Chairs Might Be Empty at the Dinner Table But Love Still Abides

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all! The holiday season is something that we all seem to look forward to each year. It is a time that family, friends, and loved ones get together to share joy, peace, and love. The season is usually filled with holiday cheer, parties, gifts, and travel. It is that time above all times where you somehow put disappointments aside in order to enjoy the happiness associated with the season. The season also culminates your years’ journey, as you prepare to embark upon a new year, hoping to leave the negative in the past, as you declare newness and positivity in the upcoming year.

 

However, because of the loss of so many lives, job losses, the loss of homes, lost businesses, lost incomes, lost relationships, the lost of human touches, lost hope, and in some cases the loss of faith surrounding the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic, many of you are still looking forward to the holiday season as a reprieve. However, to the over 268,000 families who have lost loved ones, and the more than 10 million people in the United States who have experienced the ravages of the virus, many of you are not looking forward to the holiday season.

 

I empathize and I sympathize with those of you whom have lost family members, friends, jobs, homes, income, businesses, faith, and hope. I am sure that Thanksgiving was very difficult for so many of you, because this was the first major holiday that you had to deal with an empty chair or empty chairs at the dining table. And even more difficult for so many of you, whether your loved one transitioned from this life to the next realm due to the COVID-19 coronavirus or because of some other malady, you and your family members were not able to physically visit your loved ones or say goodbye in person before they transitioned. As a matter of fact, your family traditions of saying goodbye have been shattered, causing even more pain on top of your pain of loss. 

 

As a psychotherapist I help my clients to deal with various forms of loss and grief, recognizing that although loss can be an unexpected event, as has happened with many COVID-19 coronavirus deaths; grief is a process that has no timeframe. The difficulty about death is that it is never on your calendar, never documented in your daily appointments, and it cannot be predicted. And no matter how many times you are faced with death, you are never prepared; you want your loved ones with you for life. Sadly, the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic has shown that it is not only uncontrollable and unpredictable; the resulting losses have seemed insurmountable.

 

Yes, I know that the holiday season heightens your pain of loss and grief. You did not expect that you would have to bury your mother, your father, your sister, your brother, your grandparents, and especially your children. However, in the midst of your pain, there is the laughter, the love, and the light that was illuminated in the life of your loved one(s) and in your memories of him/her. Although your loss is difficult, it is important for you to remember that your loved one(s) left memories that will forever impact your life, as well as the lives of others with whom they came in contact. It seems easy to mourn the loss of your loved ones, but I challenge you to celebrate the life of your loved one(s) that have transitioned to the next realm.

 

If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one or loved ones for whatever reason, and especially if this is your first holiday season without him/her, here are a few suggestions that can help you to manage your loss and your grief.

 

1.    Keep a daily journal of your feelings and your thoughts.

2.    Cry and shed some tears, but not for a lifetime; cloudy and wet eyes have difficulty allowing the sun to once again shine into your eyes and into your life. 

3.     Share your feelings with family members and close friends.

4.    Get up, open your blinds and your curtains, and get out, even in the midst of the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic you can mask up and take a walk in your yard or your neighborhood.

5.    Begin to take a journey of inner spirituality in order for you to begin to process the loss(es) of your loved one(s) as gains. 

6.    Reach out and check on others who share this loss with you.

7.    If your grief becomes too unbearable, filled with increased depression and anxiety, seek help from a mental health professional either in person or during COVID-19 through telemental health processes.

8.    Take stock of your life as it related to your relationship with/to the loved one(s) you lost.

9.    Behold the blessings and lessons you can now count and cherish as a result of the life meeting that was not by happenstance.

10.   Decide what you will do with the blessings and the lessons you gained from the relationship(s) with your loved one(s), in order to help yourself and others; make written plans to apply the blessings and lessons in real time.

11.  Write the top five things you will miss most about your loved one(s) in your journal.

12.  Write the most memorable events and occasions you shared with your loved one(s) and review them occasionally, with joy & laughter.

13.  Find the most memorable photograph of the two of you and place it in a conspicuous place for you to look at every now and then with a smile.

14.  Take time to reminisce about those great events and experiences in your mind in your heart, with others who share the same memories, holding your loved one(s) dearly, but deciding to let him/her go.

15.  Write the top ten most humorous memories that you have about your loved one(s) and take some time to laugh about them from a gut level, until you cry tears of joy.

16.  Leave a vacant chair at the dinner table for your loved one(s) during the holiday seasons and birthdays, allowing his/her spirit to visit, but allowing his/her spirit to return to his/her newly found home of peace.

17.  Celebrate the life of your loved one(s) on his/her birthday, special occasions, and during the holidays with Zoom and phone contacts, in reality, by remembering the good times, celebrating his/her life and not mourning his/her loss.

18.  Invite family members and friends to share a positive memory of your loved one(s), barring tears and sadness during your Zoom and telephone celebrations.

19.  Salute the memory of your loved one(s) throughout the holiday season by speaking his/her name with love.

20.  Don’t deny your hurt, your pain, and your loss; you will begin to heal with time.

21.  Give yourself permission and time to grieve, remembering that your loved one(s) want you to live after his/her death and if he/she had a choice he/she would still be in this realm with you.

