Is He or She A Plus or Minus In Your Life?

As you seek intimate relationships with others, you do so with hopes of finding the right person, as well as the best person on earth to serve as your companion. You want to meet someone you will fall in love with, hopefully for forever and a day. You are anticipating engaging in a healthy and positive relationship for the long haul and not a situation for the short haul. You want to be revered and treated as if you are somebody who matters. You not only want to feel needed, you want to feel wanted. You want to be an asset to someone, but you should also want someone to be an asset to you. 

In 2018, it seems as if the quest to find the best and the right companion is quite a challenge. Too often, so many of you work tirelessly to find that one somebody, winding up many times with anybody, who turns out to be nobody. You scan your surroundings looking for the person you would like to consider your ‘soul mate.’ How can you find your ‘soul mate’ when you have not been able to understand the depths of your own soul, in order for you to ensure that whomever you connect with and bring into your life, will be an addition and not a subtraction? But do you know what you really want, what you really need, and what you actually deserve in a companion?

The truth is, you knew what you were getting into with your companion when you first met him/her. The handwriting was on the wall, but you pretended that you either didn't see it or you couldn’t read it. You were so desperate to be with somebody, that you were willing to settle for less. You spent an insurmountable amount of time attempting to fix up and clean up that man or make him over into the fantasy guy you have been seeking. You tried your best to take her out of the strip club, ignoring the fact that the two of you had nothing in common, closing your eyes to the fact that she will eventually strip you of everything she can, including you! 

One of the greatest fallacies you and others often have is the belief that people will change, ‘once they get with you.’ How many times do I have to remind you that people don’t change; they grow, but they can always go back to old negative behaviors they once had! And many times, those behaviors are only hidden by a cover up, in order for them to attract positive and growing people such as you, in order for them to inject their negative attributes.

What does this person have to offer you that is so much greater than the last person you were involved with? Is the sex any better? Probably not! And if you relied on sex to hook him/her, it might have worked because of his/her motives and not your great sexual abilities in bed. The reality is, it won’t work in you maintaining, and sustaining a positive, stable, honest, effective, and healthy relationship with him/her. As a matter of fact, you will probably become another notch in his belt or another hay roller in her bed. The red flags are all around you, but you choose to kick them over, as you sometimes need to kick yourself in your own ass for believing that you can take a minus and make it a plus. It is clear that he/she is not the one, but you consciously, but blindly decided to bite the bullet, eat the apple, and drink the Kool-Aid. The warning was right there in front of you, DON’T DRINK THE KOOL-AID—IT IS TOXIC! He/she is truly a minus and not a plus!

In the world of mathematics, zero has always been known as the additive identity. If you add zero to any number, you will always get that number. As long as you keep allowing people to enter your life without adding anything to your life, you will have the same thing you started with…you and what you brought to the situation. Eventually, the zero will begin to take away from you and diminish you, taking up space, decreasing your value, and the value of what you bring to the table.

You often wind up with a zero in your life because you probably don’t know what you want or should have in a relationship. You have no expectations of a companion, and you don’t believe you deserve to have someone in your life that will serve as a multiplier instead of subtracting from your life. Also, you don't have a clear, written, and comprehensive list of ingredients of what you want and need in a companion, who will add value to your life, instead of taking away from your life. 

You also don’t have a plan of action for reaching to the top of the barrel, the top of the tree, or outside of the barrel to have greater and more positive choices in a companion. You seem to spend so much time dipping and reaching to the bottom of the barrel, picking the fruit that have fallen from the tree onto the ground and exposed to elements and parasites, as you continue to hang with chickens instead of soaring with eagles. And you wonder why you have a minus instead of a plus in you bed, in your head, in your heart, and in your life; you put him/her there! 

You also tend to operate in ‘what has been,’ your losses, as well as doubt, instead of your gains and your hope. You have been so accustomed to having losers in your life that you are afraid to link with winners; so much so that you often sabotage positive, healthy, and good possibilities when they enter your life. Sadly, you allow the outside of the fruit to dictate to you the taste of the inside of the fruit, maintaining what is comfortable for you, rather than challenging yourself to stretch, in order to reach that which is best for you.  

