You Change Your Clothes, You Change Your Mind; People Don’t Change

I know that you probably have many reasons as to why you don’t agree with the title of this blog. And it’s not so much the title you disagree with, as it is the premise of what the time means. 

As you reflect on the title of this blog, you are probably trying to recount people you know who have “changed.” You are also probably saying, ‘I’ve changed myself.’ Another statement you and others have constantly made when I have discussed this topic during speaking engagements and other public engagements is, ‘God can change people.” Yes, God can do anything! However, we’re talking about people, who have nowhere near the power and capacity of God to make changes.

Not only do I stand by the title of this blog, I firmly believe that after you have read it, and probably before you complete reading it, you will have a greater understanding about the reality of the title and come to believe the truth about the topic. In the final analysis, you will come to see what change really means and realize my premise, which is that people don’t change!

Merriam Webster dictionary defines change as, “to transform; to make radically different; to replace with another.” When leaves ‘change’ colors, they don’t exist any longer; there is a radical transformation. When you say you’re going to change your clothes, they don’t exist any longer; there is a total difference. When you have your mind focused on one thing and then you change what you were originally focused on and focus on something else, you completely let go of what you were thinking and/or believing, replacing it with something else. The same goes for changing schools, changing homes, and changing mates. Once you take on a new one, the old one is gone and there has been a transformation. Your original school, original home, and original mate are now different; they are gone.

There is a great difference when asking people to change. You are actually asking, and sometimes demanding them to become someone else, who is new and enhanced, with the old person gone. And when they can’t do it, you try to do it yourself.  Wakeup! It’s all a dream! Sadly, your dream about people changing or you changing them to fit your mold can become a dangerous and fatal game, or a never-ending nightmare. The belief that people change is what causes a lot of you, especially women, to stay in abusive situations that are not genuine relationships. You truly believe that if you make changes in your beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors, that man will also change his negative and abusive behaviors toward you. However, if that man hit you once, he will do it again. As a matter of fact, the abuser has it in his DNA. He may ‘slack off’ in his behavior as a way of controlling you and the situation, but he always has the propensity repeat his negative and abusive behaviors. The misconception that you can make changes to change others has cost many women their life, as well as the lives of their children and other loved ones. 

That woman who was a stripper and a cheater when you met her can cease the behavior, but there is always a chance within her that she will strip again, if not at the club, in other places. It’s in her DNA. The mere fact that she chooses to go in that direction or he chooses to cheat on you and to abuse you is evidence that such behaviors are a part of her/his makeup. Once a cheater, always a cheater! He cheated on his wife to be with you. Now he is with you and he still cheats. What made you think he would be different because he is with? People don’t change! Once an abuser, always an abuser! It comes down to a matter of respect; respect for humans, and a respect for males, females, and for differences.

Behaviors of abuse, misuse, cheating, stealing, etc., are all issues of control. The person who needs control is not willing to relinquish the behavior(s) that provide the authority for him/her to remain in control. Why do you think when there is a rape, a murder, a burglary, acts of incest, etc., that the first people law enforcement officials interview are those who committed such crimes before? They know that criminals don’t change; they just become better criminals. They know that the murderer started out as an angry and controlling individual, who probably progressed to lying, stealing, cheating, disrespecting the lives of others, and thinking he/she was God, without recognizing or even considering that he/she did not give life and he/she cannot take it. Law enforcement officials also know that PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE! 

And women, you want o pick up the worst looking guy, with no skills, nothing to offer you, no goals, and no direction, in order for you to try to fix him up after you have picked him up, believing he will change, or in other words, that you can change him. Wake up; it’s not going to happen! You keep wondering why you can’t or don’t have healthy relationships. You don’t and won’t have healthy relationships because you keep picking up, entertaining, sustaining, and maintaining situations with unhealthy individuals. He was diseased when you got with him, he will be diseased when you stay with him. You can take him out of his flowered pants and plaid shirt, thinking that after you have picked him up, dressed him up, and fixed him up, he will be a changed man. The hell if he will! The Brooks Brothers suit you dressed him in, along with the Stacey Adams shoes you bought for his feet only heightens the fact that he is still the same man you picked up; he is now just covered up!

Now, I am not saying that people can’t make changes to their behaviors. I believe people grow through having awareness, insight, and understanding. With awareness they can come to see that there is some behavior and/or attitude that is prohibiting them from being able to successfully navigate life’s pipeline to success and happiness. They will have some awareness that their relationships are constantly failing and often toxic, leading to the analysis that something must be done in order to change the situation or relationship around. Awareness allows you to take off the blinders you have been wearing and hiding behind, in order acknowledge that something or some things are not right. It also allows you to move to a level of seeing the emotional impact your attitude, mindset, and behaviors are having on you and others. 