22.  Write a letter to your loved one(s). Place it in your Bible or just read it aloud and tuck it in a safe place. 

23.  Periodically review photo albums, scrapbooks, and other memorabilia pertaining to your loved one(s) while you imagine and laugh.

24.  Take care of yourself; relax, breathe, exercise, meditate, engage in yoga, and engage in your favorite hobbies.

25.  Revisit the hobby you abandoned years prior; take out your old paint brushes and easel; dust off your piano keys or instrument; find new life in these hobbies and avocations 

26.  Pray for the soul of your loved one(s).

27.  Give him/her permission to cross into the next realm.

28.  Release your loved one(s) into the next realm, holding onto his/her memories.

29.  Remember, death and life are processes, not necessarily events. Decide on paper, the process you will use to move forward in and with your life. 

30.  Donate your time, treasures, and talents to groups, charities, and/or organizations in which your loved one(s) invested. 

31.  Donate a meal or funds in the name of your loved one(s) to the hungry, the homeless, or other caused over the holidays.

32.  Take time out of your busy schedule each and everyday to reach into your heart to love yourself and share a dose of love with someone else!

33.  Take time out of your busy schedule to pick up the phone to check on a loved one while he/she still lives, remembering “DEATH IS DONE!”

34.  Remember, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel; clear your eyes and your heart to see it!

35.  Pray daily for your renewed strength, remembering, your loved one has only paid the debt that every human will have to pay at some point. 

 

Although your loved one(s) are no longer with you in the physical realm of this life, know that his/her spirit is with you and he/she still lives within you. Also remember because he/she lives within you, what you do and what you show to others and to the world, as well as how you take care of yourself is a reflection of your loved one(s). Even though there might be an empty seat at the dinner table, and in some cases empty seats, the dinner which you will eat, as well as the table at which you will sit, the room in which you will eat, the house in which you reside, is filled with the love and not the loss of your loved one(s). Although your loved one(s) is/are gone from this physical realm, their love and memories still reside in your heart and you are still connected in the spiritual realm!

 

Keep the faith, keep praying and allow God to lead you and love you! Love abides in the midst of loss!!

 

©2020; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

When You Have Done All You Can You Must Stand

During these tumultuous times, you are probably trying to figure out what to do to remain safe, sane, healthy, and alive. I am sure that at times things seem to be coming at you from all sides and you don’t know what to do about them. You’ve asked over and over, “What’s going on?” “Lord why me?” It would be great if you only had to deal with one dilemma or one storm at a time, but it often seems as if you are having to deal with multiple dilemmas and multiple storms at the same time, many that are out of your control. And in 2020, even greater dilemmas and greater storms are the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic, as well as the mess that’s going on in the white house that has entered into your house, without an invitation.

 

You try your best to handle situation after situation, but it seems as if the pain, the rain, and the storms keep pounding on you and around you, with no end in sight. And you dare to ask the proverbial questions, ‘What’s next?’ or ‘What else can happen?’ The reality is, and you are keenly aware that you probably don’t want to know what’s next, nor do you want to know what else can happen; next and what else can more than likely be worse than what you are already dealing with. 

 

As you are confronted with the trials, tribulations, storms, and other battles, and perils of life, it seems as if you can’t make it through and you don’t know which way to go. What happened to your friends and family members? Sometimes it seems as if you are battling by yourself. And when people ask you how are you doing, you often reply, ‘I’m going through a lot!’ Often your response is indicative of what is actually taking place with you; you are ‘going through.’ Your response to the inquiry of your state of mind, your state of health, and your state of life is rarely, ‘I’m in a lot.’ The fact that you replied with ‘I’m going through’ is an indication that you are not stuck in whatever is going on with you or around you; you are coming out, because you are just passing through! This declaration itself should be a reason for you to stand.

 

Enough does get to be enough! But what can you do about any of the unfortunate situations in which you find yourself having to battle? You’ve prayed, you’ve cried, you’ve blamed God, and on many occasions you’ve tried to bargain with Him. Sometimes you have to just sit with yourself and begin to observe yourself instead of participating with yourself. Take stock of your situation(s), being realistic of what you can do abut them, what you are willing to do about them, and decide which of them you need to completely let go and turn over to God. At some point you will mature enough where you will learn to take your trials and tribulations to God from the onset of their entrance into your life. You know He doesn’t need your help. But whatever you do, you must hold on, not throw in the towel and do whatever you can, allowing yourself to once again stand.

 

Famous gospel singer Donnie McClurkin has a hit song that plainly states, “After You’ve Done All You Can, You Just Stand.” You must be realistic bout what you can do and what you cannot do. When you think about it, you have been this way before. It might not have been the exact same situation, but you have had storms, rain, trials, and tribulations occur in your life before, and God saw you through them, He will see you through your current storms and any other ones that will appear in your life. And believe me, once you get past one storm, one dilemma, and one uninvited situation, there is another one lurking over the horizon. However, whatever is going on in your life, you must stand! 

