Just as seasons are
defined by the weather, your relationships can also be defined by the
seasons. Not only do your relationships
fit into one or more of the four seasons, there is also a fifth season.
Seasons come and go. And
in some of your lives, relationships seem to come and go also. Here is where
you must begin to clearly define if you are in a relationship or a situation.
Remember, a relationship is for the long haul and a situation is one of
convenience…for the time being A true relationship exists because of an
intentional choice; whereas, a situation usually exists because it is an
option.
Hopefully, after reading
this blog, you will take an intentional look at your relationship and make an
intentional decision as to whether it exists as a season of convenience for the
time being; or does it exist because of a lifetime of choice. You can’t choose
which season you are in or desire to be in; but you can choose the relationship
you are in, as well as how it plays out season after season.
When it comes to your
relationships, you are the creator of the role you will lay in them, how you
play them, and whether they are assets or liabilities. As a matter of fact, you
can determine your role in the relationship, but you cannot determine the role
of your partner within the relationship. And if your roles don’t match, trouble
will dictate the relationship, rendering it a situation.
Because you did not
create, nor can you control the seasons when they arrive, you learn to live
with each of the four seasons…winter, spring, summer, and fall. However, you do
have a choice as to the season of your relationships. You must decide if your
relationship is in one of the four seasons--winter, spring, summer or fall. And
as I previously mentioned, just like the seasons are dictated by the weather,
there is also a fifth season in which your relationship can be defined. It is
the season of ‘unpredictability.’
You are probably asking,
‘how do I decide which season my relationship is in?’ In order to help you to
make this important determination, here are the characteristics of each of the
seasons. Although these characteristics are indicative of the weather presented
during the seasons, they are also indicative of your relationship during the
seasons.
WINTER
Cold,
distant, dead, no romance, no response, sex without love-making, lacking in
romance, dormant, bare, without substance, depressing, need a fire burning at
all times, helpless, sometimes hopeless, messy, no relationship at all,
convenience
As indicated above, the season of winter
for your relationship does not seem as promising. All relationships require
hard and continuous work. However, when your relationship is in the winter season,
you will have to work four to five times as hard to gain the relationship,
maintain the relationship, or retain the relationship. You will need to
continuously place logs on your relationship fire or it will fizzle out…if
there is any fire at all. The cost of keeping your relationship heated during
the winter season can be astronomical!
Winter relationships are many times seen as
‘warming’ situations of convenience. They provide a place from the cold and a
warm body to provide heat for the persons engaged in the situation. They are
usually based on convenience.
SPRING
Blossoming,
breathing new life, energized, a budding romance, awakening, light, bright,
moving forward, colorful, cool at times, hopeful, attaching, fire on the
inside; none needed on the outside, predictable, planned, hopeful, aliveness,
promising, love making
When your relationship is in the spring
season, you have energy and hope. There
is a burning on the inside, which permeates to the outside. There is no
dormancy; there is life! You want the world to see what you have in your
relationship. You uncover your relationship for others to behold and you and
your partner are the envy every man and every woman. There is hope and plans
for the future. Your relationship is in full blossom and there is a desire to
allow your relationship to show its full beauty.
SUMMER
Hot,
steamy, free, sunny, brighter, laid back, lazy at times, active, open, fun,
exciting, attached, bouncing, planned, family, targeted, liveliness, vivacious
Your summer season relationship can be hot
and steamy. You shed the covers of winter and come out in full force. There is
an explicit connectivity with your partner. You relationship is fast and
furious. You and your partner are not only connected to each other, you are
connected to family and friends; they help fuel the fire between the two of
you.
However, too often, the summer season relationship
is temporary and one of convenience for the time being. Once the season ends,
the relationship or situation ends; there is often distance between you and
your partner. However, there are times when the summer season is over and the
geographical distance between you and your family resumes, there is the start
of a long-distance relationship. This can either be a strain or a gain for the
two of you.
FALL
Changing,
at a lull, earthy, peaceful, slow, full of earth tones, colorful, chilly at
times, holidays, calmness, questioning
The relationship indicated by the fall
season is generally indicative of constant change. There is pressure to take
the relationship to the next level by you or your partner. There are major
holiday celebrations, as well as preparation for the winter, in order to be
with someone, without being sure that this someone is the right one. With the
Christmas season there are often expectations for commitments. During the fall
season, many relationships end in order to avoid commitment, gift-giving, and
family sharing.
However, if you and your partner have
survived winter, spring, and summer seasons, the fall season can be the time
when you begin to make preparations to continue to move forward commitments.
The family gatherings and holidays open windows for you to begin to see and
feel what it is like to share your life with someone else. This is a time when many engagements take
place and family ties are sealed.
SEASONS OF UNPREDICTABILITY
You don’t know which
season you are in; your relationship changes like the weather; you are in two
or more seasons on any given day; rarely are you and your partner in the same
season at the same time; you vacillate between seasons for convenience or due
to lack of control; you don’t even know if you are in a relationship or a
situation; non-intentional; no plans, no direction; there is no present, nor is
there a future; you stay in the situation out of desperation of fear of being
alone
The season of unpredictability for your
relationship can be a very tumultuous and turbulent time. As a matter of fact,
the season of unpredictability is often a situation and not a relationship. There
is usually abuse, pretentiousness, and clearly a lack of commitment. Also,
there is probably fear of commitment and attempts to bring about isolation from
family and friends. This season is fraught with lies, deception, fears, infidelities,
desperation, insecurities, lack of direction, abuse, and control.
The season of unpredictability is also a
season of fraudulent behaviors, pretense, and low self-esteem. Out of all of
the seasons, this is the season to enter with extreme caution. As a matter of
fact, it is a season of relationships you probably would do best not entering
at all!
Now that you have been provided characteristics
of the seasons of relationships, you can now decide which of the four (and
sometimes five) seasons your relationship fits. As a result, you will be able
to decide if your relationship is stuck in one or more seasons of dormancy,
fear, control, or anger, faced with liabilities, which do not allow you to move
forward. On the other hand, you will be able to decide if your relationship is
in a season or seasons of growth, promise, hope, connectedness, allowing your
relationship to be filled with assets, instead of liabilities.
It’s okay to experience characteristics of
two seasons at the same time during your relationship, but the characteristics
and/or seasons should not bear liabilities. They should be characteristics that
provide assets and growth. Assets bread more assets; liabilities drain you of
assets!!!
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