A New Year, A New Decade…The Same Old You

Happy New Year and Happy 2020! I am sure you and I are asking the same question…can you believe it; it’s 2020? Not only are we so fortunate to have crossed over into a new year, we have also entered another decade. And yes, time surely does fly! Because you have come to recognize how fast time flies, it’s imperative as you begin 2020, for you to also to begin to look at the love, the lessons, and your life experiences, positive and negative, that were gathered in 2019. It’s important to not only look at them, but for you to decide the applicability of them for your forward movement in 2020.

You have heard me state on many occasions that I don’t believe that people change. However, I do believe that people grow, as a result of gaining awareness, insight, and understanding. They then can change their mindset, their attitude, and their behaviors.  With each year that you are blessed to live through, you should be able to assess and take stock of your newfound awareness about yourself, your relationships with others, and life in general. You should also be able to assess and share the insights that you have gained about yourself, your relationships, and your life in general. And finally, at the end of each year that you survive and at the beginning of each New Year that you are blessed to enter, you should have gained a measure of understanding about yourself, your relationships with others, along with a greater understanding about life in general. Again, what do you plan to do with the awareness, insight, and understanding that you have gained in 2019? How will you apply all of this powerful information that you have gained, not only to the benefit of self, but also, in order for you to benefit others? You see, one of the greatest things you should learn each and every year is that life is not all about YOU!

Often times, there seems to be no real understanding about life. I had two surrogate godmothers, Queen Mother Corine and Mother Jones, who have both transitioned while in their eighties. Based on conversations with them, you learn a lot in life, but you never gain full understanding of life. However, it is important that you learn and grow, in order for you to not keep making the same mistakes year after year. According to Queen Mother Corine and Mother Jones, you will keep falling, faltering, and failing, with little or no reprieve, until you gain the awareness, insight, and understanding necessary for you to move to your next life realm each year. If not, you’ll continue to experience a new year, a new decade, with the same old you!

However, any level of understanding that you are able to gather is imperative to your continued levels of life growth. It’s one thing to be able to talk about the awareness, insight, and understanding that you receive from one year to the next. The question is, what are your plans to implement what you learned from the past into the present, in preparation for the future? Because God has blessed you to enter into a new year, you should have a new attitude, a new perspective on life, new goals, new life directions, new relationships, and a new determination!   

Your journey for a new you doesn’t mean that you get rid of you, it’s all about you taking a panoramic view of yourself in 2020. It’s you engaging yourself in a weeding process. Who and what are the people, situations, circumstances, perspectives, locations, and relationships that strangled your growth in the past year and the past decade? It’s time for you to weed them out! Weeds do not aid in your growth, they negatively overtake your growth, sometimes to the point where you don’t exist any more. Get rid of these people, situations, circumstances, perspectives, locations, relationships, and other infiltrators! If they were not assets in 2019, they sure as hell will not be assets in 2020! Stop fooling yourself and wasting your time and your life; you are worth much more than you give yourself credit!

You can make all of the New Year’s resolutions you would like, but as long as you have the same old negative people, the same old negative situations, and the same old negative circumstances and conditions in your life, you will get the same old negative results in 2020, that you experienced in 2019. But, even though your life might not have been as ‘perfect’ as you would like in 2019 or during the past decade, I am sure that you were blessed in many ways. Instead of wallowing in what wasn’t and what didn’t in 2019, take hold of what was positive and expand upon the positive people, positive situations, and the positive circumstances you experienced in 2019, and take them into 2020.

You are much farther along than you think! Just close the doors of negativity, allowing the doors of positivity to open in your life. You won’t flourish by having two doors open that are going in opposite directions. It’s a new year, a new decade! You are endowed with newness within and throughout your being. Hold your head up, look up, speak up, and stand up, affirming your success, affirming your life as a beacon of light for you and for others. In 2020, you are a force with which to be reckoned! 