 

Get out of that bed, get out of that chair and stand! The longer you lie in your bed or linger in your comfy chair, the longer you will wallow in the pain of your rain, your winds, your storms, your dilemmas, your trials, and your tribulations. Think about it; you’ve never seen anyone fighting from his or her bed or from his or her comfy chair. They are always standing when they fight. Lying down and lingering in your bed or your comfy chair will only take your strength, rendering you even more helpless and hopeless. However, your stand is a stance in preparation for anything that comes against you. Your stand is an affirmation to declare as Fred Hammond sang, “No Weapon Formed Against Me Shall Prosper.” You will then be able to go on to repeat Psalm 23:1, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.” Your stand also makes you bolder, where you can proclaim Psalm 27:1, “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear.”

 

You have cried and prayed, and hopefully you have voted in order for you to have a positive impact in lessening, reversing, and eliminating the storms in your life, as well as those in the lives of others. You’ve called on your friends, at least the ones that have remained with you in the midst of your trials, tribulations, rains, and storms of life, as well as family embers, but remember, many of them are also facing their own life storms. On the other hand, many of them don’t want to hear about your life storms; they are fair weather friends. If the weather isn’t fair, to good, or great in your life, they are no longer friends. But no matter what, you will move past whatever is taking place in your life; you just STAND! Things will get better, but you must be in a position of power and authority to not only see them when thy get better, but to also receive the transformation and blessings that come with the better times.  God owns your house, but remember He also owns the white house, as well as the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic. “When you have done all you can you must stand!” God’s got it! 

 

You’ve got God; you will weather this and any other storms! It’s up to you to do all that you can, no matter how things look with you and around you.  No matter what things look like in your house, no matter what they look like in your neighbor’s house, no matter what they look like in the white house, remember that you can stand, knowing that God has the finally say! Donnie McClurkin also reminds you that “You Can Get Back Up Again!” Getting up and standing after your storms makes you better and not bitter. Your stand will be the evidence of your testimony to the tests you have passed as you weathered the storms of your life, whether they were invited or uninvited. “When You Have Done All You Can You Must Stand!” 

 

©2020; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Know Your Gravediggers from Your Pallbearers

“For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me in.” Matthew 25:35

 

 

I am sure that you, like me, enjoy the comforts of having people in your life, with whom you can have at least a modicum of trust. You want to ensure that your family members, your friends, your coworkers, and your colleagues have your back. You most certainly expect more from your family members and your friends, especially if there is a positive relationship. Sadly, some of the people you identify as friends don’t see you the same way you see them, and they don’t reciprocate the same treatment to you, that you show to them.

 

The year 2020, has brought about so many challenges and seeming insurmountable odds for so many people around the world, but especially in this country. The COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic has taken the lives of over 205,000 people and over six million have tested positive for the virus in America. Small businesses have closed, people have been evicted from their homes, millions are unemployed, millions are experiencing mental health disorders, and millions more are feeling helpless and hopeless. It’s during this time that friends and family are important assets. Notice that I used the word “assets.” And if you fit into any of the aforementioned challenging categories listed above, you are keenly aware of the importance of having people around you who stand by you, stand with you, as well as those who lend a helping hand, are willing to pick you up when you fall, and pull you up when you’re down. These people are true assets. 

 

There is an old saying, ‘a friend in need, is a friend in deed,’ As you experience challenges, you are most certainly more in need of support and assistance from people whom you believe care about you and have your back, including family and friends. I am keenly aware that some of your family members and friends might have the same level of need as you, and some might have an even greater level of need than you. Whatever the need, the question is what can you and your family members and friends do and what are you and your family members and friends willing to do to support and help each other during these challenging and difficult times? Either you all will deny and denounce each other and refuse to provide the help that you are capable of providing, or you all will take a realistic assessment of the needs of each other and assess the levels of assistance you are capable of providing to and for each other. Until outcome meets needs, there will still be challenges and problems.

 

In order to seriously understand if someone has your back and is willing to be there for you in a time of need, it is imperative that you know how your family members and friends will respond to the question often asked, ‘Am I my brothers’ or my sisters’ keeper? The answer must be an astounding YES! If the answer to the question is no or there is hesitancy in the response, you might want to reconsider your relationship with those family members and those people you consider to be your friends.

 

True friends, family members, and honest coworkers and colleagues with integrity will be there for you when the chips are down, when the world turns its back on you, when you are in need of comfort, when you have lost your job, when you have lost your way, when you are hungry, when you are sad, when you are grieving, when you are down and out, when you are depressed, as a matter of fact, no matter what is going on, if they are ‘true’ friends, family members, coworkers, and colleagues they will be there for you. These ‘true’ relationships will stand even if you are in quick sand and they will stand the tests of time. It’s during these times that you do not need silent partners, people hiding in shadows, people not returning your phone calls, people not responding to your text messages and emails, people going missing, or people pretending that they don’t know what’s going on. It’s during your times of struggles, times of weariness, and times of need that you need people in your life who will stand for you and with you, people who will not only say something, they will do something!