As women, you often make the excuse that ‘the pickings are slim,’ especially when it comes to African-American women choosing African-American men as a companion. However, it’s not so much that there aren’t enough ‘good’ men to choose from, as it is you are looking in the wrong places, expecting the wrong things, if you have any expectations at all. Your willingness to accept the wrong things from the wrong kind of men is paramount. Anita Baker once sang, “He Can’t Do Right ‘Cause He’s the Wrong Man.”

When you set your sights high, you will look high, expect high, and only expect what’s at a higher level and what’s on track to moving you forward to even greater heights. You must have a plan with action steps in order to add to who you are, where you are, and where you are going in your life. However, if you keep accepting minuses in your life, the pluses will remain on the outside of your life.

Wake up! It’s time for you, whether male or female, to wake up, get up, stand up, look up, and step up to the plate!  It’s time for you women to have a Boaz instead of a broke ass, and for you men to have a Ruth instead of a Jezebel. And money doesn’t always determine the plus status of a companion; especially if he/she is abusive in any form whatsoever. An abusive companion with all of the riches of the world is clearly a minus, because he/she chips a little from you each and everyday, rendering you helpless and hopeless.

The hunter always wants to be successful at capturing his/her prey. At some point, you must decide to stop serving in the role of the prey and start being the hunter. It is time for you to set the stage, set the tone, and set the bar for the type of person you desire, deserve, and are determined to have in your life. Just because he/she wants you, it doesn’t mean that you have to reciprocate the want. The choice is yours; either you add to who you are, what you have, and where you are going in life, or you will wind up with someone who will take away from who you are, what you have, and allow yourself to be distracted and sidetracked from where you are going.

Yes, it’s always good to at least be able to make it to first base, but if you can make a homerun, why would you stop at first base? As long as you can clearly identify your needs and wants in a companion, it is easier for you to not accept any wooden nickels, not accept less, and not enter into situations with empty promises that are detractors from your path in life. You will be in charge, allowing only pluses into your life, as you identify and remove the minuses.

• Here are a few tips to help you recognize when you are embarking upon a minus entering your life, or when you have already allowed a minus to enter your life, instead of a plus:
•  The conversations from day one, no matter what the topic, it’s all about me, my, and I; you, we, and us are never considered. 
•  He/she is the number one priority and focus on the first date & continues to be the number one priority and focus; you feel left out and neglected.
• The two of you are not on the same page. As a matter of fact, you aren’t even in the same book.
• He/she has no goals and no real sense of direction. As a matter of fact, his/her goals do not include you.
• He/she has nothing to really offer you, financially, emotionally, intellectually, psychologically, or spiritually.
• His/her hygiene doesn’t fit with yours, from head to toe, including dental hygiene.
•  He/she possesses addictions that are hard to beat and sometimes challenging to recover from, such as gambling, cheating, lying, deceit, drugs/alcohol abuse, etc. 
•  He/she has untreated mental illnesses and won’t seek treatment.
•  Your family sees/saw the red flags—You turned against them & began to project the truth of what you know about him/her onto your family.
• There is disrespect, misuse, and abuse, including verbal, emotional, psychological, spiritual, and physical abuse from him/her.
• You are insistent on making a relationship out of a situation
•  You have to force him/her down the throats of your family & friends and hold your family hostage if they don’t accept him/her.
• You are receiving mixed messages
• There is stalking, manipulation, and threats from him/her.

You must decide if the person you call your companion or the one you are working to have as your companion, is someone you view as an opportunity for growth and development or do you see him/her as a replacement for a lost love or relationship. On the other hand, you can determine what you need as you embark upon or whether you currently have a plus in your life, when the opposite of the above minuses exist. You deserve the best, but you can only have the best and most healthy relationship when you stop accepting minuses.  

Take some time to draft a list of positive attributes you possess. Also draft a list of positive attributes you would like to have in a companion. Compare the lists; they should match with each other. And if you find that there is great discrepancy between who you are and the person identified as your companion, including the companion you are seeking, it is time for you to make some decisions. Use a competent and well-trained psychotherapist to help you to gain an understanding about who you are, where you are, what you desire in life, and where you are going in life. Be honest with yourself; is he/she a plus or a minus in your life?!  

