If you start your relationships
with secrets, secrets then become lies. Secrets are basically glorified tombs
of emotional, physical, and spiritual forms of imprisonment. The lies you
engage in or allow your mate to engage you in, serve to keep you and your mate
both in a prisoned state within your relationship. Once you tell one lie, you
must then tell another lie to cover the lie you initially told, in order for
you to hide the secret you believed needed to be hidden; which was actually a
truth you needed to face. Relationships full of secrets and lies cannot thrive,
nor will they survive!
For every secret, there is an
attached lie. Eventually, one of you will lose and one of you will win. However, in all actuality, when secrets and lies
are involved, both of you will eventually lose...one way or another. If you start your relationships with honesty
and openness, you will not only start out on the right foot, your relationships
will continue in the right direction and on the right path…a path of thriving
and surviving
It is important for you to
recognize why you believe you must keep secrets and why the truth you are
hiding has to be a secret. Who and what are you hiding from? What are you
running away from? Relationships come and relationships go. However, if you
want your relationships to not only come, but to also remain, you must
recognize the importance of engaging in happy, positive, and healthy
relationships from the onset. Happy, positive, and healthy relationships
involve truth and honesty, from start to finish.
It is important to remember that
the way you start your relationships will determine the direction as well as
the destiny of your relationships. Happy, positive, and healthy relationships
must start with you being honest and open with yourself, before you can expect
to have happy, positive, and healthy relationships with others.
A ‘real’ relationship with ‘real’
love doesn’t have secrets and lies as it’s base; cheating is an exception and
not an option; dishonesty is not the mantra of your relationship; secrets are
only kept as surprises and expressions of love; sneaking around entails you wearing
sneakers on your feet and not sneaking around on your mate; and hiding
information is not acceptable. As a matter of fact, if these characteristics
exist, you are not in a ‘real’ relationship, but a perpetrated situation!
Relationships that do not include
secrets and lies are those that entail honest and open communication. These are
the happy, positive, and healthy relationships. On the other hand, situations involve
wallet and purse rifling, cell phone inspections, clothes and underwear
sniffing, secrets and lies, as well as other wild and crazy behaviors. And if
you aren’t yet in a relationship, be sure to avoid those situations that
involve secrets and lies. You deserve better!
You must decide if you want to be
in a situation or a relationship. A situation is a short-term convenience,
whereas, a relationship is a long-term commitment. Situations are usually
perpetrated forms of opportunity and many times involve secrets and lies.
Either you choose a situation that encompasses no love at all, which is
basically love without a heart, or you can choose a relationship that is filled
with ‘real’ love…love that starts as Philia love, becoming Eros love. But
before you can have Philia or Eros love with someone else, you must have Agape
love, which is Godly love.
How Can You Have Real Love that Does Not Include Secrets and Lies?
1.
Love you first. It is imperative that you have a relationship
with yourself before you will be able to have a successful relationship with
someone else. If you have difficulty
loving and accepting you, you will have difficulty loving and accepting someone
else. You will also have difficulty
allowing someone else to love and accept you.
2.
Be yourself. If you have to change who you are in order to
be in a relationship, something is wrong.
The way you start a relationship is the way it will end. There is nothing wrong with compromising, but
you should not have to give up being you.
3.
Be specific about what
you are looking for and expecting in a relationship. Your needs and wants are imperative to a
successful relationship. If you are not
sure as to what you are looking for in and individual, including your expectations,
you will probably settle for anything and anyone.
4.
Get to know the person
before entering into a relationship. You
need to know as much as you can about the person before entering into a
relationship, including background information, sexual orientation, cultural
values, family of origin issues, credit score, educational background, etc.
5.
Ensure that you and the
person are reaching for the same goals and have the same vision. Most relationships are not successful
because the two parties are not on the same page and they are not going in the
right direction. You must have more than
a couple of things in common, especially if you expect the relationship to last
for a period of time.
6.
Be honest with yourself
about your past, your present, and your future. Take inventory of your
life; where you have been, where you are, and where you are going. This process entails you forgiving yourself and letting go
of your painful past, allowing you to no longer feel guilt.
7.
Engage in a personal
oath to not hold secrets or engage in lies with yourself. If you stop holding
imprisoning secrets that contain pain and stop lying to yourself about the
secrets, it will be easy for you to not engage in relationships that cause you
to hold secrets believe that you have to lie about them
8.
Free yourself to accept
no one and nothing but the best. You have taken a realistic look at yourself,
forgiven yourself, and you no longer have to engage in secrets and lies with
yourself. Therefore, you will engage in relationships with persons who are
compatible to and with you. You see yourself as the best…you will only seek and
accept the best!
© 2015;
J.Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745, Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com
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