 

There are many of you who believe that people’s needs are always financial. However, providing money is not the only way for you to stand by and stand with so-called friends, favorite family members, co-workers or colleagues in need. There are times when a phone call will help, a kind word will make a difference, a friendly greeting card will brighten your day, or a daily or weekly check-in to check up on you will keep your hope alive. Either these people are for you or they are against you. You have to decide if they are assets or liabilities and if they are there to bury you alive or revive you when you need a lifeline.

 

My wise mother used to say, “Know Your Gravediggers from Your Pallbearers.” Simply put, you have to decide if the people in and around your life will stand for you and with you during times of stress and/or distress, or during any of the aforementioned perils cited above. Will they be willing to pick you up, hold you up, carry you along, or will they run away from you, leave you when you’re down, step on you, hold you down, or keep a knee on your neck, with their feet on your back, with their shoes on, while you are down. 

 

Your gravediggers help to put you in the ground. They go out of their way to not only put you in harms way, they do all they can to keep you in harms way. They will dig the grave for you through lies, avoidance tactics, slander, libel, racism, and conspiracy theories, as they talk about what’s wrong with you, how they believe you fell done, as well as how you contributed to your current down status and struggles. They will place their knees on your neck, their feet on your back, with their shoes on. They will encourage and help others to do the same. Your gravediggers will help to throw dirt on you and bury you while you are under, and feeling down and out. Their intent is to keep you under, down and out, without ever attempting to pick you up and revive you. In all actuality, your gravediggers are out for your very life. They will either take your life themselves or they will help to set others up for your demise. After all, they are gravediggers! You must be very careful! Gravediggers will often present themselves as pallbearers, in order for them to enter into your life and into your space. However, you must watch and pray each and everyday for you to be able to behold their imposter status, causing their “imposter card” to be revoked.

 

You will find that your gravediggers are out for what you can do for them, and not what they can do for you. They are looking for position, power, prestige, prominence and whatever they can get from you, at any cost, and at your expense.  They will hide in shadows and do everything that they can to avoid helping you during your time of need and struggle. Here is an opportunity for you to engage in honest relationship checkups with your close friends, family members, coworkers, and colleagues, to see if they fit in the gravedigger status of your life. If they do, you have a serious decision to make about how you want to relate to these people. As my mother used to say, these are people you might want to ‘feed out of a long-handle spoon.’

 

On the other hand, your pallbearers are there for you, based on your needs, not on their wants. They will pick you up when you are down, they will pull you up when you can’t get up; they will carry you when you cannot stand or cannot walk. They will do their best to rescue you from harm and to keep you out of harms way. They will talk with you and not about you, and they won’t talk against you. And if they don’t have the means or the resources to meet your needs, they will guide you, lead you, and help you to find the right and proper resources to meet your needs. As a matter of fact, your pallbearers will escort you and stand with you as you maneuver through the maze of trials, tribulations, and struggles. Your pallbearers will have your back and you won’t have to look for them; they will seek you, in order to ascertain your needs. They don’t need a crowd or an audience to stand by you or to pick you up; they will do it if they have to do it alone, with no one to help and no one watching. At the same time, they will stand with you, stand by you, and speak up for you in the presence of those people who consider themselves to be your enemies. They’re not looking for praise or promises; they are genuine. 

 

Your pallbearers will love you when you are up and when you are down, when you have, as well as when you are broke, busted, and disgusted. They will go out of their way to ensure that you are not just okay, but that you are alright, and they don’t leave you until they are assured that you are in a place of stability, mind, body, and spirit. 

 

Sometimes we have difficulty recognizing and accepting those persons in our lives who truly love us, care for us, and have our best interests at heart. Unfortunately, many of you tend to gravitate toward the gravediggers in your life, trying to fit and assimilate with them, while overlooking your pallbearers. Once again, here is an opportunity for you to engage in honest relationship checkups with your close friends, family members, coworkers, and colleagues, to see if they fit in the pallbearer status of your life. If they do, it is time for you to reach out to them and thank them for what they have done for you in the past, for their support of and for you in the present, as well as your appreciation for their support in the future. It’s time for you to thank your pallbearers for just being them. It doesn’t take much to do so. Pick up the phone and just say thank you! You can send a greeting card. Both of these acts of humility, thanks, and appreciation are much more personal than an email or a text. 

 

Give God the praise and the glory for both the gravediggers and the pallbearers in your life. Your gravedigger experiences only make you stronger, wiser, more aware, more cautious, more humble, and more appreciative to God for your pallbearers. They will most certainly keep you on your knees, with your eyes and your hands lifted toward heaven. Your pallbearer experiences are immeasurable. They will keep you appreciative, thankful to God, with your head up, with an open and thankful heart, as well as more caring and appreciative of others.

 

This day, I challenge you to get to “Know your Gravediggers from Your Pallbearers!” This action should also extend to the 2020 election. We have seen an administration filled with gravediggers. It’s time for you, your true friends, trusted coworkers and colleagues to rid yourselves of the gravediggers in your life, on your job, in the current administration and those in anyway connected to you. Hold onto your known pallbearers and cast your vote for those who will take you through a pallbearer experience and not a gravedigger experience after November 3, 2020. You need assets, not liabilities!