©2018; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

What Defines You—Your Work or Your Deeds? (Dedicated in Memory of Aretha Franklin-“Queen of Soul”)

This blog is dedicated in memory of the greatest female singer of all times, Ms. Aretha Franklin, the “Queen of Soul.” Aretha set the stage and the standards for greatness, truth, fairness, and unselfishness in America and the world as a whole. She did so not only by the work she did as a singer, but also by the deeds/works she performed for others on and off stage. The words of Aretha’s songs impacted my life tremendously. Her songs not only penetrated my soul, they penetrated the souls of people worldwide. Her soulful manner was the stream that calmly hit to the core of my being, soothing me when I was sad, strengthening me as a Black woman, helping me to demand “Respect” from any and everyone, while assuring me of my values and my worth, no matter what others said or did. 

Aretha’s music and her deeds/works will remain with many throughout eternity. What a woman, what a woman! She is truly a legend, who was not willing to stand for just anything, but she was determined to stand for something, especially for what was right, and what was truthful. She stood for the Civil Rights Movement, as well as the hopeless, the helpless, the downhearted, the disenfranchised, and the disheartened. Her actions spoke for her as she used her deeds to help others. I love you Aretha forever and a day!

In the same vein of using great deeds as the defining characteristics of an individual, I would also like to pay homage to Senator John McCain, who has also gone on to be with the Lord. Although a Republican in his work, he defied being defined by his work and allowed his deeds to define him. He had a choice and made it; standing for what was right, instead of what was Republican. Rest in peace Senator John McCain, rest in peace! You made a tremendous impact on the lives of many, not just across the aisles, but also across lives of people worldwide who are different from you. We thank you because you have truly been identified by your deeds (works), instead of your work!  

Although Aretha and Senator McCain have transcended to another life realm, they still stand boldly and unashamed through and by the deeds they performed for ALL mankind. They were unwilling to just stand for anything, but through their deeds they stood for something, whether popular or unpopular! Although their work was public, their deeds were often not seen as they worked to help others, who might not look like them, who didn’t think like them, and those who didn't have what they had. Their work might have separated them from others, but their deeds united them with the world.

It seems as if we work all of our lives, sometimes working ourselves to death. And then, what’s next? We work to be accepted; to be loved, to be recognized, to be the first in so many things, to get with the greatest looking man/woman; to be the first to marry; to rise to the top, to get an education, to get the best and most powerful job position, to own the largest house, to have the greatest looking show car, to have the best looking body, to have the best looking and most expensive clothes and shoes, etc. It seems as if we work and then we work some more in order to be defined by the outcome of the work in which we engage. But in the end, who are you? Are you defined by your continuous and never ending work and the things you attain as a result of your work, or are you defined by the deeds you do for others? What about you as a person?

It's amazing how much time we spend working at our crafts in comparison to engaging in many other positive things with others throughout our deeds. I am sure that you like so many other people, cry each and everyday about work-life balance. What does that truly mean for you? If you were to look at the eight areas I include in my “Life’s Balance Wheel” (work, family, spirituality, physical, emotional, psychological, education, leisure), you would come to see that your life has been all about work, more so than any other area. 

Either you are working for someone else, which is often the case, or you might be lucky or blessed to currently or one day work for yourself. But what does any of it actually mean? In the scheme of things you work your ass of to one day succumb to death, which signifies that it’s all over. You take nothing with you, as a result of your hard work. As a matter of fact, you brought nothing here when you came into existence. What made you believe that you would take anything with you? Nothing belongs to you materially, no matter how hard you have worked. 

Who and what are you working for? What deeds/works have you done to enhance the lives of others? Have you ever really thought about it? On the other hand, the activities and actions you engage in throughout your life to help others will have more power and more promise, not just for you, but also for the people you love and others whose lives you have impacted.

If by chance you happen to be defined by your work, when you do not have a job or you no longer have the job, which you currently hold, you will not have a definition of you! If your job makes you who you are, who are you when you no longer have the job? The reality is, your job is an external state of engagement, many times not by choice, but because you were chosen to hold or to have the job you have by someone else, allowing you to do the work you do. When you are no longer the choice of those who chose you, your job and your work will become a thing of the past. You will no longer exist is that position and if the job defined you, you also will no longer exist as a person.

