Happy Mother’s Day from Dr. Joyce!
We are once again embarking upon one of the most important days of the year—Mother’s Day! I would like to take this opportunity to give my heartfelt condolences to all of those who are facing their first Mother’s Day without their mother or without their children, due to the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic. I also extend the same heartfelt condolences to the multitude of mothers who experienced the loss of their children due to the unwarranted shootings of Black, Brown, and Indigenous men, women, and children at the hands of police officers and others. Remember, there is no sorrow on earth that heaven cannot heal…God still loves you!
In all actuality, Mother’s Day should be celebrated everyday, three hundred and sixty five days of the year. Although your father played an important role in ensuring your existence, it was your mother who made room for you and carried you on the inside of her body for many months. She bore the pains of labor and childbirth, sacrificing herself and sometimes sacrificing her own life, in order for you to see the light of day. And if your mother was/is a Black, Brown, or Indigenous woman, her sacrifices were even greater, based on the medical, economic, political, and racial disparities that exist within America.
Black, Brown, and Indigenous women are two to three times more likely to die from pregnancy related causes than White women. I am also keenly aware that either to your dismay or to your benefit, you were reared in a single parent household with your mother. However great the disparities, the challenges, and the struggles your mother faced, she was determined to do what was in the best interest of your present and future, whether you remained with her or whether you resided with another loving woman accepting the role of mother in your life. Although you might have been reared by your grandmother, your aunt, your sister, your great grandmother, or another loving and kind woman who had no familial ties; you still had a mother. No matter what the situation, no matter what the circumstances, you are here today because of the woman who chose to give you life by giving you birth, while also loving you unconditionally.
Whether your biological mother is still on this side of life or she has transitioned to another realm, you are blessed. And for those of you who are fortunate enough to have a surrogate, adopted, or spiritual mother, you are still blessed. Many of you are keenly aware that because of circumstances and situations either known or unknown to you, your life did not or has not included your biological mother. One mother gave you life and the other mother sustained, continued, and ensured the health of your life. No matter what the situation or the circumstance, you are still here and you are still blessed.
The job of motherhood can sometimes be a thankless job. As a matter of fact, motherhood is the one position that although assumed twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, it comes with no pay. There is no pay for the multitude of job duties assumed by mothers. Even without pay, mothers are often tried, tested, scrutinized, evaluated, and criticized for how they deal with motherhood, when fathers are given passes.
There are many of you who are now mothers yourself and you are also very hard on yourself. You seem determined to be a “good” mother or the “perfect” mother. Good is relative, and there is no mother who bears the label of being a perfect person. As a matter of fact, there is no book, no recipe, no set of guidelines, or any other document that can dictate motherhood. However, there is one of the greatest characteristics that mothers have and that they display with their children, no matter what they do, no matter how they look, and no matter where they reside. That characteristic is unconditional love.
Even if your mother never said the three powerful words to you, ‘I love you,’ there was always something in her touch, in her look, in her words, in her support, in her smile, in her sage advice, and even in her discipline, that allowed you to see, to feel, and to behold the power of her love. When everyone else turned their backs on you, held grudges against you, refused to forgive you, and counted you out, the love of your mother kept you hopeful and kept you holding on. When your academic grades were not acceptable, when you were sick at night, when your heart was broken, when your bank account was empty, when the doctors gave up on you, when the judge handed down a hefty prison sentence against you, when it seemed as if you had no one to turn to and no where to go, it was the power of your mother’s love that kept you holding on. She prayed for you day and night, in season and out of season. When others saw your problems, your mother saw your promise, your possibilities, and your potential.
There aren’t too many things in life that don’t come with a price tag. However, your mother gave you her unconditional love without charge. How many times have you reciprocated this love to your mother? Is she not deserving of your love and your respect? As Shirley Caesar once sang in one of her famous songs titled, “No Charge,” your mother carried you for nine months (or less) and provided for you with no fee and at no charge. The cost for her love has been free of charge. What greater love is there than the love of a mother for her children, without charge?
And then there are those of you who have stopped speaking to your mother because of something you believed she did to you or didn’t do for you. Do you know the true, unobstructed, unedited story of your mother’s life? Do you know the gory details of the struggles of her life? Do you understand her sacrifices, her life battles, and her pains? Have you heard the stories behind your mother’s anger, as well as the story behind her tears, seen and unseen? Like you, your mother is a human being with thoughts and feelings. If your mother is still in this life, I challenge you to ask her about her story and take the time to listen to her story of life as you begin to understand her life’s journey. I challenge you to take the time to get to know your mother for who she is, and not necessarily for who you thought she was or who you thought she should be. And if your mother is no longer in this realm of life, if interested, I challenge you to rid yourself of the brokenness of your life by finally making yourself whole. Forgive yourself and forgive your mother. Connect with those family members, people, situations, and circumstances that can help you to find answers to your unanswered questions about your mother and her life’s journey. Through the power of your mother’s love, you can finally journey with her in life or spirit, uncovering the fears and truths that lie buried in hidden places of the recesses of her mind and her heart, too often used to not only protect herself, but to also protect you.
No matter what the case, and no matter what the cause, the power of your mother’s love can never be matched and never be replaced. From the cradle to the grave and in between, your mother’s love is immeasurable. If your mother is still with you on this Mother’s Day, whether biological, surrogate, adopted, or other, embrace her, embrace her love for you, pay her homage, and treat her as the goddess God placed in your live. It’s time for you to let go of your own pain, your anger, and your angst toward your mother. Recognize the ‘Power of Your Mother’s Love,’ today! Tomorrow’s not promised to you or your mother! Happy Mother’s Day!!
“Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. (Proverbs 31:25-28 KJV)
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