If you are in need of a little nudging to help you move forward in this New Year and new decade, with a new you, here are some suggestions to help you along the way:

1. Sit with yourself, with pen and paper. Make a list of the negative people, situations, circumstances and experiences you encountered in 2019.

2.  Sit with yourself, with pen and paper. Make a list of the positive people, situations, circumstances and experiences you encountered in 2019.

3. Make a conscious decision to weed out the negative people, situations, circumstances and experiences you encountered in 2019. Put a timeframe on each, but it should not be months, a half year, three quarters of a year, or a full year. LET THEM GO!!!

4.   Take your positive list and make realistic plans on as to how you believe you can and will benefit from those positive people, situations, circumstances and experiences you encountered in 2019 into 2020.

5.  Take your positive list and make realistic plans on how you will transfer those positive people, situations, circumstances and experiences you encountered in 2019 into 2020. You will also set timeframes and action steps for you to be able to transfer these positive attributes into 2020.

6.  Write positive affirmations that you will post around your home and your office. They should start with, ‘I can,’ ‘I will,’ ‘I am.’

7.  Decide on an accountability partner whom you trust immensely to have your best interest at heart and decide that the two of you will talk either in person or by telephone at least twice a week to keep you on track. Texting is not allowed!!

8.  You will also need a spiritual connection to ensure that you not only take the new you into the New Year, but also into the new decade. Decide how you will engage spiritually on a daily basis, in order to keep yourself focused, grounded, encouraged, and determined to keep moving forward. You can use prayer, positive readings, relaxation techniques, yoga, chants, etc.

9.  Finally, if you are still struggling with letting go of 2019, engaging in the weeding out process, and taking a new you into 2020, get with a mental health professional.

You are well on your way and prepared for your success in 2020. How you end each old year is predicated on how you start each New Year! This is your time to start 2020 anew. You will not be absolved from trials, tribulations, and tragedies, but you will be strong enough to face them. After all, you have a new attitude, new perspectives, new behaviors, and an overall new outlook on life for the New Year 2020! Get ready, get ready!

©2020; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Seeing the Glass as Half Full Dictates That I CAN, I WILL, I AM

The holiday season often brings about an array of emotions in between the highs and the lows. However, much of what you experience and what you deal with or don’t deal with emotionally has more to do with how you perceive situations, as well as how you act or react to them. Often, what we see is what we believe, resulting in what we get. 

If you see the glass as half-empty, it will take much more to fill the glass to a level of full. However, when you see the glass as half-full, you will realize that it takes less to fill the glass to its fullest level. The problem is, too many of you see the glass as half-empty, causing much anguish, despair, and anxiety; all because you see less in the glass, and you believe that you will have to work two to three times as hard to fill the glass.

Your life is like a glass. How you look at your life, whether with lack or with fullness, your view of your life will determine how you will handle your life’s situations and circumstances. Sometimes you make dire decisions based on the cloud of circumstances and situations that seem to loom over your life, believing that life is much more difficult than it seems, based on what you see, instead of the reality of what God has ordered as your destiny. However, if you continue to view your negative circumstances as conditions, you have decided that you are stuck in the manure and can’t get out. When you begin to view your negative circumstances as situations, you have already initiated an, ‘I can’ attitude, putting forth a plethora of ‘I will’ efforts, declaring an, ‘I am’ reality of achievement.

In order for you to change your view and your vision of your life’s glass, you must begin to possess a sense of optimism, allowing you to gain or maintain a sense of hope. The hope you possess simply means that you have a positive outlook, you have faith, you believe in a higher power, you have positive expectations, you possesses an inner sense of assuredness, you are encouraged, you are confident, and there is no doubt as to where you are going in life or how you will get there…the glass is half-full!  

