It was July 19, 1910, in Spokane,
Washington, when Sonora Smart Dodd decided that her father, a single parent,
should be honored on a special day, as mothers were honored on Mother’s Day. At
the Spokane YMCA celebration for her father, came Father’s Day. However, it was
not officially designated as a holiday until1972.
Father’s Day has always been a day
designated to celebrate the contributions that fathers, father figures, and
mentors have made or are making in the lives of children. When we think of fathers,
we often think of a sturdy foundation, a provider, a man of strength, a
supportive individual, someone who cares immensely about his children, someone
who provides unconditional love, guidance, protection, correction, shelter,
etc.
Although men have been expected to
fulfill many roles within our society, one of the greatest, most important, and
most challenging role is the role of father. However, many of the men who
become fathers in our society have no role models to teach them about fatherhood.
In the African-American community, this issue is even more prevalent. Over
seventy-percent of African-American households are headed by single mothers;
many have no contact with the fathers of their children. And still, many
African-American men have multiple children by multiple women, rendering them
incapable of being able to fulfill their fatherly obligations to their
children.
Often, when children seem to lack
identity, it is because they have no father or father figure serving as a model
and role model. They will many times seek their identity from and in others and
other external factors, situations and events. On too many occasions, this
quest to find identity rests in negative external influences, resulting in
negative outcomes.
In 2014, a constant and chronic alarm is
being echoed from children to their fathers, especially from boys and young men.
This alarm is a desperate cry for them to be rescued from the spiritual
warfare, which plagues our children, our families, and our societies as a
whole. Because of economic deprivation, political powerlessness, racial
segregation and isolation, as well as inferior education, this spiritual
warfare is even greater in the African-American community.
Martin Luther King Jr. once said, ‘when a
fire is raging, the emergency vehicles race at great speed, ignoring all
traffic laws…’ Today, our children are engaged in raging fires all across the
United States. It is time for our men and our fathers to move at great speed,
ignoring any boundaries, as well as any traffic signals, and reach their
children by any means necessary. It is time for you to recognize that fatherhood
is more than the fertilization of an egg; it is the care, the love, the spiritual
and moral guidance, quality time, and the protection children need after the
birth process.
Fathers, your very being is an insurance
policy of fatherhood for the children in your life. However, if there is no
value in the policy of fatherhood you issued, your children will not be able to
cash in the policy and receive a return. This return is not a monetary return,
but one of assurance that you have their back.
Too many
of our children are in a quandary as to how they should or can deal with life’s
daily state of confusion. With the increase
of homicides, robberies, and other aberrant and violent behaviors, as well as
the increased use of guns being put forth by too many of our male children, it
is not only time for you, as a father, to ignore all traffic signals and run
through the red lights of life with great speed, but to also take the face
value of your fatherhood insurance policy and rescue your children, your friends’
children, your neighbors’ children…and rescue America’s children. Recognize
fathers, either you stand for something or you will fall for anything!
In
order for you, as a father, to hear the cries and calls of your child(ren), and
answer them, below are some of the critical areas needing your attention.
FATHERS, YOUR CHILDREN NEED YOU; YOUR FAMILUES NEED YOU; AMERICA NEEDS
YOU!!! PLEASE HEAR THE CRIES AND CALLS
OF YOUR CHILDREN…AND ANSWER THEM!!!!
Children Need Guidance From Their Fathers to
Rally Against:
1.
Violence-Fathers
you must help your children to rally against violence in their homes and in their
communities. Teach your children effective ways of communicating, problem
management, and anger management. Teach your children that hands are made for
holding and touching, not for hitting and hurting; guns are never an answer to
solving problems
2.
Hatred
(Self & Others)-Fathers you must teach your children to recognize
that self-hatred and hatred for others is never an option. Teach them how to use
love for self and love for others in order to increase self-esteem, self-worth,
self-respect, self-acceptance, as well as respect and acceptance of others.
3. Gangs of Negativity-Fathers
rally with your children to establish the first and only gang that they should
be involved in…the family gang. Fathers spend quality time with your children
and provide emotional support and love for your children, so that they will not
have to look on the outside to fix the inside.