 

 

©2020; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

A Change is Going to Come

Many years ago, the late Sam Cooke sang the song “A Change is Going to Come.” The late Otis Redding and Aretha Franklin also did remakes of the song, believing that a “Change is Going to Come.” In many ways, the question is, did these famous people live long enough to see the changes they were looking to take place? Because Sam Cook and Otis Redding died at an early age, there is no way that they could have seen changes occur. They still lived under laws of racism and segregation.

 

Over fifty years later, one of today’s greatest young singers, Jennifer Hudson once again sang, “A Change is Going to Come,” during the 2020, Democratic Convention. It is evident that Sam, Otis, and Aretha never saw the change they sang about and fought for. Aretha had an opportunity to see a lot more change and she was heavily involved in the Civil Rights Movement She fought for human rights and for racial equality. 

 

Unfortunately, the racism, sexism, inequalities, inequities, and other discrimination that has plagued this country for over four hundred years still exist. I am sure that you, like me, have been praying and crying for positive change all of our lives. No matter what race, creed, or color, everyone strives to be free, to be treated as humans, treated with dignity and respect. No one wants to remain poor all of their life, or to be disenfranchised, strapped with feelings of helpless and hopeless, in a system designed to maintain the status quo of the haves and have not’s. A change has to come!

 

When people are asking for and looking for change, they are requesting that people, things, ideas, actions, and circumstances become different. They are looking for something other than what has been the status quo. However, until the hearts and minds of men and women in control of this country, based on the power of the purse, manipulation, unjust laws, and unjust polices change, situations and circumstances will remain the same. Change does not occur without accountability and action.

 

Those of us in need of change in America’s racist behaviors, sexist behaviors, economic deprivation, voter and other suppression, political manipulation, unjust laws and polices, as well as other forms of disenfranchisement seek instant change. However, those in position of power and control previously alluded to in this article, espouse that it takes time for change. We are well aware that change can occur instantly, if people are willing to take the necessary action to make change occur. One thing all of us know is that change is most often a choice. Yes, there are times when you and I are not in control of the changes that occur in our lives. However, we can control how we view the changes, as well as how we adjust to them when they occur. Many of these changes are events that just happen and things can become different, right in front of our faces. Death is not only one of those instant events of change; it is a permanent event of change that you, I, and no one else can control or do anything about. At times, there are incremental changes, which we all go through as human beings, progressing from babies to adults; crawling, to standing, to walking, and then running. But we still ask the question Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. asked over fifty years ago, “How Long Lord; How long?

 

Those of us still looking for racial justice, civil rights, voting rights, economic justice, health equity, political and other equities are looking for positive change that is also permanent, like death. We are looking for change that makes things better for ALL people, not just for the time at hand, but also for a lifetime. It’s been over fifty years ago since Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Medgar Evers, Shirley Chisholm, Jesse Jackson, Congressman John Lewis, Myrlie Evers, Aretha Franklin, Harry Belafonte, Hosea Williams, the Freedom Riders, and too many others to name, fought vehemently for change in the civil rights of all people. Sadly, in 2020, Black people, Brown people, American Indians, and Whites are still fighting for change to take place. Even more unfortunate, the change has not been an event, and it has not been incremental; it has not occurred at all.

 

The guy in the white house, along with his crooked allies and crooked cronies have done and continue to do all that they can to block any type of positive change in the lives of Blacks, Browns, American Indians, and the poor. They work daily, scheming to keep the disenfranchised and the have not’s poor, down, and out, no matter what color.   He is filled with hate, anger, racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, lies, and too many negative attributes to list. He has done all that he can do to hold African-Americans, Brown people, American Indians, and poor whites down. He has down all that he can to destroy public education, health insurance, federal economic programs, early childhood programs, federal housing programs, federal and state employment programs, federal training programs, as well as any program that will benefit those who are not rich and famous. A change has got to come!!! 

 

Change will never happen for you, for others, and for me, in this country on its own. We must make change happen. Professionally and personally, I don’t believe people change, because they can always go back to the way they were and engage in the same behaviors they were engaged in previously. I believe people grow through awareness, insight, and understanding. Once they have matriculated through these three growth processes, they can then change their feelings, their mindsets, and ultimately change their behaviors. They can then change how they see people, how they treat people, come to value people and value their rights an their lives. A change has got to come!

 

Over 187,000 American citizens have died of the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic, and over six million American citizens have tested positive for the virus. Relations with American allies have been ruined; Russia is now a friend who interferes in our elections; Medicaid is not an option in Republican states; the children, family, and friends of the guy in the white house are all capitalizing on the funds from the federal government; a guy call president has been impeached, but has not been removed from office; African-American males ate being shot and killed by police officers at will; white supremacists are held in esteem; the unemployment rate for African-Americans loom in double digits; thousands of small businesses have gone under; lie after lie is being told from the white house, the head of the CDC, and the FDA; and the incompetence in personnel is the norm and not the exception in the white house; military men and women are being denigrated and disrespected; the United States Postal Service (UPS) has been all but decimated as the guy in the white house overtly works to steal the 2020 election. All of these things are happening because an egotistical, racist, sexist, vain, narcissistic, incompetent, mentally unstable guy in the white house stole the 2016 presidential election, in order to gain entry into the white house. A change MUST come, SOON!