What about those who are not able to work outside of their homes for one reason or another, or those whose work is never seen because they don’t have jobs of record? Do they not have identities? Although they might not have defined work as you and I might ascribe a definition, I am sure that many of these people have some great deeds that they might be performing to and for the benefit of others. They are probably feeding the homeless, sharing the little finances they have with others to help them up, directing an unwed teen mother, redirecting a troubled young man, attending community events, while lending their voices of truth to help a cause of righteousness for others. You might consider them unfortunate because they have no documented form of work. However, they are very fortunate; they are making lasting and everlasting impacts on the lives of others through their works. As a result, they know who they are; they are defined by the deeds they perform, and not the paid work they do. What about you?

While your job and ensuing work are often a result of an inheritance from or an appointment by others, manifested through external controls, your deeds are manifested through internal drives and divine appointments. No one can unseat you or remove you from your deeds; they are the definition of your passion, your vested interest, and your investment in others. Your deeds supersede me, my, and I, transcending to a state of we and us, recognizing that none of us is as great as all of us. In the final analysis, it’s not all about the work you do, as it is what you do for others that will rise to the top! It’s your deeds/works that will count!

The positive actions that you perform to benefit others might not have an instant return that you can hold or see, but if they are honorable, you shouldn’t be looking for one or expecting one anyhow. On many occasions, you don’t even know the overall impact, benefit, or outcome of your deeds for others. However, when you work, you are not only looking for an instant return, but you are also expecting an outcome, some remuneration, and something that gives you credit for your work. Your deeds might never bring you notoriety, because you didn’t and you don’t do them to be noticed. Your deeds are of your heart, and not out of obligation!

It is not your job or the kind of work that you do that should be a part of your self-identification and self-definition, it’s how well and how much you are willing to reach outside of you to not look down on anyone unless you are helping him/her up through the deeds you provide.  It’s your willingness to stand for and with the truth, in the midst of lies, standing for and with the underdog when it is not popular to do so, as well as you meeting people where they are, respecting them for who they are, and treating them like they matter. It’s being the bigger person and admitting wrong, learning to say I am sorry, and lending a hand to those in need. It’s all about the good deeds you perform, not the work you do. Your work will end, but your good deeds/works will stand the test of time!

In the final analysis, the quote from a familiar song, “May the works I’ve done speak for me. When I’m resting in my grave, there’s nothing to be said; May the works I’ve done speak for me.” Notice, the words of the song don’t refer to the ‘work’ or the job you’ve done speaking for you, but instead, it refers to the ‘WORKS’ you’ve done as being the speaker for you. In other words, the good deeds you’ve done should be your identifier, not your work.  

Here is your opportunity to assess the works/deeds of your life. Are they inclusive of helping others unselfishly, or are they exclusive only to the benefit of you and yours? How are you defined? Is it by a smile or a frown, a kind word or words of anger and arrogance, an open hand of kindness or a closed fist of death, a heart of love or a heart of hate, actions of construction or actions of destruction? Are your deeds/works of you building others up instead of tearing them down? What will the dash between your birth and your death dates stand for? What good deeds will matter as a part of your identification now and when life ends for you? 

Clearly, the dash between Aretha Franklin’s, date of birth and date of death as well as Senator John McCain’s birthdate and death date signify more of the good deeds/works they provided for others, rather than the singing and politics of the work in which they engaged. It was the passion placed in their hearts that lead to the kind of works they provided for others, providing satisfaction, while believing that at some point and somehow, their deeds will benefit others. And they most certainly have benefitted others. Their deeds will last into eternity, because others will pass them on.

Whatever type of work you are chosen to do, always do it well. However, it doesn’t take you working 24/7, neglecting your family, friends, yourself, or the other aforementioned areas of my “Life’s Balance Wheel” in order for you to do your job well. You must recognize that you are dispensable! Try being ill for too long or missing too much time from work. Better yet, try dying and see what happens to your job. You will be replaced as soon as possible. The company might allow one or two people to attend your service, but your work will be over and there will be an end, with no identification of you related to your work. However, your deeds/works will not only last for a lifetime, they will still matter after your death. The benefits of your deeds will live in and through others, and you will still matter. 