When you see your life’s glass as half-full, you possess an optimistic attitude, you believe in a higher power, you are spiritually connected, you are not shaken by what seems to be, but you anticipate what can be, and you believe beyond a shadow of doubt that the outcome of any and all of your negative situations will be positive. As a matter of fact, you will think, feel, and speak with an authority of favorable outcomes. You have an “I can” attitude, as you exhibit behaviors and actions that can and will lead to favorable outcomes. You awake every morning with a song in your heart, you see a light at the end of every tunnel in the midst of all of the darkness, and you believe in what can be rather than what things seem to be. You also begin see and believe in what will be!

In my opinion, it is extremely important for you to be optimistic each and every day of the year, especially during today’s tumultuous times. It allows you to hold on, to keep moving forward, to keep the faith, to laugh instead of crying, to keep looking up, to not give up, to manage yourself as well as your life circumstances, and to believe that the sunshine does come after the rain. All of this is what happens when you see your glass of life as half-full.  

When you view your life’s glass as half-empty, you will not be prepared for, and you will also miss out on the blessings that are waiting for your arrival.  Being optimistic allows for positive expectations, where as pessimism causes you to hold your head down with little or no expectations. Optimism dictates that you hold your head up, in preparation to behold and receive expected positive outcomes.   

Holding onto and seeing the half-empty glass of pessimism becomes the controller of your attitude on a daily basis, with you running the risk of exhibiting negative behaviors, experiencing anxiety, feelings of hopelessness, depression, fear, stress, insomnia, paranoia, addictive behaviors, loss of control, withdrawal from life, thoughts and feelings of giving up on life, suicide, homicide, and seeing no way out of your current negative situation.  

And you wonder why your social life is in the pits! Your vision of your life is in the pits with your half-full pessimistic view of your ability to engage with PPPG’s-Positive People Going Places, © causing you to seek relationships with somebody, winding up with anybody, who turns out to be nobody. Seeing your life’s glass as half-full positively affects your social health. Your interpersonal relations are strengthened, communication skills are strengthened, and intimate relationships are more readily found, developed, and sustained. 

You will never be able to enjoy yourself as an individual, as long as you behold your life’s glass with a pessimistic half-empty vision. As a matter of fact, with your half-full optimistic life’s glass, your mental health is more stable, allowing for an increased healthy love for self, high self-esteem along with increased self-confidence and self-acceptance. Your increased confidence fosters the belief that “I can, I will, and I am!” And with those daily affirmations, your worry about outcomes of your life situations and life circumstances will dissipate, providing you with more of a quest and thirst for inner peace and emotional stability.

Seeing your life’s glass as optimistically half-full allows your spiritual health to become more solidified and stable.  Your belief in a higher power that is greater than you and your negative situations and circumstances allows for increased faith, less doubt, less worry and less fear. Your life will more certainly not only seem to be filled more with sunshine than rain it will actually be filled with more sunshine than rain.

If you have difficulty moving out of and beyond your negative, pessimistic, half-empty glass syndrome, it is imperative that you engage in psychotherapy with a licensed mental health professional who practices from a positive perspective and uses tried, true, and tested activities to increase your self-esteem. Because there is truly no life understanding and no life answers, you must practice seeing your life’s glass as half-full, with positivity and optimism on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis. 

Remember, life will deal you many hands.  However, it is not so much the hands that you are dealt as it is how you view and feel about the hands that are dealt to you, as well as how you play them.  If you see your life hands that are dealt to you as having possibilities or opportunities (half-full optimism), you will play to win. However, if you see your life hands dealt to you as not having possibilities or lacking opportunities (half-empty pessimism), you won’t play at all.  Why play a losing hand?

The half-empty glass dictates, I CAN’T, I WON’T, and I’M NOT! As a result, you don’t! You must see life as a glass half-full, rather than a glass half-empty.  It will take less to fill your half-full glass, fostering encouragement, hope, and expectations.  The half-full glass dictates I CAN, I WILL, and I AM! Starting today…YOU ARE and YOU HAVE accomplish all you set out to accomplish!