Awareness is not enough for you or anyone else to start changing your attitude, your mindset and your behaviors. You will then need to gain some insight as to how your attitude, mindset, and behaviors are negatively affecting and impacting you and others. This insight involves you taking a deeper look and a deeper dive into the impact your negative attitude, your negative and warped thinking, as well as your negative behaviors have had and continue to have on you and others, by interviewing yourself and others about the aforementioned areas. In other words, you will be soliciting feedback from others and being honest with yourself about your attitude, your mindset, and your behaviors. It’s looking back at certain incidents and situations and assessing how and why they failed or did not prosper, based on your attitude, your mindset, and your behaviors. Insight allows you to move from taking off the blinders experienced when you gained awareness to taking a panoramic view of yourself, in living color. It also allows you to get to the heart of the matter and begin to feel emotions from a different perspective.

In changing your attitude, your mindset, and your behaviors, after you have gained awareness and insight, you then need understanding. Understanding comes about when the light not only comes on, but it illuminates the reality about your attitude, your mindset, and your behaviors. Understanding is a result of you beginning to have more in-depth conversations about your attitude, your mindset, and your behaviors, with those people who care about you and your wellbeing, including your family and trusted friends. It’s listening to what’s being shared, it’s recognizing and being open to the patterns that have occurred over the years, as well as the ensuing results that have occurred, based on these characteristics. 

This understanding is that aha moment, which says, ‘Wow, I got it!’ I now see, I have been enlightened, and I have meaning to my attitude, mindset, and behaviors, as well as the impact they have had on me and on others.  Understanding also allows you to have a change of heart, based on the awareness and insight you have gained. Now that you have also gained understanding, it is time for you to make a choice as to whether you want to change your attitude, change your mindset, and change your behaviors.

Choice does bring about change. Change is a process and not an event. The leaves on the trees go through a process of change. When you are changing your clothes you have to select different clothes, prepare them for proper wear, take off the old clothes, and then put on the different clothing.

Now that you have awareness, insight, and understanding about your attitude, your mindset, and your behaviors, you are now ready to choose to make changes in these areas, flipping the script from negative to positive, while reframing your life focus, your life’s framework, and overall life direction. With choosing to change your negative attitude, your negative and warped mindset, as well as your negative behaviors, requires a different vision about yourself and others, a different level of respect for yourself and others, a plan of action with goals, time lines, a maintenance plan, as well as a support system and an accountability partner. Why do you think alcoholics always state, ‘I’m an alcoholic?’ They know that they are one drink away from going back to where they were when they were sloppy drunk, promiscuous, angry, bitter, stealing, and lying individuals. They have grown, but they have not changed. They’re the same people with a different attitude, a different mindset, and different behaviors! 

Because of time and space, I am not able to take this discussion any further. There are many more instances and facts that will verify that people don’t change. Hopefully, this blog has helped you to see and understand why I stand by and hold onto my topic and the fact that, “You Change Your Clothes, You Change Your Mind; People Don’t Change!” 

You have an opportunity to make changes in your life. You also have the opportunity to choose the right type of people to have in your life, recognizing that what and whom you choose, as well as what and who chooses you, dictates what you will get. Sometimes it’s easy to get with someone, but it’s hard as hell to get away from him/her. People recognize needy, and they recognize a good thing when they find them, no matter how negative they are and how bad they are, they want to step up and be picked up. You have a choice in the matter. Stop ignoring the symptoms of bad and negativity when you see them in people. Learn to look away and sometimes run away. He/she might seem good for the night, but hell for the days, months, and years that follow. And if you have to get with and settle for someone you have to try to change, or that you believe needs to change or be changed, why are you trying to get with them? PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE!!!!

©2019; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Having Your Back Doesn’t Mean You Turning it to My Front

If you are anything like me, TRUE friendships are greatly valued. I don’t take my friendships lightly. My friends having my back and having the backs of my friends is important. I am sure that like me, you have had people in your life, male and female, who purported to be your friend. You had probably known them for an expansive time period, and you were comfortable with them, because it seemed as if they had proven themselves to you. As a matter of fact, you trusted them and believed they saw you as you saw them…as TRUE friends.

Sadly, at some point, you had to come to recognize that not all people value and respect you and others the way you value and respect them, as well as others. Also, you had to come to realize that not all people you encounter are friends. Some people get with you as a matter of convenience (a situation), as opposed to a commitment (a relationship). The person with whom you engage with in a situation will turn the same back you supported, to your front. In other words, they will betray you and give you their ass to kiss. Now that’s not everyone, but one betrayer is too many. It’s imperative that you take the time to use discretion as to whom you will let into your life and whom you will support. Remember, the way you start a relationship is the way it will end. As Maya Angelou once stated, ‘When people show you who they are, believe them.’