 

You and everyone connected to you are essential in ensuring that “A Change is Going to Come,” SOON! You and everyone else must start speaking positive change, believing in positive change, and taking action for positive change. Do not allow yourself to be subjected to negative talk about the coming change. Challenge those spreading negative rumors about the outcome of the upcoming November 3, 2020 election, remaining the same, but without arguing with anyone. Have your elevator speech prepared. Be prepared to defend positive change in America, with positive outcomes. You must recognize that things will not get better without positive change; they will get worse. And DON’T allow anyone to ask you and don’t ask, ‘how much worse can things get?’ You DON’T want to know. As the Temptations once sang, “We’re on the Eve of Destruction.” However, you can impact ensuring that “A Change is Going to Come.” 

 

You can ensure that you, your friends, your family members, acquaintances, and especially young people are registered to vote. You can also assist by helping them to understand the process for registering to vote, as well as the process for them to vote in the November 3, 2020, election, especially starting with early voting. You can also help them to see that the 2020, election is a matter of life and death, including your life, their lives, and the lives of everyone in this country.  Positive change is a choice and I present you with the opportunity to choose positive change. Yes, “A Change is Coming”; but you have to be a part of making the change happen!!!

 

©2020; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

What Are You Willing to do to Help Right the Wrongs Committed Against Others

Within a matter of months in Atlanta, Georgia, and the nation, we lost three great civil rights beacons, Rev. Joseph Lowery, C.T. Vivian, and Congressman John Robert Lewis. They all lived and fought for the justice and freedom for all people, especially those who have been disenfranchised all their lives, such as African-Americans, American Indians, and Brown people. Sadly, because of the COVID-19 coronavirus, the community and world could not grieve and mourn, as has been the case when legends have crossed over into eternity. However, no matter what, they will all be remembered throughout our lives.

Until his death and as he stood on the “Black Lives Matter Plaza,” Congressman John Robert Lewis continued to speak to the young, while reminding the seasoned fighters and others of their roles in continuing the movement for justice and voting rights. His famous mantra, “When you see something that is not right, not fair, not just, you have a moral obligation to continue to speak up and speak out…say something, do something,” will never be forgotten. Not only did he speak the words, he walked the walk and took action. Out of his actions came change.

Sadly, too many of you see things happening with you, around you, with family members, friends, and coworkers that you KNOW are not right, not fair, and not just. You are put into positions, voted into positions where you have an opportunity to question policy, make policy, question spending, and other issues related to the good of children, families, and society as a whole. However, you become so enthralled with your position and your imagined power, that you forget your charge and become complicit with things that are not right, not fair, and unjust. Because you only think about yourself, you shutter in fear, you’ve possibly sold yourself and your soul for a position that is temporary, believing that if you join the game, play the game, and become a part of the game, you will benefit personally, one way or the other. As a result, you remain silent, believing that if you speak up and speak out, stand up, stand out, and do something, you ‘will get into trouble,’ without recognizing that your silence has already placed you in trouble. Once you sell yourself for wrong, unfair, and unjust decisions, unfair and unjust votes, resulting in unfair and unjust policies and practices, you will have to keep selling yourself. Honesty and equity have no place in the midst of dishonesty, unfair treatment, unjust decisions, and unjust laws.

As a school board member for seven and a half years, I have been amazed at how the people who were voted into office to represent children and families would follow paths of least resistance, just to fit, just to ‘make things look good to the public,’ and to make them look like big people with power. Unfortunately, these behaviors breed and stoke fears of reprisal and retaliation in administrators, teachers, and other employees. As I have often stated, fearful teachers and those placed in leadership positions that are also fearful, or who become sellouts cannot benefit the children they were not only voted to serve and in some cases erroneously selected to serve. Not only do the children suffer in the here-and-now, they will have lasting repercussions as a result of the people put in positions, who will not “speak up and speak out…say something, do something”

From the time of slavery and before, the oath of silence has permeated America. This silence has allowed for police harassment and police brutality of African-Americans and other people of color, including American-Indians, and Brown people. This code of silence has corrupted our judicial system, our educational institutions, corporate America, our healthcare system, our banks, and mortgage companies, to the benefit of some and the demise of millions. This code of silence has allowed four years of havoc, thievery, and outfight incompetence, and lawlessness by a guy who stole an election with foreign assistance, to become president of the United States. As a result, a country that has been haled as the richest and most powerful country in the world has been reduced to the laughing stock of the world, with American citizens gnashing their teeth, wringing their hands, crying day and night, going hungry, with record high unemployment rates, and a COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic rate of over 4.4 million testing positive and over 155,000 deaths. What kind of shiggidy is this? Had the people around the guy in the white house had the nerve and the balls to speak up and speak out…say something, do something, there wouldn’t be as many coronavirus cases and deaths.