Here are a few tips to help you to practice the half-full glass life style, daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly:

1.    Engage in daily prayer.

2.    Practice daily oral positive self-talk.

3.    Engage in daily meditation for 20-30 minutes.

4.    Engage in daily journaling, documenting your feelings and thoughts at the end of the day, recognizing the half-empty pessimistic patterns, as opposed to the optimistic half-full patterns.

5.    Practice letting go of negative thoughts & negative beliefs on a daily basis (negate the negative).

6.    Develop realistic, attainable, and measurable weekly and monthly goals with objectives, timelines, and contingency plans.

7.    Take life in small chunks, instead of big hunks.

8.    Learn to appreciate life and live it one day at time, letting the sunshine in and appreciating the rain whenever it enters into her life, but not allowing it to determine her life.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanza, and Happy Holidays!!!

©2019; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

How to Deal with Your Relationship When One of You is More Successful than the Other

As one of the partners in a relationship filled with disparities based on the success of one partner or the lack thereof of the other, it is imperative that at some point, issues related to the identified disparities are dealt with, preferably by both, but most certainly by you. In order for you to have a healthy and positive relationship, feelings and thoughts regarding the disparities surrounding the fact that one of you is more successful than the other must be addressed. In all actuality, the issues of disparity surrounding success in your relationship should have been dealt with prior to your commitment to solidify your relationship with each other. But since it wasn’t dealt with prior to your commitment, it is now the right time for you to do so.

How you deal with the disparities that exist within your relationship, as a result of one-sided success will probably differ based on your maleness or femaleness. The definition of ‘success’ must be factored in when considering the real or imagined disparities you and your mate are currently facing and have been facing for quite sometime. However, the reality is that although one of you in your relationship had already attained a greater level of success than the other, prior to your involvement with each other, you all ignored the red flags that often come with the disparities, hoping and sometimes believing that they would go away. 

As a male, it is promoted, expected, respected, and accepted that you should be more successful than your female partner. However, on the other hand, when your female partner is more successful in the relationship, your male ego sometimes seems to get in the way. Sadly, society still espouses a lack of respect, a lack of acceptance, and a lack of expectations for relationships with successful females to positively exist. 

One of the major problems that usually ends a relationship sooner, rather than later, is the fact that many couples ignore the larger picture containing red flags and focus on the feel good aspects of the relationship, such as sex, outward appearances, and lust. They ignore the fact of the unequal level of accomplishments in the relationship. If the disparities in levels of success are not already prevalent when you enter a relationship, as one of you excels beyond the other, the disparities will eventually rise out of the ashes. Hence, it is important to be proactive. 

When one partner in the relationship is more successful than the other, it is imperative that the two of you sit together and talk honestly and openly with each other about your feelings, thoughts, insecurities, and concerns. It is also important for the two of you to discuss the current and anticipated impacts that the disparities of unequal success are having or might have within the relationship. This conversation will also be a great time for the two of you to clarify your expectations of each other, as well as your expectations of the relationship, and set written goals, especially when one of you is more successful than the other. It is best to have these conversations before you become too involved in the relationship. It is always easier to prevent issues than it is to intervene later, once they have raised their ugly heads.

Positive, healthy, and respectful conversations with each other can relieve a lot of stress and anxiety, as well as possibly save your relationship. And if you cannot discuss and deal with these feelings together, civilly as a couple, it is time to for you and your mate to visit a marriage and family therapist to help you to sort through the divisive feelings and thoughts that exist as a result of one of you being more successful than the other. Destruction of the relationship and destruction of each other are the only outcomes of harboring feelings of insecurity, resentment, anger, and sometimes jealousy.

Discussing the disparities that exist within your relationship of one being more successful than the other is only one of the major steps necessary to allow you and your mate to live happily ever after. And just in case your love grows stale in the relationship and the fire stops burning, and as you anticipate future disparities that might arise in your relationship, it is important to engage in a verbal and written agreement to not allow your differences in accomplishments to interfere with your relationship, as well as the consequences of such. A WRITTENand legally ratified prenuptial agreement is always a great way to bring some stability to your relationship when one of you is more successful than the other. It helps to take a lot of worry out of the way, so that you can focus on loving each other. 