Betrayal is a very difficult force to reckon with, especially when it is thrust upon you by someone you have shared your time, your energy, your secrets, your family, your emotions, your heart, your bed, your body, your soul, some times your money, but most of all, your life! Betrayal is a violation of trust. It knocks the wind out of you, as you try to reason with yourself and come to grips with the reality that someone you invested in no longer is an asset, but is now a liability. And then you begin to wonder what could you have possibly done to deserve this person whom you genuinely cared about, turning their back on you, instead of having your back and you having theirs. In other words, he/she gave you his/her ass to kiss after you covered it and protected them!

I am sure you can remember the people, who stopped speaking to you, stopped engaging with you, lied on you, and talked negatively about you, without rhyme or reason. You had their back time after time and you kept their secrets, no matter how much mess they brought to you. And on many occasions, if there was someone who should have engaged in a betrayal against the betrayer, it was you. But betrayal is not a part of your character. TRUE friendships mean a lot to you; you value them and you believe in helping people up, rather than holding them down. Unfortunately, too many people don’t have the same beliefs.

But wait a minute, it’s not just your friends who turn their backs on you and give you their ass to kiss after you have stood for them, with them and by them; your mate, your children, your siblings, family members, coworkers, and others also fit the betrayer mold. It is hard, and you are not afforded an opportunity to speak with them to gain an understanding and/or some modicum of clarification as to why the back you had for so long held and protected, has now been turned to your front. And then, although you are the person who was betrayed, the betrayer had the audacity to treat you as if you have done something wrong, and they refused to be honest and open with you about what really took place.

I know you probably would like to have all friendships and all relationships with others last for a lifetime. However, as I wrote about in my book, “Seeds for the Harvest of a Lifetime: Increasing Self-Awareness, Self-Esteem & Improving Relationships,” everyone is not in your life forever, even some family members. Some people are in your life to serve as couriers. They are there to drop a word, participate in an event, illuminate for the day and then move on. Others are in your life as short-term parkers. They are placed in your life to help you or for you to help them for a day or a night, but only for a short period of time. They are like parking meters; their time expires. You have to decide whether you are going to keep putting your time, money, and feelings into expired meters. On the other hand, there are monthly parkers, who are placed in your life to assist with a project or longer event, but their term in your life also expires. Finally, there are the lifers, whose time expires with death, and they truly have your back as you have theirs; nothing can tear you all apart. However, some times you tend to reject the lifers and hold on to the couriers, short-term parkers, and monthly parkers. They will eventually turn their back to your front and give you their ass to kiss.

It is important for you to sharpen and renew your spirit of discernment or gain a spirit of discernment. You can’t keep trying to hold onto everyone who enters your life. And beyond you trying to hold onto them, you must be able to discern those who are genuine from those who are disingenuous. You must begin to establish clear and consistent boundaries. You must also get to know the agenda of the people whose backs you support, come hell or high water. 

Some people are leeches; there to suck everything they can for themselves from you, and you get nothing in return. There are probably some people in your life that you don’t need in your life. You have had their back, but the same has not been reciprocated to you. Sure, everybody does play the fool sometime, but no one should play the fool all the time. It is time for you to take inventory of your relationships with your friends, your mate, your children, your family members, your coworkers, and others. And if you keep getting the short end of the stick, the common factor is YOU! What are you going to do about it?

What are you missing and what are you looking for that keeps you allowing people to give you their ass to kiss after you have had their back, and sometimes while you are still holding their back? There are some people who just don’t value other people and they take and take without ever giving. And when they finish getting what they can from you, they then take that same back you have supported, protected, and held, by turning it to your front.

Although you can’t go back and fix the situation with the many people who have betrayed you, and you shouldn’t go back, you can move forward. These people are usually heartless and cold, dying on the inside, lonely, and desperate. However, they are always seeking the next person to betray and they move on. They probably don’t even remember your name; people really don’t matter to them. What would be the benefit of you seeking them out and going back? You can finally forgive them and move on. You can’t keep letting these ‘back turners’ control your emotions, your thoughts, and your life directions. After all, they gave you nothing but their ass to kiss; why are you still allowing them to take up space in your heart and your head, and they are not paying for it? I guarantee you that you are not the first person who stood with them, stood up for them, and stood by them, who was given their ass to kiss; that’s just who they are. Let them go! Take stock of where you are and where you are going, as you document the lessons learned from these unappreciative people, in order for you to not keep playing the role of the fool. 

