From the time of your birth, you are provided
with an identity, which separates you from anyone else. Your foot print in the
nursery at the hospital, as well as the distinct name you are given and placed
on your birth certificate says you are unique, you are different, and there is
no one else like you. As philosopher John Locke once wrote, you are “tabula
rasa,” a blank slate for the world to write its imprints. But if the world
writes its imprints, what happens to your unique, personal identity?
The greatest aspects about being unique and
different from others, is the fact that you are endowed with choice. You can
choose between good and evil, right and wrong, success and failure, as well as
the type of person you will become. However, how much freedom do you really
have to be your unique self when you are born of two parents, whether they are
together after you are born or not? And then, what about the neighbors, the
church, the community, the schools, the media, cell phones, computers, Ipads,
and many of the other external influences that impact who you are and whom you
will become? And like with many other things in life, there are rules and
regulations, norms, laws, and stipulations based on who you are, where you
live, how you look, your race, your sex, your religion, your education, and
your social standing in society, your political stance, as well as your
socioeconomic status.
From the time you were born, starting with
your parents, you were being shaped and molded into mini replicas of people
with whom you associated. Clearly, as you grew and matured, you found yourself
torn between being you and either trying to be like your friends or others you
admire or wanted to emulate. The struggle to be you can be very difficult, especially
if others place their values and beliefs on you. Although you have been provided with certain
inalienable rights afforded to you by the constitution of the United States of
America, you will find that based on the aforementioned characteristics, you often
lose the freedom you were born with, to be free to be you. There are external
expectations, as well as self-imposed expectations that you often place on
yourself in order for you to fit into a society that might not necessarily be
reflective of whom you truly are. But then you are constantly forced to wear
the proverbial shoes that don’t belong to you and don’t necessarily fit you or
your feet.
Wouldn’t it be great to live in a society
where everyone looks like you, follows the same rules as you, likes many of the
same things as you, respected and accepted you for being you, and so on and so
on? Stop the record…it’s not reality!
Although I was born in America and have lived
here all my life, I sometimes feel as if I am a stranger in a foreign land.
Even though there are many people who look like me, have the same beliefs and ideals
as me, there seem to be a constant battle to be me and to be free. Many rights
afforded me under the constitution are often challenged or there is a
calculated effort to take them away. Because of my color, my sex, and my
beliefs, the right to be free is often challenged because I choose to be me. To
speak up, speak the truth, take a stand, fight for who and what’s right, and
not take on the identity of others or become clones of them negatively impacts
my right to choose, grow and just be me. But I choose to be me; I choose to be
free!
And then, I had the audacity, as an African-American
female to wear my hair short! Fox television wanted me to wear a wig for a
pilot television show, for which I had been selected. When they were
questioned, I was told, ‘you would look softer.’ “Are you saying I look hard?” That wasn’t for me; I couldn’t be me and I
most certainly would no longer be free. All of the education I was told would
benefit me, my expertise as a psychotherapist and an educator, my overall
beauty, intelligence, difference in perceptions, thoughts, ideals, and
abilities didn’t matter; I was expected to fit a mold and relinquish me. But, I
don’t want to look like anyone else, and you shouldn’t either!
When you become someone else, you no longer
exist! To compromise your beliefs, your values, your looks, and any other
defining characteristics that make you who you are, is like selling your soul
to the devil. Once you sell your self and compromise who you are, you will have
to keep selling yourself and you no longer own yourself. Ask the many
actresses, actors, those in other fields of entertainment, and other positions,
who have compromised their beliefs, their values, and their very being in order
to have a role, a job, a position, or perceived power. It is difficult for you
to sleep with yourself, look at yourself in the mirror, and above all, it is
virtually impossible for you to be yourself, when you have sold yourself to
someone else. You are no longer you and you are most certainly no longer free!
I recently visited China. Although everyone
looked alike, and they spoke the same language for the most part, it was hard
to discern their separate identities. They don’t have to grapple with the
differences among people that exist within the United States. They seem to live
in a harmonious state; their streets were very clean, there were no guns, they
seemed less stressed, everyone seemed to get along, and they seemed to not live
in fear. However, I wondered about the freedom of individuals in China to be
themselves. As a matter of fact, do they truly know who they are? But, then
again, they don’t have to worry about or deal with all of the isms you and I
face in America on a daily basis, causing too many of you to live in fear as
you are faced with the isms that often hinders you from being able to be you,
such as racism, sexism, classism, ageism, etc.
Sadly to say, in 2017, the freedom to be you
and the freedom to be free is often hindered and hampered because of your
differences, including, who you are, how you look, how you view life, how you speak,
your race, your color, your nationality, your sexuality, your religion, your socioeconomic
status, your abilities, your aptitudes, your thoughts, and your beliefs. However,
you have the right to stand up, speak up, and speak out! You also have the
right to stand for and declare your constitutional rights to be recognized and
respected. And if you choose to take a stand or stance against your
mistreatment and maltreatment, based on he aforementioned characteristics, by
taking to one knee, you can. Taking a knee, basically says, I am me, and I
choose to be free! Don’t let the rhetoric from the white house or any other
house misconstrue your intentions or what you stand for. The flag and our
soldiers are important, but without your freedom, you don't matter. Just tell
them to remember who wrote the national anthem, as well as the words contained
in the national anthem and the pledge to the flag. They don’t fit all of us and
we have the right to bring attention to them. If the words mattered, you and I
would matter, and we would not have the continuous loss of lives and freedom by
individuals who are born different, or choose to be different.
The games are finally over. Either you stand
for something, or you will keep falling for anything. Never fall for anything
or anyone, who denounces and denies you being you and you being free! It is
time for you to take a stand and take a stance to longer pimp or prostitute
being you. You will no longer compromise who you are, because of your race,
your sex, your social status, your sexual orientation, your religious beliefs,
your socioeconomic status, your nationality, how you look, where you live,
where you work, what you do or don’t have, as well as the kind of car you
drive! You must take a stand today and loudly proclaim, I AM SOMEBODY, BECAUSE
GOD DOESN’T MAKE ANY JUNK! You must further exclaim, I am not for sale; my
mind, my heart, and my spirit are all mine and I choose to be me, all because I
am truly free!
Please see my “Declaration of Self-Esteem”
below. Post it where you can see it, touch it, and repeat it each and every
day.
©2017; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur,
GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com
DECLARATION
OF SELF-ESTEEM
I am me, the best in the
world! There is only one me; no other like me. I can’t be what everyone wants me to be, because I am unique. I may not be able to do
what everyone else does, but I have unique things that I do in a special way
that no one else can do like me; for I am me…unique, different, I am me.
From my head to my toes,
I am who I am. I am me! If I become you, I am lost; I no
longer exist. Therefore, I must remain in my shadow and act the way that I am.
Whatever I may become; whatever my shortcomings and limitations may be, they’re
all a part of making me be me. MY FEELINGS, MY ATTITUDES, MY
BELIEFS, ARE ALL REAL BECAUSE THEY ARE MINE! THEY BELONG TO ME!
A……………………. ACCEPT
YOURSELF
L……………………. LOVE
YOURSELF
T……………………. TRUST
YOURSELF
A……………………. AFFIRM
YOURSELF
R……………………. RESPECT
YOURSELF
B……………………. BE
YOURSELF
©1984--2017; Joyce Morley, EdD; Morley&
Associates, Inc.; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745, Decatur, GA
30031; joyce@doctorjoyce.com; www.doctorjoyce.com; (770) 808-6570
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