In the words of Martin Luther King Jr.,   

 “If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as a Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

You have a grand opportunity to ensure that you are defined by your deeds (your works) and not by your work (your job). You will be remembered more by the former, rather than by the latter. What actions have you taken to help your fellow man/woman? And if you haven’t taken any actions to help others, when do you plan to start? Even though your work/job is done, your works/deeds will still stand forever! It’s time for you to start standing, not just for you but also for others; not just for the sake of standing, but for what is moral and what is right! I challenge you to stand and be identified by your deeds (works), instead of your work (job)!

©2018 J. Morley Productions, Inc; P.O. Box 1745, Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

In 2018 It’s the Survival of the Fittest

It seems as if our daily lives are fraught with one thing after another. As the old saying goes, ‘if ain’t one thing it’s another.’ On a daily basis we are faced with so many issues that require us to make sound and realistic decisions. However, there are times that we are faced with many issues, but very few choices.

In the midst of the various issues we are faced with in our lives, and the limited choices available to us, the problem is often compounded by the noise in our ears. These noises are often filled with filtered rhetoric from family, friends, coworkers, and other loved ones. The rhetoric is often about you, your life, your children, your family members, and your life direction. However, the noise is filtered because it is based on the perspective of the persons making the noise, rather than on your real life experiences and the issues you face. And if the filtered information from the ones you care about, love, and respect is considered noise, the information is an even greater and louder noise from those who control your economic, social, and cultural destinations. In other words, these are the people in power who usually don’t give a damn about you and yours; it’s all about them…’me, my, and I.’

When you think about the social disorder in the world, the disarray in our national government, the lawlessness and criminal acts taking place within the white house, along with threats of nuclear war, many of your fears are exacerbated. Your fears and concerns are heightened even further because of the dysfunction and turmoil among family members, the destruction of the American family system, the discord between law enforcement and racial, ethnic, and social groups, and the lack of trust in politicians. There is daily news regarding the threat of doing away with public education, children being separated from their parents at the borders with the fear of never achieving total reunification, the lack of safety inside and outside our homes, as well as the daily destruction resulting from natural disasters. Sadly, we are not in control of the majority of these occurrences or their outcomes.  Even though you are not in control of the occurrences and their outcomes, you can make yourself fit enough to fight in order to change the direction of the outcomes!

The filtered rhetoric or high-pitched noises from the powerbrokers in control of your financial, social, and cultural destinations are often more confusing, more life consuming, more threatening, and more fearful. They are the lawmakers, gatekeepers, storytellers, policymakers, newsmakers, and lawbreakers. These powerbrokers do not write and make laws that they cannot break; they only write laws that will limit you and me from having a right of passage into receiving the benefits of being a free American citizen.  However, you can combat the unjust laws by becoming fitter in order to strengthen your fight! 

Because their rhetoric is filtered, it has been modified to fit their needs and their wants, processed to fit the time at hand, and refined to confuse you and me. There are filters on their messages, coupled with falsehoods, instead of the facts that come with unfiltered information.  

The powerbrokers are gatekeepers protecting their amassed fortunes and abilities to help maintain the status quo of helping the rich to become richer, making the poor poorer and abolishing the middle class. They tell stories to confuse those who don’t know any better, who won’t or don’t know how to research, or how to find and hold onto the truth. Their stories are truly filtered untruths that are not prone to allowing you and me to see and hear the truth. They also bar us from having choices. Their story telling is an emotional and psychological diatribe designed to lure you into a false sense of reality, in order for them to remain in control. 

Unfortunately, the powerbrokers are policymakers and lawbreakers. They only make policy that will benefit them in the short and long term. And for every policy made by the powerbrokers, they include a loophole that will allow them to exclude themselves from the policies and laws that they make. They ‘fix’ the policies in order for them to reflect a win-lose outcome…a win for them and a loss for you and me.  It is time for you to lift your head out of the sand and decide that fit is the answer and not flight! 