Take some time to begin to evaluate the people in your life. Be honest with yourself about those who have given you and keep giving you their ass to kiss while you continue to support them. It is time for you to remove them from your life. And if any of these people happen to be your mate, your children, or other family members, it is time for you to assess the reason you keep allowing the mess and the stress in your life. Discuss with them, using your “I” messages, what you will and won’t tolerate. You can also give them an ultimatum and a timeframe to make changes as to how you are treated. If they are not willing to make changes in how they are treating you, you have a decision to make about the relationship, if it is truly one at all. If you are unable to move forward with clearly defined boundaries or clean these people out of your life on your own, get with a licensed mental health professional to help you. 

  

In your assessment, don’t forget about those genuine and true people who have had your back, as well as those who continue to have your back. Let those wonderful souls know that they rise to the top in your life. Also let them know how much you appreciate them, value them, and love them. From this day forward, it is imperative that you are clear about whom you let into your life, as well as whose back you will have. Be reminded and remind those people the importance of remembering what “I got your back” truly means. Also remember, nine times out of ten, if a person turns their back to your front by giving you their ass to kiss once, including your mate, your children, and other family members, they will probably do it again. It is time for you to express to them, “Having Your Back Doesn’t Mean You Turning it to My Front!” I am not an ass kisser!

©2019; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

If Loving Me is Wrong, I Don’t Want to be Right!

Luther Ingram once sang, “If Loving You is Wrong, I Don’t Want to be Right.” However, the love he sang about was a forbidden love. Even today, there are probably many forbidden loves that you have either yearned for or held onto. There is nothing wrong admiring someone or being attracted to someone you have met. However, it is important that you not only identify your love interest, but that you also determine if your interest is just that, or if it is an intention to go after and love something or someone who is either not yours to love or someone who is not able to reciprocate the love you would like to give.

Although there is nothing wrong with loving someone else, it is imperative that you engage in an in-depth exploration and investigation of your level of freedom to not only actively love the person in your eyes and in your heart, but to also decide that next to God, the first love you should have is the one you have for yourself. I am not talking about self-love that is selfish, arrogant, vain, and egotistical, I am talking about self-love that puts you first. This love is one that embraces self, mind, body, and spirit. It is nonnegotiable, and there is no price that can be placed on this love, materially or otherwise. It is a limitless love, which you will share with others, but never compromise. It is the love where you are number one, after God, and you are not ashamed to show it.

From an early age, it seems as if we are socialized to believe that loving yourself is being selfish, careless, and above all a sin. And we wonder why there are so many people, especially girls and women who are walking around (barely) with low self-esteem, low or no self-confidence, seeing and believing in the less of themselves, rather than seeing and believing in the more of themselves. Girls and women are taught to be selfless, while boys and men are not only taught to selfish, they are allowed to do so, encouraged to do so, and selfishness is seen as a positive attribute for them, rather than a negative attribute.     

How in the hell can you love someone else, when you don’t even love yourself? It’s a fallacy to believe that you or anyone else can give and share something on the outside, when you have been punished, penalized, and barred from embracing it on the inside. That attribute is called LOVE. 

The value you have and show for and to yourself is the base and basis of the love that you need in order for you to move through life, without shame and without regret. The love that you have for yourself allows you to make decisions without doubt, to stand erect and walk in your own shadow and not in the shadows of others, allowing yourself to be you, instead of being a wannabe. Aside from God’s love, the greatest love that you can possess is self-love, and there is nothing wrong with you loving you! 

Self-hatred is a form of suicide. It takes away your ability to breathe, to live, and to love. Self-hatred is the catalyst for self-harm and self- destruction, It permeates your very being, allowing you to walk around in a sea of hurt. Hurt people hurt! Love then becomes the exception and not the norm, especially when it is love for you!

You don’t have to make excuses for you to love yourself, and you owe no one an explanation. As a matter of fact, you shouldn’t and you don’t need permission to love you; it was given to you when you were born. By the mere fact that you were created out of love, no matter what the circumstances were, you are love. Your name is love; your eyes, your body, your mind, and your spirit indicate love. Love is…and love is you! And if loving you is wrong, you should never want to be right!

Your love for others starts with the love that you have for yourself. You cannot give something that you don’t have. If you don’t have the freedom to believe that you have the right to love yourself, you will never be free to love or believe that you have the right to love others. And if you don’t believe that you are worthy of loving yourself, you won’t believe that you deserve love from anyone else. Hence, you allow yourself to be misused and abused. You will find yourself neglecting yourself, not taking care of yourself, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. You will also allow your physical appearance to become neglected, believing you should shop and buy items for everyone but YOU!  You are then helpless and hopeless, rendering yourself to continuous heartbreak and situations with heartless men and women. It is time for you to STOP THE MADNESS! If loving you is wrong, that means something is wrong with you; and it’s not!