As Congressman John Robert Lewis stated, not only do you have a moral obligation “to speak up and speak out…say something, do something”; you also have a human obligation. How many times have you witnessed or are currently witnessing racism, sexism, ageism, xenophobia, cultural discrimination, religious discrimination, verbal threats/abuse, disrespect, along with emotional and psychological abuse on your job by people in positions of power, but you remain silent for fear of losing your job? The reality is, that although you might not be the target this time, you are most certainly in line for the next time. And the statement is true…’karma is a bitch!’ If it doesn’t get you, it will get your children, grandchildren, or other family members.

The question is, “What Are You Willing to do to Help Right the Wrongs Committed Against Others?” The first thing you must go is to move past and beyond your fears about the repercussions of ‘speaking up, speaking out…saying something, and doing something,’ I am amazed at how many of your fear men and women on your job, but you don’t fear God, who made you and who has control of your life. It is time for all of us to say and do something, peacefully, but with a plan, action, and authority.

I challenge you to read the late Congressman John Lewis’ Opinion Editorial in the New York Times, entitled, “Together You Can Redeem the Soul of Our Nation.” This message was left for all of us, young and old. Notice two important words, “together” and “redeem.” I challenge you to explore and find out the truth about your history. I challenge you to find out who you really are. I challenge you to ask questions when you are unsure or lack understanding about what is going on around you and with others. I challenge you to read and stay abreast of current events. I challenge you to align yourself with PPGP’s (Positive People Going Places). I challenge you to get off your butts and get involved. I challenge you to join a “good trouble” movement, to help register voters, to ensure that you are registered, and to help others to either mail their ballots or make it to the voting polls. There is a lot that you can do. Choose to do something, after you speak up, speak out, stand up, and stand out, even if your standing and speaking means you are alone. In the end, you will be a part of a movement of action, change, and accountability, not only helping yourself, but also helping others!

©2020; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com

Movements Must Mean Action, Change & Accountability…Not Moments in Time

Over the past few months the world has been on the move with marches and protests sparking “Black Lives matter” movements in almost every state in America, as well as other countries around the world, including, Germany, France, Scotland, Canada, South Korea, Australia, England, Spain, and other countries. It is sad that George Floyd had to lose his life under the knees and weights of police officers in Minneapolis, Minnesota, in order for the world to finally engage in a movement demanding that the world recognize that “Black Lives Matter.”

Movements cannot just exist for a moment in time. Movements have to be built on moves of action, with the expectancy of change, and accountability. Movements also have to have a purpose. That purpose cannot be sidelined or sidetracked by and for the benefit of those who are not supportive of the cause and the purpose. It’s amazing that although George Floyd physically did not leave Minneapolis, his spirit traveled around the world with a purpose and a cause in mind to bring attention to the hatred and racism that have existed in America for over four hundred years. His death was the catalyst to uncover the cover-ups about race in America, especially with police officers. However, we must remember that police officers are only a microcosm of the macrocosm of America. As a result, the recent movements, as were the movements of the past, weren’t just actions of marches and protests, there have been and are actions of demands for change.

George Floyd moved from the projects to his princely status in death, but he was able to cause a movement of massive proportion in the lives of others. The movement not only brought attention to the racists deaths of George Floyd, but also to those of Ahmaud Arbery, David Smith, Tyrone West, Sean Bell, Freddie Gray, Trayvon Martin, Sandra Bland, Tamir Rice, Michael Brown, Philando Castile, Eric Garner, Amadou Dialo, Jordan Davis, Markeis McGlockton, Walter Scott, Manuel Ellis, Emmett Till, and on and on. Sadly, this list is not exhaustive of the lives stolen from so many Black men and women at the hands and guns of racist Whites over decades. But no matter what, the purpose is clear. It is also imperative that as a part of the movement, we don’t allow those individuals, those corporations, and those institutions to not be accountable for the role(s) they have played in proliferating systemic racism and hatred in America. We cannot allow them to hide behind the marches and their statements, without taking and making action of change.

It is one thing to tear down monuments, change the name of a brand of syrup, rice, a NFL football team, and for organizations and corporations to make commercials, verbal and written statements about their position on “Black Lives Matter.” However, it’s another thing for them to be accountable, take action and put their money where their mouths are by making drastic and dramatic changes in their treatment of Blacks through acts of reversing and removing their unjust policies, unjust laws, their unfair and unjust hiring and promotional practices that negatively impact, suppress and oppress Blacks and people of color. Although the NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell finally admitted he was wrong about Colin Kaepernick taking a knee against the killing of Blacks in America during football games a few years ago, he has yet to apologize directly to Colin and give him his quarterback job back.

You see, racism is not something that can change over night; it would have to be a process and not an event. It has to be an aspect of the movements and not something that is espoused for the moment while things are hot. Many Whites who have practiced racism, might honestly want to change their racist feelings, racist beliefs, and racist behaviors. However, they might find the necessary emotional and cognitive restructuring quite difficult and challenging. 