Too often, the non-successful partner takes and takes from the successful partner, without any investment, until he/she takes all and runs to someone else. This doesn’t just happen with very successful people such as Mary J. Blige, Sherrie Shepard, Melba Moore, and Jill Scott; it also happens to successful women that the world has not discovered as of yet. It’s just realizing the fact that there are real opportunists and real vultures waiting to prey on unsuspecting people, especially women looking for love.   

Even in relationships with disparities of levels of success, you must learn to focus on the positive aspects and commonalities that exist within your relationship, instead of focusing on the disparities in your levels of success. In other words, you must focus on what you have in common, rather than your differences. You must allow your commonalities to be connectors and not dividers, using the success of one in the couple to guide the success of the couple as a whole. You must learn to give each other compliments, as well as tell and show each other how proud you are of the accomplishments of each, not just based on levels of success, but on the fact that God has blessed the two of you to have and be with each other.  

Celebrating the accomplishments of each other removes the focus from the disparities associated with your different levels of success, and keeps you from competing with each other. You will come to not worry about or focus on what others might think, believe, or say about your respective roles as the man or woman in the relationship, as well as how your relationship should be, or how it looks, because one of you is more successful than the other. You will come to recognize that external success cannot and will never outlast internal success and eternal love. 

  

The two of you are partners, not competitors. As the successful partner in the relationship, you must learn to see your level of success as an inflator for both of you, instead of seeing it as a deflator for you. Your success should be seen as a compliment and an enhancement to you and your relationship, rather than a disgrace or disparity between you and your mate.  And if you are not considered the successful partner in your relationship, it’s time for you to find your own self-worth through having a life of your own, by identifying and focusing on what makes you “successful” in your own right, without separating yourself from your mate. You must engage with your mate without competing with him/her, and without trying to overshadow his/her level of success. Engage in public activities with him/her without shame or guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty or shameful about. Find your own shadow and walk in it! 

No matter what the level of success and who is considered the ‘successful’ one in your relationship, it’s a matter of loving and respecting each other, no matter how successful or unsuccessful you are…you are in it together! Walk in it, and act like it!   

©2019; J. Morley Productions, Inc; P.O. Box 1745, Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Putting Up with Domestic Violence in Your Relationships is Never An Option!

Incidents of domestic violence in America are at an all time high. More and more, violence and abuse against women are occurring at an alarming rate in the United States. According to the CDC, one out of three women are abused in domestic relationships and one out of ten men are abused. Whatever the figures, abuse is NEVER okay in any relationship!

 The air of disrespect for women has grown by mass proportion, perpetuated by so many men in the highest realms of government in this country. I am sure you have heard quite a bit about the admitted abuse by so many athletes and other men in powerful positions. Sadly and unfortunately, many people (including a preponderance of men) believe that the abuse lodged by these men against women was right, appropriate, and ‘the way men should treat women who don’t know when to keep their mouths shut,’ or women who ‘can’t be controlled.’ Ironically, the NFL seems to agree with these supporters of abuse of women by men, with the actions they have taken against these men.

The negative comments made about African-American women have been even more distasteful and downright disgusting. To add insult to injury, African-American men whose mothers and sisters are African-American, have made many of these disparaging comments, viewing African-American women has less worthy than any other group of women. 

There should be no situation that warrants any type of violence or abuse against another. If the relationship is not in your best interest or it becomes toxic, you must recognize that you have a choice and you have options. If you are being abused, you can choose to continue to drink from the abuse bottle with the skull and crossbones, or you can demand changes in how you are being treated. And if you are not being treated the way you believe you should be treated, like the human being, man or woman that you are…you have options, and one of the options is to end the situation. Being abused does not constitute a relationship; violence indicates a situation.