If you have ever doubted the love you have for yourself, and if you don’t believe in yourself, you doubt yourself, all because of your self-hatred. This Valentine’s Day is a great start for you to begin to love yourself unconditionally, without guilt and without shame. Valentine’s Day is only the start for you to continue engaging in self-love 365 days of the year. And if you must spend Valentine’s Day or any other day with you, there is nothing wrong with that. You are the MIPW…the most important person in the world! And who wouldn’t want tot spend time with you? If you are not willing to love you and spend time with you, why should anyone else? Think about it!

As you give yourself permission to love yourself unconditionally, realizing that, “If Loving Me is Wrong, I Don’t Want to be Right,” here are a few homework exercises in which you can engage. 

Take out pen and paper and write down:

·     Five (5) positive characteristics about yourself 

·     How you see yourself and how you feel about yourself

·     Five (5) things you need to forgive yourself for and let go

·     Five (5) reasons as to what you can do and will do to exude self-love

·     Decide on one (1) day of the week that you will designate as YOUR day. Identify that day on your weekly calendar. Nothing and no one should be allowed to interfere with that day. You will use that day to focus on you and pamper yourself. Get a massage, go to a movie with yourself, and engage in other positive and safe things with yourself or a friend. 

·     Decide to buy yourself a personal item each and every pay period, as well as getting your hair done professionally, at least once a month.

·     Identify those persons and situations in your life that do not exude love and positivity, are disrespectful, abusive, and misuse you. Devise a plan to eliminate these people from your life immediately! 

·     Identify your negative views and negative perceptions of yourself. If they are filled with contempt, and self-hatred, seek professional help

·     If needed, seek psychotherapy to help you to learn to accept yourself, love yourself, and to be yourself, unconditionally

If loving you is wrong, you should never want to be right!

©2019; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

The 12 ‘Ps’ to Ensure Peace & Prosperity In Your Life In 2019

It probably seems as if the years are flying by, especially as you get older. With each New Year, you are blessed with the celebration of a birthday, indicating that you are not only getting older, you are still among the living; looking at the grass from the topside, instead of the dirt from the underside. If you are reading this blog you are blessed. You made it through 2018 and you are now among the privileged, endowed with the opportunity to live to see 2019.

By living to see 2019, you also have an opportunity to decide your peace and your prosperity. However, as with everything in life, there is a price. The price for your peace and prosperity is not a monetary one, but a price involving you taking chances, making choices, and making changes.  It’s taking chances to choose to change your attitude, change your thinking, change your feelings, change your beliefs, change your approach to making decisions, change your life direction, change your actions, etc. 

Further, the price you must be willing to pay for your peace and your prosperity are vested in your commitment and follow-through to take chances, make choices, and make changes in your life. You must also be willing to take chances to sit up, stand up, speak up, look up, and put up. In addition, there are twelve other actions you must implement, in order to ensure your peace and prosperity in 2019. They all involve you taking chances, making choices, and making changes in your life. Ironically, all of these identified actions start with the letter ‘P.’ Hence, I am providing you with “The 12 ‘Ps’ to Ensure Peace & Prosperity In Your Life In 2019.”

In order to ensure that you have peace and prosperity in your life, you must have:

1.    A Purpose-Understand why you are here, what you are supposed to do in life, as well as the dreams and legacy you are supposed to fulfill this year and in your life in general. There is a reason for your life continuing beyond 2018. If you don’t know what your purpose in life is, find it!

2.    Preparation-In order for you to move to where you would like to be and arrive at the place God wants you to be and has destined you to be, you must prepare yourself. You must begin t get your mind right, your heart right, and your spirit right. You must prepare yourself to receive what’s yours.

3.    A Plan-Is the recipe for how you will achieve what you are suppose to achieve; with written, specific, realistic, attainable, and measurable goals; objectives, timelines, and resources (human, monetary, and other); preferably in small chunks and not big hunks. Your goals should be written for 3, 6, 9, 12 months, with contingency plans. Be strategic with your plan and your actions.

4.    Priorities-Establishing priorities include you rank-ordering the most important aspects you need to focus on before moving on to other things. You must rank order your goals, your plans, and the actions you need to take.

5.    Positivity-You must think positively, speak positively, act positively, have immeasurable faith, believing that you CAN have peace & prosperity; you CAN achieve your goals; you WILL attain your goals; you ARE achieving your goals. No matter how things seem with you and around you, you must believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and see the glass as half full, instead of half empty.  

6.    Presence-It is essential that people know that you are in the room. When you enter a room, no matter how many people are in the room, your mere entrance and presence let’s people know your importance and what you have to offer, even without you saying a word. Your presence is how you present yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and otherwise. It is your walk, as well as your talk. Your presence in the presence of others is essential. It will determine the strength of your internal and external magnet, having an impact on whom you draw to you and how you draw them to you. Be able to present yourself in a positive manner, with confidence, high self-esteem, courage, self-determination, and authority.   