And finally, the powerbrokers pride themselves in being great newsmakers. As does the guy in the white house, they keep themselves in the news, in their attempts to confuse and misdirect the unsuspecting few, hoping to make them the unsuspecting many. They make every attempt to turn you and me against the media by using their own filtered truths, which amount to nothing more than grand lies as they grandstand. They become the pied piper of lies, using reverse psychology to influence your hearing, your thinking, your emotions, your beliefs, and ultimately your actions. In the scheme of things, this tactic influences your ultimate demise, economically, socially, politically, culturally, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Hence, it is time for you to get up, stand up, speak up, put up, tighten up, and become fit to fight through your voice, your choice, and your vote!

And if you think you have limited choices in dealing with your life directions with the filtered noises coming from those you care about and love, your back can and will be completely against the wall when you are faced with the high pitched noise from the filtered rhetoric of the politicians and others who are self-serving and not servant leaders. There are too many of these soul sellers, dealmakers, and sellouts attempting to run your neighborhood, run your city/town, run your state, and even run your country into the ground. As they ruin each of these entities, at your expense, you are ultimately faced with emotional and psychological disarray, along with financial uncertainty and instability, as well as a state o emotional and spiritual bankruptcy. It is time for you to clear your mind, strengthen your heart, recharge your spirit, tighten your economic belt and stand in the fit lane with others who are fit and those becoming even fitter!

It takes much inner drive and inner strength, as well as outer drive, outer strength, your voice, your choice, your stamina, your stance, your stand, and your vote, to not only stand against the filtered rhetoric, but also against negative and debilitating actions espoused by powerbrokers against you and me, in order for them to remain in control. The power of your drive, your strength, your voice, your choice, your stamina, your stance, your stand, and your vote, allows you to be one of the fittest in countering the ills being thrust upon you and me by their filtered rhetoric.

Here is your chance to engage in actions that will help you to combat community and family division, hatred, fear, anger, anxiety, and your seeming lack of control. Because you are you and you are endowed with all of the internal power and fortitude to survive, you CAN begin to filter the rhetoric that comes your way by infusing truth in reality.

You and I must stand and publicly voice our opinions, put our money where our mouth is, grace the voting polls with our presence and our vote, and make conscious decisions to eradicate lies, hate and bigotry. We must either stand for something or fall for anything. We must get in shape emotionally, psychologically, physically, academically, economically, socially, politically, and spiritually. Until you are in top shape in all of these areas, you cannot and will not be fit enough to tangle with, stand against, and fight against the filtered rhetoric and high-pitched noise being put forth by the powerbrokers, in an attempt for them to ensure our ultimate demise.

 You are probably asking how can you remain or become one of the fittest persons in order to stand in front of and against those seeking to destroy you, your family, and your friends, along with all that you all stand for, including the truth. Here it is, totally unfiltered in the midst of mess, along with the truths that guide your reality.

In order for you to be amongst the ‘Fittest’ in 2018, to ensure your survival, it is imperative that the following exist:

·     You are intentionalin what you believe in, take a stance on, and for what you stand for, no matter what others think about you, say about you, or believe about you. You must have a clear plan of direction with goals, objectives, and clear action steps, allowing you to survive against the plots and ploys of the powerbrokers, designed to identify you as a loser, instead of a winner.

·     Take and adopt aprivate and a public position, a posture, a stand, and a stance on where you are, what you believe, as well as what you will and will not take when it comes to dealing with the filtered rhetoric of the powerbrokers. Draw a line in the sand with clear and succinct boundaries, without being afraid of speaking up and out about your position, your posture, where you stand, and your stance. 

·     Stand in unfiltered truthand not filtered lies. Speak truths without fear, stand in truths as a grounder, and act in truths as your reality. The truth not only sets you free, it keeps you free.

·     Remain hopeful, always believing that you were created to be a defeater instead of being defeated. Believe that no matter what seems to be the reality of the powerbrokers, you can, you will, and you are overcoming their filtered rhetoric.

·     Remain connectedto and with positive and constructive family members & friends, recognizing that the intent of the powerbrokers is to cause divisiveness amongst family and friends, in order to isolate you and alienate you from family and friends. The intent of the powerbrokers is to impact you emotionally, psychologically, physically, economically, and spiritually, causing you to believe that you are on an island alone, rendering you hopeless, helpless, and unfit.