Women, the longer you stay in an abusive and violent situation, the weaker you become. Staying stuck in the mud of abuse does not make your relationship stronger. All you are doing is enabling your abuser and engaging in codependent behaviors with him. If he hit you once, he will hit you again. A shove, doesn’t make it any worse. Many women have lost their lives, believing their abusive and violent mates will change; they don’t!!! IT’S IN HIS DNA!!!

It’s time for you to stop blaming yourself for being abused and stop making excuses for his abusive behaviors. ‘I should have been quiet’; ‘I made him angry’; ‘it’s all my fault’; ‘he was drinking’; ‘the kids were making too much noise’; ‘I made him do it.’ You are in denial…Don’t Even kNowIt’s All ALie! You want him to man up? WHY DON’T YOU WOMAN UP and stop participating in the madness and cancel your membership in the club of insanity! And if you have to try to make a boy into a man, you have greater issues than he has! He won’t and he doesn’t love you any more because you are his punching bag, physically, verbally, mentally, spiritually, financially, etc. As a matter of fact, for a man to engage in abusive and violent behaviors against you is an indication that he doesn’t love you at all; if he ever did! 

As men and women, you must come to recognize that hands are made for holding, helping, and hugging, and they were never made for hitting or hurting! Further, if you expect dignity ad respect from your children, it is time for you to model these characteristics for them. Abuse and violence are learned behaviors, especially against women. You can then throw out the old adage, ‘do as I say and not as I do.’ You should be congruent in what you say and what you do…stop trying to control your mate and others with your abuse and violence. Don’t be afraid to speak out against such destructive behaviors! 

Abuse has been used as a form of control for too long, at home and in the workplace. When you come to realize that the only person you have control over is yourself, you will stop trying to control others. And not having things go your way in your relationship doesn’t give you permission or the right to abuse your mate in any way. Being a man of physical strength doesn’t make you stronger when you abuse women of lesser strength. As a matter of fact, as an abuser, you display your weaknesses. Here is your opportunity to STAND UP and MAN UP! Stop the violence and stop abusing your mate and other women! And if you are not an abuser, take a stand against abuse by calling your boys out when they engage in abusive behaviors. Let them see how big you truly are.

Doormats are made for walking on; not people. Light switches are made for flicking on and off…not people. Doorknobs are made for turning; not people; drums are made for beating on…NOT PEOPLE! Clearly, if you are an abuser or use violence to control your relationships, you have much deeper problems than you know or are willing to admit. And then, if you are constantly submitting yourself to abuse, as a man or woman, you also have deep problems within yourself. For both the abuser and the abused, self-esteem is a serious issue, but it is never an excuse for abuse, as a giver or receiver!

Men, it is time for you to take a stand against abuse of any kind, especially abuse against women. Just as there are men (and a few women) who condone abuse committed by athletes and other men of power, there were many men and women who condemn these behaviors. I commend you! To those men who have stood or stand against abuse and domestic violence against women, kudos to you! Always remember, your mother was/is a woman. When you show disrespect and hatred toward the woman you sleep with (or don’t sleep with), you are showing an extension of disrespect to and for the woman who carried you for nine months and made the decision to bring you into this world. Even if she did not rear you, she gave you life. Either way, whatever happened between you and your mother, it’s not your mate’s fault or her responsibility to take the blame for or to try to fix the situation. Get some professional help and get over it!

To the women who raise your hands against your mates, and hurt with your words, because you feel emotionally bankrupt and don’t believe you can harm with your hands (which is not an option), there is no right in your wrong actions and violence and abuse have never healed hurt or mended a broken heart. Self-love is the start and love toward others is the next step. When you come to love yourself, you will see that you don’t have to fight in order to be loved. Love attracts love! Hurt people hurt! 

Recognize that there are many forms of abuse. Here is your opportunity to become aware of them, gain insight about them, understand them, and take a stand against them!