7.    Position-It’s important to always assess and investigate the people with whom you engage and the places where you not only engage, but places where you spend your quality time. You cannot and will not be successful or have peace and prosperity in 2019, or at any time in your life, if you do not position yourself to receive what is rightfully yours. You must be in the right place at the right time to claim your peace and your prosperity. Your position allows investigation and assessment for you to be in the right places at the right time, ready to receive.

8.    Posture-How you speak about what you want and your determination to get there, guides how you will be received by others, as well as your own level of comfort, peace, and preparation for prosperity. Position yourself to stand firm and be still in order to accomplish your goals and ultimately your peace and your prosperity. Where and how you stand has a profound effect on your success. 

9.    Purge-It is imperative that you remove the people, places, situations, and circumstances from your life that can and will impede your progress for peace and prosperity, Clean out the closets of your life, figuratively and literally, ensuring that any thing, any person, any circumstance, and any situation that doesn’t fit your plans and your life directions are removed. Close doors of negativity, allowing doors of positivity to open. 

10. PPGPs-Get with “Positive People Going Places.” Either people are assets or they are liabilities. It’s time for you to rid yourself of slackers, leeches, uninformed, misinformed, directionless, and goal-less individuals. People who keep drama going in their life will bring it to your life. Achieving your dreams might be a nightmare for others. Everyone can't go with you and everyone is not happy about your peace, your prosperity, and your success. Let them go!

11. Prayer-Prayer is always an essential aspect of the recipe to ensure your peace and your prosperity. There should be prayers throughout the day, and they don’t have to be long, drawn out formal prayers. Prayers are your conversations with a higher power I call God. Prayers also come with listening and obedience. Take time to commune with God, petitioning for your peace and your prosperity, while relaxing and opening your heart, mind, and soul, to receive what you need and to attain your goals.   

12. Patience-You must not rush your peace, your prosperity, or your goals. To do so will cause you to remain stressed, confused, and directionless. There is a reason and a season for your returns on your investments. Recognize that that which is meant for you will wait for you and no one can take what’s yours from you. There is a time and a season for each and every one of your blessings. Patience lends itself to peace, allowing you to focus on your goals, leading to your prosperity. Your patience should also come with action, but not with being pushy, overbearing, and sightless. 

Once you successfully engage in ‘The 12 Ps,” you will find an increase in your level of daily inner peace, as well as an increase in your prosperity, therefore increasing your internal and external power. And being prosperous isn’t just monetary; it’s being prosperous in mind, body, and spirit. 

The New Year is an opportunity for you to have new results in your life. If you want peace and prosperity in your life, they come with action and perseverance. You must work to achieve and maintain peace and prosperity in your life. Your practice with and implementation of ‘The 12 Ps’ will keep you on track and focused, not only in 2019, but also throughout your life. Get up, get started, and watch the positive things God has in store for you begin to materialize!

©2019; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

How You Started Your Year Determined How It Will End

Yes, you are once again coming to the close of another year. You are probably reflecting on your accomplishments, with much more focus on your failures. It’s amazing that as humans, we find it much easier to focus on and hold onto the falls, falters, failures, and losses that we experience, rather than celebrating the accomplishments and gains that occur within our lives. I am also sure that you are once again scrambling to make right what has been and what might still be wrong within your life over the past year. You would like to rewrite the script of your life experiences during the past year and in some cases start anew. However, whether you realize it or not, the reality is, you wrote the script for this year’s journey at the beginning of the year with each decision, each choice, and each action you took, which determined the ebbs and flows of the year and will also determine the outcome of this year for you.

The script you wrote for the direction, journey, and outcome of each of your life years is no different from the scripts that you have written for your relationship journeys and outcomes. If the outcome of each of your years is determined by how you start them, the outcome of each of your relationships is also determined by how you start them. So too, does the script you write for rearing your children determine their life direction. How you start directing and disciplining your children determines how they will progress or not progress through life. 

If you don't have boundaries and balance in your relationships, no boundaries and no discipline with your children, along with no boundaries and no direction with each of your life years, your relationships are doomed, your children travel down paths of disrespect, disappointments, lack of direction, and each of your years are fraught with a lack of direction, as well as no learning from your falters, falls, and failures. As a result, you keep repeating the negative actions, not profiting from the lessons, while entering and exiting each year the same.

At some point, it is time for you to recognize that you have more control over your life than you think, You also have much more power than you believe you have, and you are also much smarter than you give yourself credit. With this assurance of your ability to be able to plan and to direct your life, it also means that you have the power and the authority to decide the path, pattern, and direction of each year of your life.