·     Engage in constant and daily conversations & communicationwith positive thinking, forwarding thinking, forward moving, and unfiltered family members, friends, and coworkers. These people should also be truth seekers, believers, shakers, movers, and motivators, willing to stand for the truth, stand in the truth and engage in truth on a daily basis. 

·     After engaging in conversations and communicating, it is imperative that you, your rusted family members, and friends come together and put your resources together, in order to become stronger economically in your efforts to stand against the powerbrokers with their filtered conversations and high pitched noise. 

·     You all must develop a plan of survival,economically, emotionally, psychologically, physically, spiritually, socially, and politically. This plan of survival must not only exist for the short time, but also for the long term. It must also be one of love, caring, and sharing.  You must identify and utilize your resources.

·     You, your trusted loved ones and friends must develop a plan of action,including realistic, attainable, and measurable goals, time frames, action steps, as well as expected outcomes as to how you all will survive against the powerbrokers and other evil intent. Resources, including human, monetary, and others must also be included. 

·     Prayeris essential in you and your loved ones standing against the wiles of evil and ensuring our fitness in 2018. You must pray in season, out of season, morning, noon and night, engaging in corporate prayer with each other. There is strength in prayer and strength in numbers. You must believe in the power of prayer and the presence of a higher power. You must believe that God always has the final say, no matter how things seem. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel!

·     Believe in your presence, your position, and your power through God, by prioritizing what and who is important. Continue standing for the clear and pure unadulterated truths for life and in life!

·     VOTE, VOTE, VOTE!!!!

© 2018; J. Morley Productions, Inc. P. O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

“Your Heart Is Too Large to Hate”

When I was a teenager, I noticed how mean some people would be to me and to others, for no reason at all. I had not done anything to them, and I had also not noticed that others had done anything to them. They would not only say mean things, they would also attempt to do mean things in order to defy, defeat, and control, for no reason at all. They would often spew hateful rhetoric at the expense of others. I can remember asking my mother, ‘why is he/she so mean and angry; I didn’t do anything to him/her.’ My mother would say, ‘you don’t have to do anything to people for them to hate you. They hate you for no reason at all, because of how you look, what they think you have, because you are different, and many times who they think you are.’ She would also go on to say, ‘but love them anyhow!’

The words of my deceased mother resonate in my mind until today. I continue to not only witness the anger and the hatred projected onto my daughters and me for no reason at all, I also witness the anger and hatred projected onto others, just because, and for no reason at all. I have found that many times people hate you because of their own self-hatred.  There just might be a part of you that reminds them of that part within themselves that they dislike and they don’t know how to face, which is deep within their inner self. 

On the other hand, there is the hatred from others that is espoused onto you because you are different. You don’t look like them; based on your race, skin color, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, economic level, social status, political affiliation, religious belief, or immigration status. They believe you don’t have what they have. Either you have less than them or more than them; you live in a different part of town; you don’t drive an acceptable automobile; your clothes are not up to par’ or your educational level is not equivalent to theirs. 

For some reason, they believe in their narrow minds that you have come to take what they have or that which they believe they have. No matter what their reason for espousing hate against you, it is not your problem…their heart is dark and narrow!

Mama was right; people don’t have to have a reason for hating you. It seems easier for them to indulge in hate, rather than to express love. Often, because they have hated for so long, they don’t know how to love. Hate isn’t a behavior and action that God has placed in our hearts from birth; it is a learned behavior. However, it seems as if people project onto others the negative behaviors that they have learned, more so than the positive behaviors. Even though hate is learned, it doesn’t mean that you have to practice hating others on a daily basis. You must be accountable for your own behaviors. You have a choice in the matter. When you know better you do better. And if you aren’t sure, ask somebody! 

Fear, anger, and hate go hand in hand. If you were to begin to monitor your hate, you would come to recognize that there is a cycle to your hate. Your fears about the threats others pose against you, whether real or imagined, fuel your anger about your seeming lack of ability to control or stop the perceived threats of losing the things you believe you have or about losing the place you believe you have attained in life. For some reason, it seems as if many of you in this country believe that you are the only one who deserves nice things, nice places, and high levels of attainment. As a result, your hate cycle begins.

