pain, in order to recognize and reach your opportunities for gain, aborting your unconscious and sometimes conscious acts of self-sabotaging.
Cher once sang, “If I Could Turn Back Time.” The lyrics of her song mainly focused on her regrets of hurt and pain against others. In all actuality, not only do sticks and stone break your bones, words can and do hurt. However, turning back the hands of time cannot and will not erase past atrocities that occurred to you or the ones you caused against others. Turning back the hands of time isn’t an option! Life doesn’t operate on rewind, still play, pause, or fast forward; it plays out in real time. Therefore, you must come to accept the difficult reality that you will never be able to go back to where or when you hurt someone, or where or when you said the wrong thing, or did the wrong thing. And some of you erroneously believe that you can ‘pick up where you left off,’ in an effort to heal past wounds in the present.
To be able to pick up where you left off would mean that you paused life for a short period of time, once again starting at the point of pause, when you are ready. As previously stated, there are no pauses in life. Life plays out on a continuous and continual basis, whether you want to participate or whether you choose not to participate; there is no going back! And because there is no going back, you will be better served by making a decision today to move from a daily state of looking back, to a daily state of living in the present, while looking forward. In other words, moving past your state of being stuck to a state of being unstuck.
At some point you must decide to stop making decisions with your heart and start using your head to make decisions. Forgive yourself, forgive others, let go, and let God. You must move past the ‘if I would’ve, could’ve, should’ve’ syndrome.
No matter how painful or how joyous were the experiences of your past, you won’t forget your past. You will learn to put the experiences of your past in proper present perspective, to your benefit and not to your demise. Having you forget your past is not the intent of this blog. You are supposed to start learning the art of using your past as stepping-stones, instead of stumbling blocks. At this point, you must begin to isolate the ‘good,’ the ‘well,’ and the 'healthy' points of your life, instead of holding onto and hanging onto the ‘bad,’ ‘sick,’ and ‘unhealthy’ points of your life. As you move beyond the crippling aspects of your past, you’ll be able to sing the words included in Rev. Paul Jones’ famous song, “I Won’t Complain.” “I’ve had some good days, I’ve had some hills to climb. I’ve had some weary days…but when I look around, all of my good days outweigh my bad days; I won’t complain.”
In the end, when you look back over your life, you might want to take the time to pat yourself on the back for the survival of your past, instead of continuously trying to use your own foot to kick yourself in the ass. Instead of trying to ‘turn back the hands of time,’ use your hands to push forward, looking up instead of looking down. Instead of trying to reach back to recapture what was, reach up to capture what is, in preparation for what can be and will be in your life. The sky is the limit!
Wherever you are in your life, you don’t have to look back in order for you to experience the fond memories of your past. You only have to touch your heart and breathe. Fond memories are always in the warmth of your heart, in every breath you take, and they will never die. Just keep looking forward while feeling and experiencing the joy of your present, without worrying about the pains of your past. All you have to do is listen to your heartbeat. Where there is a heartbeat, there is life. Your past is no longer alive in your present. However, you are very much alive. There is no need to turn back the hands of time; you are moving forward!
No matter what has happened in your life or what has happened to you throughout your life, because of the journey of your past, you should see yourself in the words of gospel singer Hezekiah Walker, as being stronger, wiser, and better It’s time for you to say, in the words of Frank Sinatra, “I did it my way!”
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