4.
Misrepresentation
of the truth-Fathers you must teach the importance and power of truth
to your children. Teach them that no matter how great or how grave a situation,
a lie is never acceptable, but accountability is expected.
5.
Sexual
Perversion, Exploitation, & Temptation-Fathers you must model for
your children (especially your sons) respect for girls and women, which starts
with their mother. Sexual misconduct and inappropriate touching of others is
unacceptable. Fathers you must teach your children that they must fight against
sexual temptations until they are emotionally, spiritually, and physically
mature to handle such. Sexual misconduct and sexual exploitation of women are
never options. Help your sons to see the importance of them thinking with their
heads, feeling with their hearts, and not with their penises. Model this for
them!
6.
Laziness
& a Sense of Entitlement—Fathers you must model for your children
(especially your sons) the importance of having a work ethic. Work is important
and essential, and education is a requirement, not an option. Stop allowing
your children to not have life plans; don’t allow them to not have life goals
and live off of you and/or their mother. Instead of buying everything your
children want, buy them what they need and teach them how to earn the things
they want. Also, teach quality and not
quantity; plan pockets is just as great as name brand ones…and less expensive!
Children Need their Fathers to Serve as a
Mentor & Guide to Provide:
1.
Positive
Role Model—Practice what you teach your children. Model respect,
morality, ethical behaviors, love, honesty, responsibility, and accountability
for your children.
2.
A
Strong Presence—Even if you live outside the home, you can still have a
strong presence in the life of your child. If you can’t be there in person,
show your children how much you love them by calling them on the phone, sending
emails, Skyping, texting, sending greeting cards, etc. Whatever it takes, find
a way to spend time with your child(ren). Forgive yourself for what you have
not done in the lives of your children and make the connection!
3.
Discipline-Fathers,
children need discipline and direction. They must recognize that there are
always consequences for behaviors. They also need to learn about rewards and
punishments. Always ensure that there is a conversation about their actions,
including the impact on them, as well as on others. Ensure the punishment fits
the offense.
4.
Models
(Boundaries)-Fathers children need boundaries and guidance from you. No
should mean no, and yes should mean yes. You must also model the importance of
having clear and consistent boundaries in life.
5.
Unconditional
Love-Fathers it is imperative that you model and provide unconditional
love for your children. No matter how disappointing you might be with their
behaviors, let love guide the way for you to handle the situation.
6.
A
Listening Ear-Your children need someone to just listen sometimes; not
be their friends, and to not have all the answers. Allow them to learn from
their mistakes. As you listen, allow them to talk and give them permission to
freely express themselves within reason and with respect.
7.
Spiritual
Direction & Guidance-Your children should see that worship services
and daily spiritual rituals are the norm, rather than the exception in your
household…and they don’t have a choice in the matter. Teach them that there is a power greater than
them and that they have to fear that power and believe that they are spiritual
beings with internal power to overcome anything in life.
8. Respect for self, others, &
ESPECIALLY FEMALES-As a father, the greatest love you can show your
children is the love and respect you have for their mother; no matter how you
feel about your relationship with her, even if you all are no longer together.
When you respect women, your male children will respect women.
9.
Positive
& Practical Coping Mechanisms-Teach your children how to use
effective communication, reasoning, analytical thinking, and patience. Also,
teach your children that if there was a way into a situation, there is always a
way out of a situation. Teach them effective decision-making skills and allow
them to see that they always have a choice in any situation.
10. Quality time—Fathers it’s not
the amount of time that you spend with your children; it’s the quality of the
time that you spend with them. Remember, they are only children for a short
time in life. Before you know it, your children will be adults. Cherish your
children while you have them!
Don’t be afraid to let your children see that you are human,
with emotions. And if it is difficult for you to handle this task, seek
professional or spiritual guidance in doing so. Don’t be afraid to take your
children to therapy with you. As a matter of fact, lead your family and all of
you can benefit from family therapy with a professional.
I challenge ALL fathers to reclaim your place as a father and
to reclaim your place and your role in the lives of your child(ren). Do it
today!! Yes, You Can!!!
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