Now, don’t get me wrong; there are many situations, circumstance, and occurrences in your life over which you have no control. There is a master plan for your life, controlled by God from on high. However, because you are made in His image, you have been afforded the ability to serve as one of the copilots of your life, lending credence to the strength and power God has given you. You were created with and endowed with the power to decide your present, your future, and your eventual fate in life. With that being said, you can also plan and guide each year of your life. 

The reason why so many people feel like failures and believe that they have not accomplished anything in life by the end of each year, as they frantically strive to once again engage in making the proverbial annual new years resolutions, is because they make decisions on a whim, without assessing their past and current situations, and without planning, with goals and timelines. Often, the reality is that your year will end the way you start it. If you start your year without direction, it will probably end without direction. If you start your year without faith and a belief that you ARE meant to be successful, that you DESERVE to be successful, and that you ARE thus far successful, you will probably wind up being a failure. However, if you start your year speaking positively over yourself, speaking out loud positively about yourself, with a written action plan, including goals and timelines, you will see that each year of your life will end much more successfully.

You must start each year by seeing the glass as half full, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark things seem in your life and around your life. Instead of seeing your falters, falls, failures, and losses as setbacks, begin to look at them as set asides, as well as setups for your great comebacks! You must take action, be patient and stand against all odds. There will must certainly be bumps and bruises in your life, but you must get up, brush yourself off, stand up, and move on after every bump, every bruise, every battle, every falter, every fall, every failure, and every loss. It’s not so much that you experience each of these disappointments; it’s what you do with the lessons that you are supposed to learn from the disappointments and how you use them to help direct or redirect your life.

If you are not willing to learn and implement your lessons from your life experiences, you are destined to repeat the same mistakes, make the same wrong and negative impacting decisions, and remain a member of the insanity club. As a result, you will continue determining the outcome of each of your years, because you will have started them without thinking of the end in mind, or without considering the outcome of your decisions and choices. 

This year is an opportunity for you to take stock and examine this year in retrospect. You can’t undo what’s already been done; there is no reason to keep kicking yourself in your behind, and no reason to keep blaming yourself for wrong choices and bad decisions. It’s time for you to assess the negative and the positive aspects of your life, the negative and positive decisions you have made, the challenges you are facing, as well as your life dreams. You might not be able to go back and fix the mistakes or erase the past, but you can move forward and prepare for your future.

 Here’s your opportunity to prepare for 2019, but you must decide to move on from 2018, with a plan to move forward into 2019 and beyond. As you assess your 2018, set at least five goals for 2019. You are going to set your goals for three, six, nine, and twelve months. You will begin to take life in small chunks, instead of big hunks, as you have done in the past. The assessment process for 2018 should include you taking a panoramic view of the people you have in your life, including your friends. The assessment process entails you recognizing that everyone who has been with you during 2018 is not necessarily prepared to travel with you into 2019 and beyond. 

Starting your year off in a positive direction in order to ensure that it ends in a positive direction is recognizing who are the assets and liabilities in your life, human and otherwise. It’s having the strength to remove the liabilities and strengthening your assets. It’s forgiving and letting go of any, everything, and everyone who has negatively impacted you. It is also forgiving you.

You can determine the outcome of each year of your life if you start the year correctly from the onset. Purpose, planning, direction, perseverance, and positioning yourself for success at the beginning of the year will most certainly help you to determine your year’s end, each and every time. Remember that although God is the creator and the author of your life, you are the finisher of your life. Start planning for next year this year. Expect the best and plan to receive the best in your life! You deserve it and you CAN and you WILL have a great year every year! Get started now! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

©2018; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Remaining Steadfast & Immovable When the Lights of Life No Longer Shine

If you believe that you were created by God and made in His image, you should also believe that you were created to shine as bright as the stars in the sky. To that end, it must also mean that you were created to let your life light shine. Your life light was not only meant to shine as a part of your inner being, it was also meant to shine on the outer most parts of you. As long as you are alive, there is a light shining in, around, and throughout you as an individual. However, you must behold it, believe it, and bring it full circle within, and throughout your life. 

I am sure that many of you are laughing through your tears as I talk about your internal and external life light. You are also probably asking, ‘what damn light?’ Your life light has been dim for so long, that you need candles, lanterns, oil lamps, natural light, and any other forms of light, just for you to even begin to consider yourself as a beacon of life. And because you believe your life light has been dim for so long, hindering and hampering you from helping yourself, you feel helpless in helping anyone else.