·     Domestic abuse/violence—Abuse and violence committed against your mate in order for you to control him/her. More often than not, domestic abuse/violence is committed by men against women and children. Domestic violence usually encompasses all of the abuses below, but focuses more on physical abuse. It occurs in cycles. He beats the hell of you and then he wants to have sex, after he has given a false apology, cries, begs for forgiveness, and makes you, as a woman believe everything is alright after the sex…until the next time, the next out break. During domestic abuse/violence, more women are killed by physical violence, including guns.   

·     Economic abuse--Stripping your mate of financial means for her to effectively care for herself and the children. Withholding credit cards, taking money from accounts to deny her access; forcing her and children out of the home, especially after a divorce; depriving your mate of the basic needs for daily survival, causing her to struggle to stay afloat and to get ahead in life through financial and material means and needs

·     Emotional abuse—Saying or doing things to and/or against your mate, which affect his/her mood; deflating him/her, causing low emotions, depressed moods, stress, and distraught. Usually coupled with other forms of abuse, physical, verbal, spiritual, etc.

·     Financial abuse—Withholding money in order to deflate and/or control your mate. Forcing your mate to give you money or forcibly taking money from your mate, rending her financially impaired or devastated.

·      Physical abuse—Violence and abuse on your mate’s body by beating, hitting, shoving, slapping, cutting, scratching, or any other form of physical harm. This harm can be done with your hand, fist, or other material instrument or weapon.

·     Psychological abuse—Affecting the mind of your mate through physical, emotional, spiritual, and other forms of abuse. Your mate begins to believe she is ‘going crazy,’ with erratic thinking, confusion, forgetfulness, distress, etc.

·     Social abuse—Using verbal, physical and/or spiritual forms of abuse to embarrass your mate in front of others, in public, or through social media; denigrating her in public; putting her down in front of others, especially at parties or other social engagements.

·     Spiritual abuse—Using the Bible and spiritual approaches to control your mate. Making him/her believe that he/she is headed for damnation; quoting scriptures to embarrass your mate, embarrassing in front of church members, having a Bible in your hands with horns on your hand and a tail sticking out of your behind. Making yourself seem self-righteous, while condemning your mate.  

·     Verbal abuse —Using your words to hurt your mate; entails name-calling, yelling & screaming, cursing, abusive language, denigrating, and embarrassing in front of others with words; using put downs, deflating your mate as you inflate yourself. Public humiliation with your words.

For your sake and the sake of your children, remember, abuse and violence kills! Women, if there was a way into the situation, there is always a way out…you must be ready to see it. You also must begin to love yourself, accept yourself, and above all respect yourself. And don’t be afraid to get psychotherapy to help yourself. When the situation is too rough and too toxic, don’t feel embarrassed about the abuse, reach out to family and friends to help you to get out of the situation. 

Never stay in an abusive and violent situation ‘for the children.’ This is an unhealthy situation. Your children are better off in a healthy home with one parent than they are in an unhealthy, abusive, and violent house with two parents; one abusive and violent and the other afraid. Men, you are more likely to kill your mate, your children, other family members, and yourself, in order to control and seek revenge or because you believe you lost control some where along the way. And guess what? You blame everyone except you for your problems, especially your mate and your children!  

Women, you are more likely to kill yourself and sometimes your children in order to escape the control, the abuse, and the violence. You see no way out and you have often lost hope. There is hope, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Run…and run as fast as you can to save YOU and your children.

WHEN PEOPLE SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM!! You can live with someone and still not truly know him/her. It is better to live with embarrassment than it is to not live at all!! There is help for you; GO GET IT!

Resources:

The Women’s Resource Center reads the names of women in Georgia who have died since 1990 due to domestic violence in October in the Decatur Square—over 100

Women’s Resource Center Crisis Line—404-688-9436

Men Stopping Violence—404-270-9894

National Domestic Violence Hotline—1-800-79-SAFE (1-800-797-7233—1-800-787-3224-TTY)

©2019; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com