Racism is of the heart, the mind, and the spirit, exemplified in negative, abusive, and inferior actions and behaviors. It encompasses feelings of hatred and fear, thoughts of privilege, superiority, inferiority, supremacy, as well as actions of inferior treatment, discrimination, bigotry, control, inequality, legal and social injustices, economic depravation, abject poverty, isolation, bias, prejudice, social separation, cultural and racial separation, oppression, racial profiling, victimization, subhuman treatment, emotional and physical harm and abuse, neglect, inferior education, and the ultimate physical deaths of Blacks, Browns, and American Indians. Until racists are willing to at least become aware of their feelings, thoughts/beliefs, behaviors and actions toward others based on their race, they won’t be able to take a honest and open look at how they see and treat others based on their race. I don’t believe in unconscious bias; the racist individual is very much conscious and conscience when he/she expresses his/her feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and actions toward Black, Brown, and American Indian people. When dealing with racism as with any other ism or behavior needing change, it is my profound belief that people don’t change; they grow!

People grow through having an awareness, insight, and understanding of their feelings, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors, along with the effects and impacts they have on others. The awareness, insight, and understanding then allows them to change their feelings, their beliefs, their attitudes, and their behaviors, The murder of George Floyd and the hundreds of other African-Americans murdered in America have basically uncovered the cover-ups that comes with racism. Systemic racism has permeated the very fiber of America every since Whites entered America, starting with American Indians, whose land was stolen, and then moving into slavery of African-Americans. Until Whites come to grips with and become accountable for their feelings of hatred and fear, learning to first accept their racist thoughts, beliefs, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors, allowing them to start accepting differences while learning to love and respect those who are different from themselves, they will have difficulty gaining the insight and understanding that will allow them to change their minds, their spirits, and their behaviors. They will have to learn that the world does not only belong to them, it belongs to all inhabitants. Therefore, Black and Brown lives DO matter and they also deserve an equal share of the American pie!

I’ve heard the rhetoric and the promises to Blacks, throughout my life, throughout the lives of my parents, my grandparents, and throughout the history of Blacks in America, but they have gone nowhere. It took the Montgomery bus boycott from December 1, 1955 through December 20, 1956, 381 days before the movement with the marches and protests saw change in the seating of Blacks on city buses in Montgomery. Blacks and their supporters of other races have been marching and protesting in civil rights movements to ensure the equal rights for African-Americans for over sixty years, with the march on Washington taking place August 1963. Not only did these movements have purpose, there was visible and pervasive action and change. As a result of the Montgomery bus boycott, the Supreme Court ruled that Montgomery, Alabama had to stop its racist practices of segregating and discriminating against Blacks on their city buses. The Civil Rights Movement, which included marches and protests, brought about school integration and the Voting Rights Amendment, which still has not become permanent, but action has been shown. It’s evident that the movement must continue with action, change, and accountability!

Without a movement of action and accountability, change will never occur. One of the greatest movements of action and change that has to take place and very soon, is the removal of DT from the white house. He has brought about divisiveness, hatred, xenophobia, continued racism, sexism, and other deadly acts against Black people and people of color. His recent rallies in Tulsa, Oklahoma and at Mount Rushmore in South Dakota were all as Maya Angelou once said, was like ‘spitting on the graves of our ancestors.’ He disrespected the anniversary of Juneteenth and ignored the massacres that took place on Black Wall Street in1921 in Tulsa, where hundreds of blacks were murdered. He disrespected the American Indians in South Dakota as he held his rally on sacred grounds at Mount Rushmore, honoring those who stole American land from the American Indians. This movement can’t be for a moment; it must be one with action, change, and accountability for as long as it takes for positive and lasting change to take place. This movement of removal of DT must take live action at the voting polls and through the mail. This movement must include blocking voter suppression, which is DT’s plan to once again steal the presidency.

It is imperative that all movements for the rights of Black and Brown people, including American Indians are not movements for a moment or for the moment, but that they will continue until justice is real and visible change takes place in the school houses, the corporations, the white house, the congressional house, the senatorial house, the nonprofit houses, and any house that has people working in them.  The actions of these movements demand that this country atones for its racist behaviors and is accountable by admitting its wrong in the treatment, mistreatment, and maltreatment of Black and Brown people, especially African-Americans and American Indians. America has to also become accountable by allowing racial healing for African-Americans and American Indians, by authorizing reparations for BOTH groups. This movement demands action for laws to be enacted to protect Black and Brown lives, without loopholes and cover-ups, not only from police officers and others, but from the racist and unequal laws that continue to discriminate, alienate, and prohibit true American freedom.

The movements with action cannot stop until equality is the norm and not the exception. It must continue until Black and Brown lives TRULY matter, not just with words and posters, but also with positive action and positive change! Keep the movements going with action and accountability until REAL change occurs and we are all truly free and recognized and treated as American citizens, with rights, liberty, property, and the pursuit of happiness! 

©2020; J. Morley Productions, Inc.; P.O. Box 1745; Decatur, GA 30031; (770) 808-6570; www.doctorjoyce.com