Your life light is your smile. It’s that twinkle in you eye when you are excited; it’s your inner strength that keeps you getting up when you fall; it’s the joy in your heart; it’s that inner motivation that keeps you fighting and moving forward each and every day, even when you don’t feel like it. It’s that light that keeps giving you hope even in the midst of the darkness that keeps allowing you to see the glass as half full, instead of half empty, and keeps you believing that even though there is some darkness, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Do you remember the not so long ago stability in your life and the lives of your loved ones? Now I am not asking you about a time when things were perfect, because there are no perfect times. This was when there wasn’t someone wearing the title of president of the United States residing in the White House spewing hate, division, racism, classism, ageism, sexism, homophobia, lies, deceit, and violence. This was a time when hatred wasn’t the word of the day, and the outward acts of hatred were often the exception and not the rule. This was a time when you and the rest of America began to rebound from the real estate bust, the financial fallout, and one of the most devastating times for Americans in recent history. 

Now, even though negative impacts of the social, economic, and emotional experiences faced by Americans have always been an aspect of the fiber of people in the United States, they were more covert than overt. Somehow, no matter how dark your days seemed, you were always able to let your light shine in the darkness, even at night. I do understand that it is often very difficult for you to see the light within you or around you with all of the mess you and your loved ones are currently having to face. Hence, it must be difficult to ask you to allow your internal and external light of life to shine as bright as the stars. But, for your very survival, the greatest weapon you have against the darkness that seems to permeate your life and the lives of your loved ones is your life light, your love light, and your light of truth.

I am a realist about the importance of finding the core of your internal life light. Not only does your life light need to shine for your success and your existence, it also needs to shine for the success and existence of family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and others. You are probably asking, ‘how do you allow your life light to shine?’ Keep reading and I will provide information, inspiration, the transformation, as well as steps to help you to ‘Remain Steadfast & Immovable When the Lights of Life No Longer Shine.’

Your life light is you as a total package. Along with the attributes previously mentioned. Your life light includes your race, your culture, your gender, your age, your religion, your spiritual beliefs, your life choices, your geographic location, your values, your overall beliefs, the truth, and any and everything that allows you to be you!  However, too often, based on your life situations and life circumstances, you many times believe that you have to forsake the characteristics previously cited. These characteristics are the base and the bases for determining your light, the brightness of your light, and the scope of your light, internally and externally. It’s when you choose to forsake or feel pressured to forsake the characteristics of who you are as a total being, along with your attempts to either be like someone else, follow someone else, or behave like someone else, that your life light, your love light, and your truth light enter the darkness zone.It is also when you allow nay sayers, outside forces, along with racial, sexual, political, social, religious, and economic forces to rid you of your smile. When you allow outside forces to dim the twinkle in your eye, when you lose your inner motivation, and when you allow your inner joy to be compromised, that you will find yourself in the midst of darkness. 

Letting your life light shine and allowing it to continue to shine starts with you learning to get up again, as you learn to stand again, in the midst of your falls, falters, and failures. You must remember that you have been down this path before and you will get back up again. Your past experiences, along with the experiences of your loved ones who have faced loss, grief, broken hearts, broken homes, and all-around brokenness have dictated that you can get back up and be grateful. As a result, you will come to see that it is easier for you to recognize your blessings by expressing your gratefulness, rather than focusing on your brokenness. And each time you call up, recognize, and highlight your blessings with gratefulness, your life light will begin to shine or continue to shine, along with your love light and your truth light.

If you decide to forsake your total being by ingesting and digesting daily doses of hate-filled, racist, sexist, homophobic, classist words, you will voluntarily participate in the life dimming process. If you decide to stand for and with the hate mongers spewing negative rhetoric about people who don’t look like you, participate in and sanction voters being denied their RIGHT to vote with voter suppression tactics, and accept promises filled with lies, you will then be complicit in helping to not only cause darkness in your life, but darkness in the life of others.

I have provided you with several ways for you to not allow your life light to be dimmed; here are some other approaches that you can use. Your greatest weapon in helping you to “Remain Steadfast & Immovable When the Lights of Life No Longer Shine,” is your light of love, and your light of truth! 

When you stand for what’s right, love others as you do yourself, treat people right, don’t join the haters, don’t engage in hate-filled rhetoric and hate-filled actions against others; your life light will continue to shine. When you call out those who violate your rights and the rights of others, and not participate in the mess that causes you and so many other people stress, your life light will continue to shine. You must continue seeing the glass of life as half full; continue speaking hope; continue seeing & believing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. As long as you believe in your life light, you will feel it, and come to see it.

I challenge you to reach deep into your heart and into your soul, to allow every ray of your life light to shine. And if you allow it to shine brightly, your life light will shine throughout your life, even from the grave. Your life light, which is your love light, and your truth light, is contagious! It will remain in the lives of your children, your family, your friends, and others you touch throughout your life. Even in the midst of seeming darkness, your light of love and truth will never go dark!!!

©2018; J. Morley Productions, Inc; P. O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; 770-808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com