Your fears and anger then manifest into hate. All people who are different from you, based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, economic level, social status, political affiliation, religious belief, or immigration status, are not threats to destroying your neighborhood or moving you from your perceived state of being privileged. But somehow, the made for TV movie you have developed in your mind takes you through the cycle of hate. And then you want to blame others for your actions and claim you ‘just snapped,’ when you put forth negative hateful action against others. It is time for you to begin to recognize that you CAN learn to no longer hate and start loving others, even with their differences.

As has been said by many others, FEAR is false evidence appearing real. In Marvin Gaye’s 1978 album, “Hear My Dear,” he talked about the negative power of anger. Marvin sang, ‘anger makes you sick; anger makes you old, anger destroys your soul!’ He also went on to state that ‘anger injures you, and treats your body bad.’ Not only does anger do all of the things Marvin mentioned in his 1978 song, it negatively encapsulates and impacts your mind, heart, and spirit. Anger is the emotion that keeps your heart small, allowing you to blame everyone else for issues in your life, as well as promoting your fears about the perceived threats of others to you, all because of their differences. Anger helps you to hold people down and hold them back, based on who they are, or who you think they are, based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, economic level, social status, political affiliation, religious belief, or their immigration status. 

Amazingly, after singing about anger in his 1978 album, Marvin continued with his song, “Everybody Needs Love.” He recognized that hate was not the answer to dealing with anger; love was and is the answer. He took it a little further by stating, ‘ALL of God’s children need love, including you. It doesn’t matter what you are; a thief, a beggar, or superstar.’ Marvin was also correct in stating that ‘you are made for love and made of love.’

Not only do you need love, you must possess love by ridding yourself of hate and share your unconditional love with others! This love comes by way of you stepping outside of your comfort zone and your ‘privileged’ zone to gain awareness, insight, and understanding about people who are different from you. You often spend so much time fighting to be understood that you miss the boat in gaining understanding, which will carry you much farther. 

The reality is that ‘Your Heart is Too Large to Hate!” The problem is, when you engage in hateful thoughts, hateful feelings, and hateful actions, you make excuses, you are not accountable, and you refuse to engage in forgiving yourself and others who haven't done anything to you, all because you spend too much time blaming them. You begin to carry people in your heart, not only for their differences and perceived threats against you, but also because they either ‘did something to you’ or you believe they ‘did something to you.’ Again, there is your made for TV movie that you have concocted in your mind and in your heart. 

My mother also used to say “your heart is too small to carry people in it.” Carrying people in your heart whom you believe have caused real or imagined threats, hurts, and pains against you, doesn’t and won’t allow room for you to carry love in your heart. However, you can come to recognize that love trumps hate and “Your Heart Is Too Large to Hate!”

With the celebration of the Fourth of July, also known as “Independence Day,” it is time for you to take a look in the mirror and begin to ascertain the size and color of your heart when it comes to others who are different from you. Decide if your heart is small and dark, filled with hate, or is it large and pure, filled with love or at least open to the possibility of allowing love to come in.  Independence Day was created to celebrate and commemorate the signing and adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 2, 1776. The signing of the document was to indicate freedom for America from Great Britain. Sadly, two hundred and forty-two (242) years later, there are far too many of the masses of people in this country who are still not free.  They are denied their freedom because of the hatred in the hearts of so many Americans, based on their differences and the cycle of hate discussed previously.

As you celebrate the freedom of this country, start celebrating or continue celebrating love for the boys, girls, men, and women, who don’t look like you in this country and outside of this country, based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, economic level, social status, political affiliation, religious belief, or immigration status. Remember, until all of us are free, none of us are truly free!

If you plan to celebrate freedom during the Fourth of July, you must start celebrating or fight to continue celebrating love for ALL people within America, as well as those who attempt to enter America. You must challenge yourself and challenge others to confront their fears, their self-anger, their displaced anger, and their hate towards others. Remember, “Your heart Is Too Large to Hate,” but it is large enough to love! Start loving and keep loving, starting with love for YOU!

©2018; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745, Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; joyce@doctorjoyce.com; www.doctorjoyce.com